Improve Your Communication Skills, 2nd Edition

Managing time in the conversation
Most conversations proceed at a varying rate. Generally, an 
effective conversation will probably start quite slowly and get 
faster as it goes on. But there are no real rules about this.
You know that a conversation is going too fast when people 
interrupt each other a lot, when parallel conversations start, 
when people stop listening to each other and when people start 
to show signs of becoming uncomfortable.
Conversely, you know that a conversation is slowing down when 
one person starts to dominate the conversation, when questions 
dry up, when people pause a lot, when the energy level in the 
conversation starts to drop or when people show signs of 
weariness.
Conversations can go too fast 
because:
• we become solution-oriented;
• feelings take over;
• we succumb to ‘groupthink’ (everybody starts thinking 
alike to reinforce the group);
• we’re enjoying ourselves too much;
• assumptions go unchallenged;
• people stop asking questions;
• arguments flare up.
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48 Improve your Communication Skills
Try to become aware of how fast the conversation is proceeding, 
and how fast you think it 
should
be going. Here are some simple 
tactics to help you regain control of time in your conversations.
Conversations may go too slowly 
because:
• the conversation becomes problem-centred;
• too much analysis is going on;
• people talk more about the past than the future;
• more and more questions are asked;
• people start to repeat themselves;
• the conversation wanders;
• people hesitate before saying anything.
To slow down a conversation
• Reflect what the other person says rather than replying 
directly to it.
• Summarise their remark before moving on to your own.
• Go back a stage in the conversation.
• Ask open questions: questions that can’t be answered 
‘yes’ or ‘no’.
• Pause. Take a break.
• Use the Ladder of Inference. (See below.)