Ask More: The Power of Questions to Open Doors, Uncover Solutions, and Spark Change pdfdrive com

What are you most concerned about?
Helen urges her doctors to stay off the computer when a patient is talking,
interrupt as little as possible, and stay calm and respond reassuringly when a
patient expresses emotion or fear. Tune into their words and cues. Focus
intentionally and supportively to establish empathy and convey it.
Helen believes it is the questioner’s responsibility to take in fully what the
patient is communicating. This affects outcomes; patients who don’t experience
empathy are less likely to trust their doctors and they’re less likely to adhere to
the treatments that are recommended. They are much less satisfied. Helen’s
research has corroborated these findings.
“We did a study, a systematic review and a meta-analysis … that showed
that low empathy and communication in patient-doctor relationships actually
leads to worse health outcomes, statistically significant worse obesity,
hypertension, asthma, osteoarthritis pain. These are hard health outcomes that
are affected when there’s a poor connection.” Helen explained that one of her
graduate students found that doctors’ stress levels also improved when they had
empathetic relationships with their patients.
Empathy ratifies our humanity. Walt Whitman captured its essence when he
wrote, “I do not ask the wounded person how he feels. I myself become the
wounded person.” The best questioners take Whitman’s words to heart.
Which is why I went to talk to Terry Gross.
The Empathetic Interviewer

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WHYY radio is located in downtown Philadelphia. The station offers twenty-
four hours of programming, but one voice is known to millions.
As host of NPR’s Fresh Air program, Terry Gross has interviewed thousands
of people. Her questions have a signature quality, clear and curious, understated,
and often deeply empathetic. Her questions draw out her guests, allowing her to
get inside their heads and connect. Some 4.5 million people every week hear her
show on more than 400 radio stations and countless podcasts across America.
Terry has developed a special style and voice for interviewing creative types:
authors and artists, actors and musicians, thinkers and theoreticians.
Rail thin and barely five feet tall, Terry’s physical presence belies her stature
as one of the most gifted interviewers in broadcasting. She greeted me in the
lobby and took me to one of the station’s main studios. Having started my career
in radio, I felt at home in this dusky, unadorned box of a room dominated only
by a desk, a few chairs, and a couple of microphones on extension arms that
could swivel as needed. We settled in for our conversation, a couple of believers
in the magic of radio and the revealed secrets of interview. There is something
intensely private about radio. There are no distractions, no bright lights or
cameras that will catch you off guard. People are more relaxed in radio. The
listener paints his or her own picture of the faces that go with the voices.
Interviewing on the radio was an unexpected career for Terry. As a girl, she
was shy, quiet, and not inclined to share anything personal, especially
information about herself or her family. Her grandparents were Russian and
Polish Jews who escaped to America. They did not discuss the dark times or
details about family members. They felt that “there were a lot of things
historically you just don’t tell people.”
Terry started to find her voice when she got a job in radio in Buffalo, New
York. The station featured programming for women. For her job application,
Terry had to write sample questions for one of the station’s hosts, a feminist
lawyer, who was doing a show about women and divorce. Terry was going
through a divorce herself, so the questions came quickly and easily. She got the
job.
Because it was the 1970s, a college campus, and blissfully egalitarian public
radio, everyone got a shot. Terry started doing some hosting. She loved it and
the job loved her. She recalled a show featuring the feminist take on women’s
undergarments. Did they objectify women? She did another discussing women
as sexualized victims in popular culture, with a sadomasochistic consideration of
Dracula as a public sex offender. The old vampire “was so S&M,” Terry told me

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with a mischievous grin.
Two years later she moved to Philadelphia and WHYY. The station has been
her home ever since.
Terry’s first rule of interviewing is “know your guest.” Find the most
interesting parts of their lives and stories. Read, listen, and watch them. “The
more you know about someone, and the more you genuinely care about them,
the more likely they are to trust you with their story,” she explained. Put yourself
in their place. Do some perspective taking. “The more they trust you with their
story, the more they’ll open up. The more they open up, the more fascinating
they will be.”
Terry asks her guests about their experiences and ideas. She wants to know
their origins and what inspires them. She asks about the things that shape people,
especially creative people like artists, musicians, actors, authors, thinkers. She
finds that breaking her questions into small pieces is an effective way to generate
specific answers that connect to stories and prompt reflection.
“You can ask questions about their childhood and find out, were they sick,
were they well?” she says. “Just all those things that create who you are.”