George Bernard Shaw a penn State Electronic Classics Series Publication

where she turns at bay] Ah—ah—ah—ow—ow—ow—oo!
[Wounded and whimpering] I won’t be called a baggage when
I’ve offered to pay like any lady.
Motionless, the two men stare at her from the other side of the
room, amazed.
PICKERING 
[gently] What is it you want, my girl?
THE FLOWER GIRL
. I want to be a lady in a flower shop
stead of selling at the corner of Tottenham Court Road. But
they won’t take me unless I can talk more genteel. He said he
could teach me. Well, here I am ready to pay him—not ask-
ing any favor—and he treats me as if I was dirt.
MRS. PEARCE
. How can you be such a foolish ignorant
girl as to think you could afford to pay Mr. Higgins?
THE FLOWER GIRL
. Why shouldn’t I? I know what les-
sons cost as well as you do; and I’m ready to pay.
HIGGINS
. How much?
THE FLOWER GIRL 
[coming back to him, triumphant]
Now you’re talking! I thought you’d come off it when you
saw a chance of getting back a bit of what you chucked at me
last night. [Confidentially] You’d had a drop in, hadn’t you?
HIGGINS 
[peremptorily] Sit down.
THE FLOWER GIRL
. Oh, if you’re going to make a com-
pliment of it—
HIGGINS 
[thundering at her] Sit down.
MRS. PEARCE 
[severely] Sit down, girl. Do as you’re told.
[She places the stray chair near the hearthrug between Higgins
and Pickering, and stands behind it waiting for the girl to sit
down].

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22
Pygmalion
THE FLOWER GIRL
. Ah—ah—ah—ow—ow—oo! [She
stands, half rebellious, half bewildered].
PICKERING 
[very courteous] Won’t you sit down?
LIZA 
[coyly] Don’t mind if I do. [She sits down. Pickering
returns to the hearthrug].
HIGGINS
. What’s your name?
THE FLOWER GIRL
. Liza Doolittle.
HIGGINS 
[declaiming gravely] Eliza, Elizabeth, Betsy and Bess,
They went to the woods to get a birds nes’:
PICKERING
. They found a nest with four eggs in it:
HIGGINS
.   They took one apiece, and left three in it.
They laugh heartily at their own wit.
LIZA
. Oh, don’t be silly.
MRS. PEARCE
. You mustn’t speak to the gentleman like
that.
LIZA
. Well, why won’t he speak sensible to me?
HIGGINS
. Come back to business. How much do you pro-
pose to pay me for the lessons?
LIZA
. Oh, I know what’s right. A lady friend of mine gets
French lessons for eighteenpence an hour from a real French
gentleman. Well, you wouldn’t have the face to ask me the
same for teaching me my own language as you would for
French; so I won’t give more than a shilling. Take it or leave it.
HIGGINS 
[walking up and down the room, rattling his keys
and his cash in his pockets] You know, Pickering, if you con-
sider a shilling, not as a simple shilling, but as a percentage
of this girl’s income, it works out as fully equivalent to sixty
or seventy guineas from a millionaire.
PICKERING
. How so?
HIGGINS
. Figure it out. A millionaire has about 150 pounds
a day. She earns about half-a-crown.
LIZA 
[haughtily] Who told you I only—
HIGGINS 
[continuing] She offers me two-fifths of her day’s
income for a lesson. Two-fifths of a millionaire’s income for
a day would be somewhere about 60 pounds. It’s handsome.
By George, it’s enormous! it’s the biggest offer I ever had.

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23
Shaw
LIZA 
[rising, terrified] Sixty pounds! What are you talking
about? I never offered you sixty pounds. Where would I get—
HIGGINS
. Hold your tongue.
LIZA 
[weeping] But I ain’t got sixty pounds. Oh—
MRS. PEARCE
. Don’t cry, you silly girl. Sit down. Nobody
is going to touch your money.
HIGGINS
. Somebody is going to touch you, with a broom-
stick, if you don’t stop snivelling. Sit down.
LIZA 
[obeying slowly] Ah—ah—ah—ow—oo—o! One
would think you was my father.
HIGGINS
. If I decide to teach you, I’ll be worse than two
fathers to you. Here [he offers her his silk handkerchief]!
LIZA
. What’s this for?
HIGGINS
. To wipe your eyes. To wipe any part of your face
that feels moist. Remember: that’s your handkerchief; and
that’s your sleeve. Don’t mistake the one for the other if you
wish to become a lady in a shop.