Clients‟ experience of counselling within a narrative framework
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TOWARDS CONTAINMENT The concept of some movement „towards containment‟ is perhaps the initial phase of an unconscious shift towards internal containment being felt within the client. It is strong, like the swing of a pendulum, but faint like the rousing of a child from sleep. Perhaps it can be seen as the tentative letting go of defended overcontainment, which momentarily lets the containment offered in the freedom provided by the counsellor be felt by the client in that s/he finds the freedom needed to experience a greater range of spontaneous feelings (Miller,1979). In a sense it is always present in a working relationship for the uncontainable may be invisibly contained in what feels to the client to be the worst of sessions, in that affects are felt and these feel different and uncomfortable. TOWARDS FREEDOM As with „towards containment‟ this movement „towards freedom‟ is a momentary shift but this time towards separation and away from a merged state. It is a glimpse of the possibility of being a different self with new perceptions, feelings and values, or in Rogers (1951) terminology, the beginnings of self actualisation. It is hard to visualise these two existing together for the struggling client, but perhaps that is what is so difficult, the reality that containment and freedom can coexist. Whether moving towards containment or freedom this polarity demonstrates the client‟s growing capacity to feel his/her own affect as opposed to what „should‟ be thought or felt, or what is defended from feeling. It is an owning of the parts of the self which have not been previously brought into awareness. Sometimes it may be the dynamic meeting of an unthought known (Bollas, 1987). 316 NO HIGHLIGHTING The only parts of the journals that have not been categorised are those that appear to present a statement of fact like “no counselling this week”. In this sense I have tried to separate out statements that do not appear to demonstrate the thoughts and feelings of the client. 317 APPENDIX 10 Brief key to categories Brief key of categories for participants to refer to while reading their analysis. The colours are those used to highlight sections of the journal writing to denote the categories. i. containment-freedom - movement and stillness, the space to play and the space to think The overall polarity which encompasses all the others and where containment and freedom coexist (or are transformed into enabling containment). Words in the journals that imply a safe / secure space and movement or stillness. ii. overcontained-overfree – overcontained implies a disablement of movement, a kind of internal agitation. The client may be smothered or too full of the feelings and opinions of others rather than being in touch with their own thoughts and feelings. Overfree- seems rather akin to panic, a rushing around which also disables the client - almost a kind of omnipotent sense that they have to do everything themselves. Perhaps with this overcontained-overfree polarity there is a sense of being “over the edge” – in that the client feels destructive to themselves and possibly to others. All the polarities within the overall polarity have the potential to be both enabling and disabling. iii. fighting containment-fighting freedom – fighting containment is the fight to remain the same, to oppose change for it may feel too threatening to contemplate. Fighting freedom is the fight to change from a known way of being in that the client also wants to change. Understood from the clients‟ struggle to hold on to known ways of being whilst also struggling to change to a new way of being. iv. a desire for containment-a desire for freedom – the tug of war between wanting containment and wanting freedom. A felt sense in the researcher which is picked up from the words in the journals as a longing/desire to feel held/contained by the counsellor, and / or the wish for freedom to be separate and individual. v. towards containment-towards freedom – the pull and swing of the pendulum which suggests the possibility of these states existing together. Felt in the journals as a move towards containment in the sense that the freedom to do this can be allowed, or a move towards freedom as containment begins to be experienced. vi. uncontained-unfree - a polarity and a paradox for it is a fixed point of stagnant opposition where the client is disabled by no forward movement. Implied by the clients‟ inability to move from a position. Yet it also provides a still point from where the client may be enabled to view their internal world 318 APPENDIX 11 Presentations: Containment in a drop of rain Three presentation given to counselling students interested in taking part in the main study. Each presentation lasted between 50 minutes and 1 hour. The overall title is: RAINBOWS IN THE CONSULTING ROOM The three presentation are entitled: 1.CONTAINMENT IN A DROP OF RAIN. 2.CONDUCTIVE POLARITIES 3. FREEDOM IN THE SPACE BETWEEN 1.CONTAINMENT IN A DROP OF RAIN Introduction I am here to introduce you to my research topic. Rather than present you with a title I hope the title, the theme will unfold over the three sessions that I am here. I am also here because I am looking for individuals, who are seeing a counsellor or therapist, to be participants in this research. However if none of you decide to take part in the research - that is okay - you still have the opportunity to benefit from the presentations that I bring. My hope is that some of you will take part. And although this hope is because I need participants, it is also because I believe that in taking part you will benefit. How will you benefit ? - by learning more about yourself, your assumptions and prejudices, your strengths and weaknesses, and how all of these can be of use to you in counselling. You may also learn more about the process of the counselling relationship - about how being a client influences your ability to be a counsellor, and about how, in being a counsellor, you need to experience your own vulnerabilities in order to sit alongside another. In the third session I will go into the detail involved in the research - for the moment I simply ask you to keep in mind