129
GB Shaw
LADY UTTERWORD
. Perhaps somebody cleverer than you
and Mr Mangan was at work all the time.
MAZZINI
. Perhaps so. Though
I was brought up not to
believe in anything, I often feel that there is a great deal to be
said for the theory of an over-ruling Providence, after all.
LADY UTTERWORD
. Providence! I meant Hastings.
MAZZINI
. Oh, I beg your pardon, Lady Utterword.
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER
. Every drunken skipper trusts to
Providence. But one of the ways of Providence with drunken
skippers is to run them on the rocks.
MAZZINI
. Very true,
no doubt, at sea. But in politics, I
assure you, they only run into jellyfish. Nothing happens.
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER
. At sea nothing happens to the sea.
Nothing happens to the sky. The sun comes up from the east
and goes down to the west. The moon grows from a sickle to
an arc lamp, and comes later and later until she is lost in the
light as other things are lost in the darkness. After the ty-
phoon, the flying-fish glitter in the sunshine like birds. It’s
amazing how they get along, all things considered. Nothing
happens, except something not worth mentioning.
ELLIE
. What is that,
O Captain, O my captain?
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER
[savagely]. Nothing but the smash
of the drunken skipper’s ship on the rocks, the splintering of
her rotten timbers, the tearing of her rusty plates, the drown-
ing of the crew like rats in a trap.
ELLIE
. Moral: don’t take rum.
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER
[
vehemently]. That
is a lie, child.
Let a man drink ten barrels of rum a day, he is not a drunken
skipper until he is a drifting skipper. Whilst he can lay his
course and stand on his bridge and steer it, he is no drunk-
ard. It is the man who lies drinking in his bunk and trusts to
Providence that I call the drunken skipper,
though he drank
nothing but the waters of the River Jordan.
ELLIE
. Splendid! And you haven’t had a drop for an hour.
You see you don’t need it: your own spirit is not dead.
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER
. Echoes: nothing but echoes. The
last shot was fired years ago.
HECTOR
. And this ship that we are all in? This soul’s prison
we call England?
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER
. The captain is in his bunk, drink-
130
Heartbreak House
ing bottled ditch-water; and the crew is gambling in the fore-
castle. She will strike and sink and split. Do you think the
laws of God will be suspended
in favor of England because
you were born in it?
HECTOR
. Well, I don’t mean to be drowned like a rat in a
trap. I still have the will to live. What am I to do?
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER
. Do? Nothing simpler. Learn your
business as an Englishman.
HECTOR
. And what may my business as an Englishman
be, pray?
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER
. Navigation. Learn it and live; or
leave it and be damned.
ELLIE
. Quiet, quiet: you’ll tire yourself.
MAZZINI
. I thought all that once, Captain;
but I assure
you nothing will happen.
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