Ask More: The Power of Questions to Open Doors, Uncover Solutions, and Spark Change pdfdrive com

Tell me more.
Explain that to me.
These command-questions serve as open-ended invitations for a subject to
pause, reflect, and provide more detail. I think of them as questions without
question marks. They ask without asking. They convey interest and, when stated
in the right tone, accompanied by open body language, they offer affirmation
and validation, which Barry says is so important to reduce barriers and generate
cognitive ease. Questions without question marks can feel less threatening, less
like an interrogation.
In my interviewing, I have found that this technique provides breathing space
for the other person, a break from the usual Q&A pattern. I put my pen down,
lean forward, and knit my brow in what I intend to be a visibly curious
expression. It’s my way of saying I’m hooked, fascinated by what I’m hearing. I
want my companion to know that I am not just a good audience, but a rapt
listener. I might say:
Go on.
That’s remarkable.
Fascinating.
Barry counsels his agents to turn questions into statements whenever they
can. The technique encourages conversation, especially if someone is trying to
conceal something. He offers a real-world scenario: The feds have intercepted a
long, rambling email from a man who calls himself Lucas. The email vents at the
government, rails at Washington, and then, in thinly disguised language,
threatens the president. Agents track Lucas down and bring him in for

---

questioning. He is angry, curt, and agitated. Though he has no criminal record,
his comments on his social media accounts suggest a disgruntled,
antigovernment loner.
Barry would not start by asking, “Why have you been sending threatening
emails?” Nor would he ask, “Do you intend to kill the president?” These
questions would only shut Lucas down. Instead, Barry asks one of his questions
without a question mark. He says:
It sounds like some of the things the president has done have really
gotten you annoyed.
Lucas sits up. “Annoyed? Are you kidding? Of course. I’m annoyed … I’m
more than annoyed.”
Barry listens intently. He wants Lucas to feel he’s being heard. Like a
hostage negotiator, he wants to keep the conversation going, thinking ahead,
moving in on the issues. He zeros in on what’s bothering Lucas and poses
another question without a question mark:
A lot of people agree with you. (Pause.) Tell me about that.
“Well, of course people agree with me. They’re angry! The guy is ruining
the country. And I’ll tell you how he’s doing it …” Now Lucas is on a roll. He’s
telling a story.
Angry, alienated people may believe they see and understand things that
others do not. By saying, “A lot of people agree with you,” Barry offers Lucas a
measure of validation. Not an endorsement of his point of view, but the
recognition that Lucas has company. Barry avoids showing disapproval or
disagreement. He “normalizes” the conversation, creating the appearance that he
understands, along with the hint that he may even be an ally.
I hope you don’t encounter Lucas. But you can use these “questions without
question marks” in almost any conversation with someone who is reluctant to
speak or hesitant to provide more than a cursory response. These questions offer
affirmation. They suggest the questioner is a receptive audience. They serve to
promote dialogue that will lead to more entry points to explore.
Echo Questions

---

I use another kind of affirmation that fully embraces its question mark. I call
them “echo questions.” I ask them in almost every type of interview because
they are so clear and effective. They almost always prompt the interviewee to
talk more and go deeper. These, too, are effective bridgebuilding questions.
Echo questions enable me to use the other person’s own words for emphasis and
as a follow-up question. I add inflection to suit the mood—sympathy, surprise,
and humor.
Henry says, “The way they treated me just made me want to scream.”
You ask your echo question. “Scream?”
Rita says, “I don’t know why I even try anymore. They are so incompetent.”
You say, “Incompetent?”
In most cases, those one-word echo questions will lead to more detail and
explanation.
Your six-year-old comes home from school with a note from the teacher
saying your child swiped a banana from a classmate at lunch. You ask what
happened.
“The lunch room was really noisy and Katie was being mean. So I took her
banana.”
Echo question: “You took it?”
“Yes, I took it. But I didn’t steal it, I just took it. She was saying bad things
about me and I didn’t like it.”
Life is simple at six. Now you have a teachable moment. You can explain
that we don’t “take” things from other people’s lunch trays, even if we’re
annoyed at them.
Barry teaches this technique as part of what he calls “reflective listening.”
He tells his agent-students they must be fully present if they are going to catch
these comments on the fly. And in threat assessment, the stakes are huge.
Back to “Lucas” and his threatening emails. He wrote, “The president is
ruining the country.” Lucas says it again in his interview. Upon hearing the
words, an astute agent echoes them back.
Ruining the country?
“Yes! Ruining the country. He’s letting in the wrong kind of people; they’re
stealing our money and taking away our freedoms. Something’s got to be done!”
The next question acknowledges the burden of Lucas’s insight. It affirms and
then echoes his last point.

---

This must be tough for you to live with.
Do you have ideas about what should be done?
Because the questioner is trying to determine whether Lucas is on a path to
violence, this exchange could be a critical turning point in the conversation.
Lucas might reveal what he’s thinks should be done, whether he knows other
people who feel the same way, maybe even whether he’s prepared to take action
himself.
Echo questions and reflective listening leverage the words you hear to
extract more of the thinking behind them. They serve as punctuation points in
questioning to seize a moment or a thought, highlight it, and invite additional
detail and discussion.
Build the Bridge
Bridgebuilding questions work best when people are at cognitive ease and feel
they have a receptive audience. You can achieve this effect with questions (with
or without question marks) by making use of words or expressions you have just
heard, by listening for entry points, and by careful affirmation of difficult or
irrational thoughts. You build the bridge, one piece, one question at a time. You
plot a deliberate, careful course, knowing that this bridge will take time to
construct and that there will likely be setbacks along the way.

---