that perhaps taking part in this research could be a possibility. I am extremely conscious that what I present to you in each of the sessions has to be as precise as I can make it - since this is for research, and I will be presenting it to other groups so - I have to try to make it as similar as possible. So I apologise now in case I get stuck to my notes - perhaps this is part of my difficulty of trusting my own containment, in the embryonic stages of this research - which brings us to the beginning of this first session. RAINBOWS IN THE CONSULTING ROOM Why a rainbow? I choose it as a way of describing something that happens in the relation ship between the client and counsellor, in the consulting room. Rainbows have symbolised hope, or the possibility of change for thousands of years, from the story of the great flood and on into the present day. Rainbows if you like could be said to be written into our shared memories, or as Jung would have probably said, into our collective unconscious. But how do I see rainbows in the consulting room and why do I use this particular metaphor? To gain some understanding of this we need to examine how a real rainbow comes into existence. Now I‟m not particularly 319 good at understanding science but I can grasp that for a rainbow to form, and be seen, a particular set of circumstances have to be in place. Rainbows come into existence through what could be termed a polarity in the weather, that is rain and sunshine in close proximity to each other, and in order to see the rainbow the observer has to be positioned in the right place, with the right conditions, looking in the right direction. When a beam of light passes through the droplets of rain, at just the right angle, the light bends, that is it is reflected inside the rain drops and refracted, (bent) as it leaves, forming a rainbow. The potential observer only sees the rainbow when the light is behind him/her. I am suggesting that to find rainbows in the consulting room there has to be a polarity, a juxtaposition similar to that of rain and sunshine. The client, like the weather, is a functioning system, a whole. He or she comes to counselling because in some way functioning is impaired. Perhaps it feels as if life is more storm than sunshine. The consulting room offers a space, both an external space in the room, and an internal space in the counsellor, to be used to find a space within the client where light can break through the storm clouds and form rainbows in the space between - a space where the client begins to see him/herself , and perhaps their external world, differently. If, for example the client is only looking towards the light keeping the rain or darkness behind her/him then no rainbows, no space will be seen. For this way of looking hides the rainbow from the client‟s perceptions, for the light is in front of the client rather than behind. The client needs to turn around, to search the darkness with the light out of sight behind his vision where it cannot be seen. Then the space between, which has always been there, will be come into view. Rainbows will come into focus. The research I am so passionate about comes from me. It has been formed and is continually reforming by my personal journey. Only through penetrating the darkness of my own experience have I discovered a wealth of rainbows. And before I began to see rainbows I spent a good deal of time in the dark. Even now there are still times when I know and feel that turning into the pain, into the dark, into the unknown is the only way of coming to a place where the worst of reality‟s nightmares can be changed into a rainbow of unspeakable value. This research has been, and is, coming into existence because I had the choice of either living with the horrors of a family trauma, or living with the bequest of that trauma. I chose, and continue to choose the bequest. Such a bequest turned into the most spectacular rainbows I have ever witnessed, both internally and externally. So I‟m also saying that this research comes with a tremendous cost, it is in more ways than I can describe the most expensive project that I have ever undertaken. Just like you take on the cost of becoming a counsellor - that in itself comes with far more cost than the money you pay out, as I‟m sure you have all already found. And part of the cost is being contained enough to continue the journey - so lets continue. 1. CONTAINMENT IN A DROP OF RAIN When light enters the raindrop, it is contained within it, bent, and reflected out again. Two forms of energy, light and water not only meet but one is contained within, and reflected from the other. The one which is contained is also refracted, bent or turned around so that the reflection becomes visible. The beam of light which enters the rainbow is white light, and is not actually visible to the naked eye, but once it is in the drop of rain it becomes visible as a rainbow for white light is made up of colours otherwise invisible. For the colour to be seen it has to be 320 contained, bent and reflected out. The self, the true personality of an individual (or the true colours), like the light can only come into their own reality, find their own colours through containment. Containment within another, which offers a true reflection of the colour hidden within the self is made visible to that self only when particular, internal (and external) positions can be held. So what does the raindrop do, or not do, in order to contain the ray of light? Certainly it makes no assumptions about the light - it merely lets it in. It also has to be in the right place at the right time. If it is too close to the sunlight, or not separate enough from it, the light will either not enter it at the right angle for a rainbow to form, or the sunlight will be blocked out by the clouds as the rain gets too close. The space between the sun and the rain will be lost so that no rainbows will form. When the client enters the consulting room with the counsellor, two people, two potential energy sources are held both together in agreement as a contract is made, and in opposition in that they are different people in different roles. The client comes unknowingly to be contained, and the counsellor endeavours to contain the unknowable. If the counsellor is