Ask More: The Power of Questions to Open Doors, Uncover Solutions, and Spark Change pdfdrive com

partway and may ask, “What brings you to our lovely city?” If the guest says
she’s in town for a wine tasting, the concierge can use the information to
recommend a restaurant with an amazing wine cellar.
Questions don’t win the war if they’re not accompanied by active and
effective listening. “We have a ratio: two ears and one mouth,” Oreck notes,
telling me that the hotel staff must make “emotional connections.” She counsels
everyone she trains to listen hard for emotional indicators—joy, anger,
frustration. Her lesson plan is mission-focused: Create that experience that will

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lead to a “customer for life.”
Ritz-Carlton is no charity. It is big business. But like Ben & Jerry’s and the
World Food Program USA, it cannot succeed with its gold-plated mission if the
people who work there aren’t asked to be part of it and execute it.
Asking to Listen
Throughout this book I’ve connected the discipline of asking to the art of
listening—deep and active listening. In the case of mission questions that seek
shared purpose, you’re listening for comments and clues that reveal motivations,
ambitions, and capacity that align with your mission. If you’re asking Jordan to
support your cause, you’re listening for indications of his commitment and
passion. You’re listening for comments that show optimism or outrage,
inspiration or indignation, or some expression to suggest that Jordan agrees that
yours is a worthy cause and he is interested in doing something to advance it.
If you’re talking to Clara about financing a business, you will be listening
closely for anything she says about the viability of the idea, about the
marketplace or the business plan, or about the competition or cash flow. You’re
listening for hidden or unexpected places to explore and connect. If you hear a
suggestion about the satisfaction that comes from giving, you have another topic
to ask about:
What have you supported that has really made a difference?
“Oh, that’s easy,” Clara might say, “It was the work we did on the home for
sick kids. We saw the wonderful place get built. It helped entire families get
through their ordeal.”
How did you get involved in that?
“We met with this amazing woman who so impressed us with her
commitment and her approach. We knew that she could pull it off.”
Here’s where the close listening comes in, and an echo question.
We?
“Yes,” comes the reply. “My husband and our daughter, Emma. We make

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these decisions as a team.”
You’ve just learned essential information about why the family gives, what
made for a credible project, and, importantly, how they give as a family. You
build the relationship accordingly.
Karen Osborne counsels that we can all be better listeners. First, consider
what type of listener you are.
Do you listen for data, facts, and specifics?
Do you key into stories because you relate to people?
Do you respond to emotion?
What interests you and gets your attention?
What prompts you to respond?
How hard is it to remain silent?
Figuring out what kind of listener you are will help you listen better and craft
more precise questions and areas for follow up.
Next, identify your weaknesses.
Are you an interrupter?
Are you someone who has to drive a conversation; who has to fill
silences and pauses?
Does your mind wander?
Do you look down and do email?
Is it because you have trouble focusing or are just bored?
Can you identify the types of conversations or the points along the
way when your mind might wander?
Do you suffer from the “I syndrome,” a habit of instantly turning
what you just heard into a comment about or reference to
yourself?
If you listen closely to yourself and to others, you will discover how many
people fall into the “I syndrome” trap and how often it occurs.
Eva is chatting with Tom, who tells her about a minor car accident he was in
yesterday. Eva says, “Yeah, I had a fender bender just like that last year …”
John is talking to a colleague at work who is worried her higher insurance
premiums are going to eat up this year’s raise. John says, “Same thing happened
to me last year …”

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You’re talking to that potential donor again, who says the best place in a
hospital is the maternity ward. You say, “Yes! When my wife had our son …”
Stop! Stay focused on your listening and asking. Keep your questions like
your eyes, locked on that other person, on the project you’re discussing, and on
the shared goals. Mission questions demand selfless listening. Talk about we,
not I. Ask more, speak less. This conversation is about common goals, not what
you think or what you have done. Understand the connection between the
question and the listening. General Colin Powell has a 30 percent rule: When
you’re running a meeting, speak 30 percent of the time; that forces you to listen
70 percent of the time.
“Questions actually help you listen better,” Karen Osborne says. “They help
you focus.”
And the golden rule in listening is to listen to others as you would want
others to listen to you. Be genuinely interested in the other person and what the
person has to say. Find the facets of that person’s story that are significant or
surprising or remarkable to you. Know what they’ve accomplished or been up
against. Be familiar with what makes them special and unique.
Now you’re exploring common goals and shared purpose with someone you
care about.
Solve Problems with Purpose
Recently, I interviewed a panel of experts who work with the disabled. My job
was to ask them about the challenges they faced in connection with a new law
about employment for people with disabilities. The discussion centered on the
new rules, but my hosts didn’t want it to get lost in the weeds of process and
bureaucracy. So we focused on the calling, and how to work most effectively
with the 38 million Americans who have a disability. I found Rick Leach’s
organizing questions a useful outline for the conversation.
What is the challenge?
What can you do about it?
What can each of you bring to the enterprise?
What will it take?
In your work and volunteer activities, you can define mission and rally
people by asking them first to think about what matters and then where your

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interests overlap. Ask how they want to participate and engage. Ask them to aim
high. That’s what Rick Leach does when he asks people to join his campaign to
end global hunger. It’s why he believes hunger is a “solvable problem.”

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