Ask More: The Power of Questions to Open Doors, Uncover Solutions, and Spark Change pdfdrive com

The Reinforcer: Is this what we’re talking about? Is this what you mean?
Reinforcing questions seek to validate and draw out. In posing the question, you
acknowledge the other person’s stated or unstated sentiments. If your child says,
“It’s not fair that my brother gets a bigger allowance,” a reinforcing questioner
would not ask, “Is that why you stole the money?” Instead, the questioner might
say, “You think we favor your brother. Is that what we’re talking about? Is that
what we’re talking about?” Experts say you’re more likely to get more of a
response and an accurate statement of the facts (even a confession) with this
technique.
Listen: Because bridging questions reach across a chasm of suspicion, listen for
information or for references that offer clues as to why someone is angry,
alienated, or aggrieved. Listen for detail, description, and mood. Listen for
expressions of wariness, blame, references to others, attributes and expressions
of power or menace. Listen for shards of information you can build on, one
small piece at a time. That’s how you build the bridge.
Try: Put together a list of ten questions you would ask a person who is distant or
wary. Design your questions purely to get the person talking. Ask about the
weather, things you observe, the music in the distance, anything that might
represent a common thread. Start with open-ended questions. How are you
doing? What’s going on? Be prepared to listen and make eye contact. Find
someone to ask—your rebellious teen, a resentful cousin or the homeless lady
you walk past every day. Remember, you’re aiming for conversation, not for
miracles. You build this bridge one question and one answer at a time.

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CONFRONTATIONAL QUESTIONS
Confrontational questions are in-your-face questions. They accuse. They call to
account. Ask these questions when someone has done something wrong.
Confrontational questions may not produce a willing response, but they establish
a record and they force an issue. They make a point, often publicly.