able to contain the client internally, in such a way that the client can bare to turn into the darkness of the storm and rain then the possibility of seeing reflected and previously unseen, unknown colours becomes a possibility. But like the rain drop the counsellor must keep enough space between him/herself and the client in order to contain whatever colours the client projects into her/him. However it has to be remembered that rainbows are momentary phenomena. They exist only when the polarity of rain and sunshine meet. But they do herald change, movement which may be in or out of the storm or sunshine. Containment as felt by the client may also be a momentary phenomena, which is always in the process of moving towards or away from the next and the last moment of meeting, of perceiving new colours. THE STORM OF BEING UNCONTAINED To give an example of being uncontained let me use a recent TV programme as an illustration. The story was I believe called “Care” and was about a young man reliving the horrors of child abuse. For years he had protected himself by hiding the memories away deep inside himself. A court case involving the men who abused him brings the past violently into the present and the young man is tormented by the past as he gets involved APPENDIX 7 in a very public court case. He can no longer keep the trauma in the past and he begins to quite literally howl. He howls alone. He cannot share this part of himself. The more he howls the more he becomes abusive to others. When he realises what he is doing he commits suicide. Uncontained howling, uncontained abuse, uncontained anguish leads to death, either psychic or literal or both. But containment can offer a very different outcome. However for this to happen the colour of the howling has to be recognised, taken in, and reflected back, not as the one colour that enters the raindrop, but as the many colours which are really contained within.. CONTAINMENT 321 Perhaps you will have smiled at my surname, Bracegirdle, an interesting phenomena in itself. For me what is interesting about it is that the two words which make it up can both be seen as having to do with containment - a brace contains, and a girdle contains. So you see I was born into an interest in containment even with my name. I hated it as a child. It caused jibes, amusement and embarrassment. History however, my history has enabled me to take it back and enjoy it, just as I can now enjoy what my history has given me. A wealth of experience with varied forms of containment. So what does containment do - lets see if we can experience a taste of it. Exercise 1. In this exercise we will experience, either containment - or the lack of it, or something quite different! Both external and internal! First of all about six of you need to stand in a circle, very close shoulder to shoulder. Next put one foot behind you and feel your weight go through this back foot to the floor. You need to do this so you can let the weight of another pass through you into the ground beneath. If you try to take their weight alone you will probably collapse and taking the person to the floor with you. Once you are sure you have mastered this concept bend your arms at the elbows bringing your hands almost level with your shoulders and your palms facing out. Now as I stand in the centre of your circle I cross my arms across my chest putting my hands on my shoulders, shut my eyes and lean back onto the hands of the person directly behind me. Take a moment to feel my weight pass through you to the floor and then pass me round the circle. Note that my feet are together and I keep my body relaxed but I do not bend at the waist. As you gain in confidence you will find that you can change the direction you are moving me and even gently push me (sort of diagonally) across the circle. If you have played this game before perhaps you can go first to help build up trust in the others. What am I asking? Can you be contained by your group? Do you trust them to contain you? Do you trust yourself enough to experience the feelings aroused by this game?Can you be contained enough to accepts another‟s refusal to be the main player? Talk about feelings aroused from the game. (If assumptions are brought up by the game I will use these rather than the following) We all have an assumptive world - Part of my dog‟s assumptive world is that she will betaken for a walk every morning. When this walk is delayed - she gets distressed. My son‟s assumptive world was blown apart when his fiancee called off the forth coming wedding. In my father‟s assumptive world, well polished shoes were a sign of good character. Need I say that I have a problem wearing un-shined or dirty shoes! Exercise 2. The meaning of containment - to be held to be imprisoned 322 Think about external containment and internal containment. Imagine containment as a continuum, at one end positive or good containment at the other negative or bad containment. What forms of containment can you place along this continuum and where would you put them? In twos or threes if a large group.. During this time I have been making assumptions - I assume you understand the words I use - I assume you understand to some degree the concept of containment. I have purposefully not asked what you think containment in the counselling relationship is. Because rather than find out what it means to you or tell you precisely what it means to me - I hope to give you an experience of it. But perhaps this is also an assumption on my part, perhaps what you experience will be something quite different. Think about it. Accordi ng to C Murray Parkes : “The assumptive world is the only world we know and it includes everything we know or think we know.” What assumptions do you have? Are you contained enough - or free enough - to examine your assumptions? How do these assumptions affect your internal world as a client? Do they contain you - or free you? Do your assumptions get projected out onto family, friends, other members of this group - does this imprison you or set you free? How do your assumptions affect your perceptions of yourself, of others - and what would happen to your perceptions if you let go of your assumptions? Do you need containment or freedom to do this? Now, today, as an individual, as