Games People Play

6 STUPID 
Thesis
. In its milder form, the thesis of "Stupid" is, "I laugh with you at my own clumsiness and 
stupidity." Seriously disturbed people, however, may play it in a sullen way which says, "I am 
stupid, that's the way I am, so do me something." Both forms are played from a depressive position. 
"Stupid" must be distinguished from "Schlemiel," where the position is more aggressive, and the 
clumsiness is a bid for forgiveness. It must also be distinguished from "Clown," which is not a 
game but a pastime which reinforces the position "I am cute and harmless." The critical transaction 
in "Stupid" is for White to make Black call him stupid or respond as though he were stupid. Hence 
White acts like a Schlemiel but does not ask for forgiveness; in fact forgiveness makes him uneasy, 
because it threatens his position. Or he behaves clownishly, but with no implication that he is 
kidding; he wants his behavior to be taken seriously, as evidence of real stupidity. There is 
considerable external gain, since the less White learns, the more effectively he can play. Hence at 
school he need not study, and at work he need not go out of his way to learn anything that might 
lead to advancement. He has known from an early age that everyone will be satisfied with him as 
long as he is stupid, despite any expressions to the contrary. People are surprised when in time of 
stress, if he decides to come through, it turns out that he is not stupid at all—any more than is the 
"stupid" younger son in the fairy tale. 
Antithesis
. The antithesis of the milder form is simple. By not playing, by not laughing at the 
clumsiness or railing at the stupidity, the anti-"Stupid" player will make a friend for life. One of the 
subtleties is that this game is often played by cyclothymic or manic-depressive personalities. When 
such people are euphoric, it seems as though they really want their associates to join in their 
laughter at themselves. It is often hard not to, for they give the impression that they will resent an 
abstainer—which in a way they do, since he threatens their position and spoils the game. But when 
they are depressed, and their resentment against those who laughed with or at them comes into the 
open, the abstainer knows that he has acted correctly. He may be the only one the patient is willing 
to have in the room or talk to when he is withdrawn, and all the former "friends" who enjoyed the 
game are now treated as enemies. 
It is no use telling White that he is not really stupid. He may actually be of quite limited 
intelligence and well aware of it, which is how the game got started in the first place. There may be 
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special areas, however, in which he is superior: often psychological insight is one. It does no harm 
to show whatever respect is deserved for such aptitudes, but this is different from clumsy attempts 
at "reassurance." The latter may give him the bitter satisfaction of realizing that other people are 
even more stupid than he, but this is small consolation. Such "reassurance" is certainly not the most 
intelligent therapeutic procedure; usually it is a move in a game of "I'm Only Trying to Help You." 
The antithesis of "Stupid" is not to substitute another game, but simply to refrain from playing 
"Stupid." 
The antithesis of the sullen form is a more complicated problem, because the sullen player is trying 
to provoke not laughter or derision but helplessness or exasperation, which he is well equipped to 
handle in accordance with his challenge "So do me something." Thus he wins either way. If Black 
does nothing, it is because he feels helpless, and if he does something, it is because he is 
exasperated. Hence these people are prone also to play "Why Don't You—Yes But," from which 
they can get the same satisfactions in milder form. There is no easy solution in this case, nor is 
there likely to be one forthcoming until the psychodynamics of this game are more clearly 
understood.