Games People Play

4 NOW I'VE GOT YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH 
Thesis
. This can be seen in classic form in poker games. White gets an unbeatable hand, such as 
four aces. At this point, if he is a NIGYSOB player, he is more interested in the fact that Black is 
completely at his mercy than he is in good poker or making money- 
White needed some plumbing fixtures installed, and he reviewed the costs very carefully with the 
plumber before giving him a go-ahead. The price was set, and it was agreed that there would be no 
extras. When the plumber submitted his bill, he included a few dollars extra for an unexpected 
valve that had to be installed—about four dollars on a four-hundred-dollar job. White became 
infuriated, called the plumber on the phone and demanded an explanation. The plumber would not 
back down. White wrote him a long letter criticizing his integrity and ethics and refused to pay the 
bill until the extra charge was withdrawn. The plumber finally gave in. 
It soon became obvious that both White and the plumber were playing games. In the course of their 
negotiations, they bad recognized each other's potentials. The plumber made his provocative move 
when he submitted this bill. Since White had the plumber's word, the plumber was clearly in the 
wrong. White now felt justified in venting almost unlimited rage against Him. Instead of merely 
negotiating in a dignified way that befit the Adult standards he set for himself, perhaps with a little 
innocent annoyance, White took the opportunity to make extensive criticisms of the plumber's 
whole way of living. On the surface their argument was Adult to Adult, a legitimate business 
dispute over a stated sum of money. At the psychological level it was Parent to Adult: White was 
exploiting his trivial but socially defensible objection (position) to vent the pent-up furies of many 
years on his cozening opponent, just as his mother might have done in a similar situation. He 
quickly recognized his underlying attitude (NIGYSOB) and realized how secretly delighted he had 
been at the plumber's provocation. He then recalled that ever since early childhood he had looked 
for similar injustices, received diem with delight and exploited them with the same vigor. In many 
of the cases he recounted, he had forgotten the actual provocation, but remembered in great detail 
the course of the ensuing battle. The plumber, apparently, was playing some variation of "Why 
Does This Always Happen to Me?" (WAHM). 
NIGYSOB is a two-handed game which must be distinguished from "Ain't It Awful?" (AIA). In 
AIA the agent seeks injustices in order to complain about them to a third party, making a three-
handed game: Aggressor, Victim, Confidant. AIA is played under the slogan "Misery Loves 
Company." The confidant is usually someone who also plays AIA. WAHM is three-handed, too, 
but here the agent is trying to establish his pre-eminence in misfortune and resents competition 
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from other unfortunates. NIGYSOB is commercialized in a three-handed professional form as the 
"badger game." It may also be played as a two-handed marital game in more or less subtle forms.