the self you know and are conscious of, what sort of containment and freedom have you experienced in your life? How does your assumptive world interfere with your ability to be contained by another? Does your assumptive world prevent you from searching in the dark - is this containment or freedom? Go through the questions. Are there any questions they have. I want to end on, and with a personal note. I think and hope that I have made it quite clear that this research comes from me - it is personal, and I believe that learning to experience personally form our own life traumas, and day to day living is what also enables us to sit alongside another. Sharing that personal journey is also an enormous part of our learning, so I finish with a very 323 personal contribution. Introduction and Poem A Rainbow in the Dark We started off on boundaries Then made them into rules And although I sensed the ideal Felt the purpose of it all I had this deep down feeling That settings are just part Of a more important wholeness…- Like a sky that‟s full of stars. The really central issue Is something I can‟t touch But I know it‟s in between us Like sunlight catching dust, It‟s a meeting in the middle It‟s a space that‟s only mine That the other one allows me Like shadows after dusk. The placing of her frontiers Is kept in her control And like planets always turning In and out of view She uses them to suit me As I find a way to trace My own design of patterns ….- Like the moon that holds the hare. I tried to tell the others That the rules are not the key But I couldn‟t find the words That explain this holding focus Which opens up the heart And bursts the inner recess Where healing really starts With a unison of meeting Like a rainbow in the dark. 324 APPENDIX 11. Freedom in the space between 2. FREEDOM IN THE SPACE BETWEEN FREEDOM More unconsciously than consciously I believe that I made the assumption that this workshop on freedom would come into being with about the same amount of work and time as the one on containment - I could not have been more wrong. This freedom (in the space between) has been illusive. While in the process of trying to think and write about it, it seems that I have wrapped it up and contained it. It is as if in consciously thinking about freedom - the freedom to think has been lost. Perhaps this concept of freedom is so enormous that the immediate reaction to it is to try and contain it! So first of all lets experience some freedom. Have any of you ever experienced a guided fantasy? Let me explain the idea to you. In the space between us here, between my words and your thoughts and feelings, let a dream be found. Let rainbows play. The fantasy. As a leaf falls from the tree top above you, you know you have entered an autumn dreaming place. Leaning against the trunk you sigh and smile thinking about the coming walk. With a crackle of autumns first fall beneath your feet you start off. There is a mist today, soft, expectant, and filled with the silence of a waiting surprise. You meander, for there is no hurry. Time is infinite in here. Fields of stubble still cast golden waves into the mist, while the barely trodden footpath guides you past changing trees, and the last of this summer‟s wild blackberries. While the rich brown of newly turned earth whispers of another harvest still to come. There is so much to see. The mist both enfolds you and makes way for you. Through it, glimpses of the way ahead disappear, only to reappear in the same instant. What is known? What is unknown? The path forks and for a moment decision falters and plays games with you. And yet, without really thinking anymore you walk on. Which direction did you take?. Does it matter? The path traps your concentration as it begins to climb steeply and the wariness of unknown territory excites all your senses. Before long you need hands as well as feet to scale the slope, and it is hard to remember now for how long you have been moving this way. As you sit down to catch your breath the mist lifts slowly revealing the drop of a cliff just inches from your resting body. Standing in disbelief you know this is a place you have longed. But only now do you know your desire. And with a smile of gratitude you plunge into the air - to fly. This is freedom. Your destination calls, calls through the vanishing mist as its parting veils lead you to future possibilities. Landing in tomorrow‟s sunrise you sit to soak up the view of things to come. Hopes and dreams are born here. The past, present and future shake hands. There is so much to take - so much to leave behind. While so many dreams are flooding over you, your hand feels something on the ground. You finger it. What is it? …………….. 325 something ………….. something…You have seen, felt, touched. Take hold, it is the moment of leaving. Last looks meet goodbyes. The return flight opens your senses to all beneath you, and all above you. Visions to be captured in your mind. The cliff of your first leap tugs at your heels. Land feels clumsy after such soaring. The walk which returns you to the tree is lost in thought, it is hard to let go of such a winning fantasy. But once the tree trunk is felt across your back, so finite time sits you back on your chair, in the reality of this moment. Discuss - small groups. What did you see, touch, find? Did you find space enough? What might have given you more space? Could you be guided? Was there too much freedom? FREEDOM IN THE SPACE BETWEEN If we remember the rainbow from last week, think for a moment how it arches across the sky. The rainbow appears to both take up space and yet also magnify the space. It makes us aware of the enormity of the heavens as it spreads itself across the horizon. It frees up the unseen colours in white light. It forms a connection between a beam of light and drops of rain, adding another dimension, a transformation. It makes the invisible, visible, and highlights the space between. When trying to think about freedom, I had to first contain my thoughts. Freedom appeared so enormous that I ran from it. In his book The Fear of Freedom, Fromm asks: Is freedom only the absence of external pressure or is it also the Yüklə 1,47 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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