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for containment-freedom in an apparently simple entry:
Extract 44. From a journal to show hidden desire for containment-freedom.
Line 1.
(from memory)
Line 2.
I felt free to be late
Line 3.
Her
anger was contained
Line 4.
My anger was contained, felt safe.
Line 5.
Is H. angry for all of us?
Line 6.
(Apology slipped
out at beginning,
Line 7.
like being late for lesson at school.)
Line 8.
So much from so little.
The analysis of this entry seemed to demonstrate Alice‟s need to remain merged with the
counsellor and highlight a strong desire to contain her own affect. Although a short entry it is a
complex piece of writing which took time to interpret:
Extract 45. From the analysis to show the interpretation of a complex piece of writing.
This entry is recorded
later than usual again, (line 1.) but she is able to find the space to be
reflexive. This time instead of feeling her anger with the counsellor in her lateness, she feels free
to be late (line 2.). She presumes that the counsellor is angry with
her for being late as she
experiences the counsellor as containing anger (line 3.). It seems she projects her own anger with
the counsellor onto the counsellor rather than having it herself. Perhaps her mother‟s anger was
held in when she left the client in hospital, so that anger was experienced as dangerous because it
was not expressed. She describes her own anger as contained (line 4.) but it seems more likely
that she experiences it as being within the other. So perhaps she is still angry with the counsellor
but unable to express it or allow herself to „be it‟ (week 10, line 10.) as she has wanted to before.
Containing her anger also feels safer (line 4.), as to show anger feels dangerous or frightening.
She wonders if „H‟ is angry for „all of us‟ which may refer to a group but may also refer to the
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many parts of herself. However she is still aware at some level of feeling very young for she
notes that she apologised for being late earlier in the session like a child arriving late for school
(lines 6 and 7). She also puts this comment in brackets which although on one level may make it
seem less important than the rest of the entry also highlights it, making it stand out from the rest.
Perhaps she is feeling very young and vulnerable in her sessions, like a child talking to a strict
teacher. She ends by noting that so much comes out of so little (line 8.). This may refer both to
the shorter length of time in that even in a shorter session than
usual a lot of work was
accomplished, but it may also refer to the fact that she worked with something that seemed small
unimportant yet learned a great deal.
The interpretation again links the entry to the whole narrative which keeps it within the context
of the whole. As there is anger it might seem that it should have the category of fighting
containment-freedom. However anger is not felt in the words even though it may be implicitly
present. The desire for her and the counsellor to be the same feels most important. The fact that
an apology slipped out seemed to suggest her regression as if she was
being the child who longed
to be noticed and heard. In a childlike way she made herself noticed by being late. There was a
strong sense of a lot having been accomplished as if the session felt useful. The category, desire
for containment-freedom fits with her childlike regression and with her need to keep her and the
counsellor the same.
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