Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

specific techniques
clearing the barriers to agreement, 61–63, 72
confrontational showdowns or joint problem-solving
sessions, 151
creating breakthroughs by uncovering unknowns, 213–45
example, Anna and contract negotiation, 65–68
example, getting an airline ticket and upgrade, 68–71
example, getting a rent cut, 208–11
extreme anchor to begin, 199
gaining permission to persuade, 96–112
getting your counterparts to bid against themselves and,
181–85
guaranteeing execution of a deal, 162–81

---

how to get your price (bargaining hard), 188–212
as information-gathering process, 147, 154
labeling and tactical empathy, 49–73
life as, 17
limited predictability and, 219
mantra for, 115, 117, 204
mirroring to establish rapport, 23–48
never split the difference, 18–19, 115, 116, 139
“no” and generating momentum, 74–95
preparation for, 211, 251–58 ( see also Negotiation One
Sheet)
problem-solving approach, 8, 11, 14, 15
psychological tactics and strategies, 15–16, 18
questions to transform conflict into collaboration, 140–61
research on and study of, 10–13
shaping what’s fair, 113–39
sweetest two words for, 98
System 1 and 2 concepts and, 13
timing and success of, 119
Voss in Harvard course, 5–8
negotiation errors. See also specific negotiations
aiming low, 252–53
compromising, 18–19, 115–16, 139
deadlines and, 116–20
getting to Yes too quickly, 86, 94, 112
going too fast, 30, 47
hiding a deadline, 120
lack of real communication, 145–48

---

not focusing on the other person, 28
Negotiation Genius (Malhotra and Bazerman), 233
Negotiation One Sheet, 21, 251–58
Section I: The Goal, 252–54
Section II: Summary, 254
Section III: Labels/Accusation Audit, 254–55
Section IV: Calibrated Questions, 255–58
Section V: Noncash Offers, 258
neural resonance, 53
New York City Police Department (NYPD), 10, 24, 27, 30,
31, 38
Technical Assistance Response Unit (TARU), 41
NFL Players Association (NFLPA), 125
niceness, 85, 93
9/11 terrorist attacks, 140, 143, 216, 224
Nixon, Jim, 98
“No,” 74–95
asking for, 20, 85
demystifying, 88
email technique, 92–93, 95
fear of, 88
forcing a response, 91
fundraising script using, 89–91
as gateway to “Yes,” 77
getting your counterparts to bid against themselves and,
181–85
“How” questions as gentle ways to say “no,” 167–68,
174, 181, 186

---

Mark Cuban on, 91
meanings of, 79, 94
multi-step (for getting counterparts to bid against
themselves), 182–85
powerful lessons of, 94–95
as protection, 78–79, 86–92, 93, 94
skills of, 89
as start of negotiation, 75–80
voice tones and downward inflection, 181
ways to respond to, 79–80
when to walk away, 92
Noesner, Gary, 14–15, 144
nonmonetary issues, 132, 134, 135, 199, 206, 257
preparing noncash offers, 258
nonround numbers, 132–33, 134, 137, 183–84, 185, 201,
206, 207, 211, 212
Ackerman system and, 206, 212
Haitian kidnappings and, 207–8
nonverbal communication, 173
matching body language with voice tone, 176
mirroring body language, 36
7-38-55 Percent Rule and, 176, 186
smiling, 33, 47
O’Brien, Jim, 214, 217
Onglingswan, Aaron, 174–75
Onglingswan, Alastair, 173–75, 179
Ottenhoff, Ben, 89–91

---

“paradox of power,” 227
paraphrasing, 20, 103, 112
Peale, Norman Vincent, 81
persuasion strategy: negotiating in the other’s world, 80–85,
94–95
Philippines, 96, 98–104, 140–41, 142–48, 173–75
Pinocchio effect, 178
Pittsburgh Police Department’s Hostage Negotiation Team,
87
positive/playful voice, 32, 33, 48
positive reinforcement, 36
smiling and, 32, 33, 46, 47
Prado, Angel, 136–38
preparation for negotiation, 211, 251–58 (see also
Negotiation One Sheet)
“fall to your highest level of preparation,” 208, 211, 251
primal needs, 84
Princeton University, fMRI brain-scan experiment on neural
resonance, 53
prison siege, St. Martin Parish, Louisiana, 162–63, 171
prospect theory, 12, 127–35
anchoring emotions, 128–29
establishing a range, 131–32
letting the other guy go first, 129–31
pivoting to nonmonetary terms, 132
surprising with a gift, 133
using odd numbers to fortify your offers, 107, 132–33,
134, 137, 183–84, 185, 206, 211, 212

---