Tourist:
Where?
Guide:
On the right. No. Too late, again. Look,
people, you really have to be a bit
quicker. If I say, “on the right”, please
turn your attention to the right-hand
side of the vehicle.
Tourist:
So, are you going to take us to the
gardens?
Guide:
Not today, no. So, now we’re driving
along the high street, one of the main
streets in Oxford. On our left are the
Examination Schools, where I took
those exams I failed all those years
ago, and also University College, which
as it happens was the college I failed
to get into. Happy memories. On our
right is Queen’s College, founded in
1341, so it’s very old.
[shouting out of
the window]
Get out of the way!
[He
swerves and crashes into a cyclist.]
Cyclist:
Ahhhhhh!
Guide:
[to the tourists in the vehicle]
There
are far too many cyclists in this city!
Tourist:
Did you just knock that cyclist over?
Guide:
No! Erm, he’ll be all right. Now, as I
was saying, some very clever people
like Tim Berners-Lee, the inventor of
the World Wide Web, went to Queen’s
College. I suppose if I’d passed those
exams I’d now be a famous inventor
instead of just a tour guide talking
nonsense to people like you. But there
we go, not everyone can invent the
World Wide Web, I suppose.
Tourist:
What’s that building there?
Guide:
That’s a shop. It’s a place where we
buy stuff. Clothes by the look of it. Any
more questions?
Tourist:
No, not the shop. That church. The one
behind us.
Guide:
Oh, that was the church of St Mary the
Virgin. It’s the university church. The
church has been there since at least
before 1086, so it’s yet another really
old building in Oxford, which as you
can see is full of old buildings. Behind
it, is Radcliffe Square which has lots
more old buildings like Brasenose
College, founded in 1506, All Souls
College, founded in 1438, and the
Bodleian Library, which some bloke
called, erm, Bodley started in 1598,
although I’m not exactly sure about
that. So, basically it’s all really old.
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