159
Line 19
sure that
the end results
Line 20.
are correct. But I will
Line 21.
learn the hard way if
Line 22.
not!
The actions reported are how she had survived her second week without counselling and the
difficulty she had in talking to anyone who was not having counselling themselves. These
actions and reflections are included in the analysis:
Extract 26. From analysis to show action and reflection.
The second week without counselling (line 1,2) seems to make
the client very thoughtful,
reflexive as she moves in and out of feelings and actions and examines them. She has mixed
feelings (line 3) which seems different to the confusion of previous entries as if she is managing
to think and write more clearly. She appears to realize that she has survived the break on her own
but seems aware that she feels further away from others who do not have help (line11),
counselling, and who she struggles to talk to about her feelings (line 9). Although she feels that
she is losing touch (line 12) with these others she also states that she is not too bothered about it
(line 14) as if at this time she has some sense of the importance of working on herself (line16),
without the intrusive opinions of others. Being more alone appears to help her work things
through (line17) even though she is not too sure about the end results (line 19) of this working
though being correct (line 20). She seems to suggest that if she is not doing this correctly that she
will learn the hard way (line 21) as if there is an expectation that learning will be hard for her in
the sense that she perhaps feels that she has always done things wrong or even felt wrong in who
she is. Perhaps this being so „hard‟ for her also describes her present condition in that this is a
hard road for her to travel. It also feels important
for her to get things right, „correct‟, as if
making a mistake or getting something wrong really matters to her. But she is also definite, even
affirmative for she „will‟ learn (line 20). There seems to be no room for self doubt here, she
seems very determined as if the reflection on herself is exhorting herself to learn.
160
In reflecting on the break from counselling the participant seems
enabled to think about her
sadness at losing touch with friends. But she is also able to think about the process of working
through such feelings even though she is unsure about the outcome of this process. The action of
recognizing the loss of the counselling in a break, where she chooses to keep the journal, seems
to create this reflexive dialogue with herself. Just as I wrote out trauma in the safety of my poetry
so it seems possible that the journal became the container, or safe place, where the participant is
able to write her thoughts and feelings. This then may be seen as part of the action and reflection
in that the action of recognizing the loss of the counselling session is recorded by another action,
writing, and seems to enable her to be reflexive.
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