Arthur m. Jensen endorsed by the following professors of English

THE PLEASANT SURPRISE

By BARRON PAIN
I had got the money by work done at home, out of office hours. It came to four pounds altogether. At first I thought I would use it to pay back part of our debt to Eliza's mother. But it was very possible that she would send it back again, in which case the money spent in sending it would be wasted, and I am not a man that wastes pennies. Also, it was not absolutely certain that she would send it back. I sent her a long letter instead - my long letters are almost her only intellectual pleasure. Of the four pounds, I reserved two for myself, and resolved to give two to Eliza. I did not mean simply to hand them to her, but to think of something in the way of a pleasant surprise.
I had tried something of the same kind before. Eliza once asked me for six shillings
In the way of = as, in the nature of
for a new tea-tray that she had seen. I went and stood behind her chair, and said, “No, dear, I couldn't think of it,” at the same time dropping the six shillings down the back of her neck. Eliza wanted to know why I couldn't give her six shillings for a tea-tray without forcing her to go upstairs and undress at nine o'clock in the morning. It was not a success.
However, I have more than one idea in my head. This time I thought I would find out first if there was anything she wanted.
So on Sunday at tea-time I said, not as if I were meaning anything special, “Is there anything you want, Eliza?”
“Yes, she said; “I want a servant who'll go to bed at half past nine and get up at half past five. If they'd only do that, that's all I ask.”
“You will pardon me, Eliza, I said, “but your statement is not quite correct. You said that was ALL that you asked. What you meant – ”
“Do you know what I meant?”
“I think that I know precisely –“

THE PLEASANT SURPRISE
“Then if you know precisely what I meant, I As = while, must have spoken correctly.” when
But as we went to church, I discovered that she wanted a new jacket.
Next morning I wrote on a piece of notepaper,
“To buy a new jacket. With your husband's love.” I folded the two sovereigns up in this, and dropped the packet into the pocket of Eliza's old jacket, as it hung in the wardrobe in the bedroom, not telling her what I had done. My idea was that she would put on the jacket to go out shopping in the morning, and putting her hand in the pocket, get a pleasant surprise. As I was leaving for town, she asked me why I continued to smile so mysteriously. I replied, “Perhaps you, too, will smile before the day is over.”
On my return I found Eliza at the front door. “Come and look,” she said happily. “I have got a pleasant surprise for you.” She threw open the drawing-room door, and pointed. In the middle of the table stood a beautiful plant. It stood in one of the best saucers, with some coloured paper round the
pot, and the general effect was good. I at once guessed that she had bought it with the money she had got back after buying my present to her, and thought it showed very good feeling in her. “I hope you have not given too much for this,” I said.
“I didn't give any money for it.”
“I don't understand.”
“Well, you must know I had a present this morning.”
“Of course I know.”
“Did mother tell you? Yes, she has sent me a beautiful new jacket. Then a man came round with some plants, and he said that he didn't want money if I had any old clothes I didn't want. So I gave him my old worn-out jacket for this beautiful plant, and–“
I remembered that I had seen the man with the plants farther down the street.
“Excuse me for one moment, Eliza,” I said, and rushed out after him.
He was a big, red-faced man, and he made no difficulty about it at all.

THE PLEASANT SURPRISE
“Yes,” he said, “I bought that jacket all right. There it is at the bottom of my box, and I haven't even looked at it since. I am not going to look there now either. You say there were two sovereigns in the pocket. A gent like you doesn't want to take money from a man like me. If you say the two sovereigns were there, then they're there now, and I can return you two pounds out of my own pocket, in the certainty of getting them back out of the jacketpocket. I trust you I know an honest man when I see one.”
With these words he drew the money from his own waistcoat pocket, and handed it to me. I took it somewhat thoughtfully.
“Hadn't you better make quite certain-”
“Not a bit,” says he. “If those sovereigns were there when the jacket was handed to me, not a bit not at all they are there now. I could see that you were a man that could be trusted, otherwise I'd have looked in the pocket long before this.”
“What have you been doing?” said Eliza, on my return
Changing the subject, I said, “Your mother
Gent = gentleman
Not a bit = not at all

has given you a new jacket. Let me have the pleasure of giving you a new hat.” Pressed the two coins into her hand.
She looked at them, and said, “You can't get a hat for two farthings, you know, dear. What did you rush out for just now? And where did you get these two farthings covered with gold? You'll be taking them for sovereigns, if you're not careful. Were you trying to take me in?”
Take in = I did not quite see what to say for the molead to be- ment, and so I took her suggestion. I tried to perlieve suade her that I was just having a bit of fun with something her.
wrong “You don't look as if you were having a bit of fun.”
“But I was. I suppose I ought to know, if any man does. However, Eliza, if you want a new hat, anything up to half a sovereign, you've only to say it.”
She said it, thanked me, and asked me to come and help her water the plant.
“It's such a beautiful plant,” she said.
Yes, I answered sadly, “it looks very expensive.

THE TONIC PORT By BARRY PAIN

We do a large export trade (that is, the firm does), and there are often sample bottles lying in the office. There was a bottle of tonic port, which had been there for some time, and the manager told the head clerk that he could have it if he liked. Later in the day the head clerk said that if a bottle of tonic port was any use to me, I might take it home. He said he had just opened it and tasted it, because he did not like to give anything away until he knew if it was all right.
I thanked him. “Tastes,” I said, “just like any ordinary port, I suppose?”
“ Well,” he said, “it's more a tonic port than an ordinary port. But that's only what you'd expect from the label on the bottle.”
“Quite so,” I said – “quite so.” I looked at the label, and saw that it said that the port