George Bernard Shaw a penn State Electronic Classics Series Publication

In consternation.
LADY UTTERWORD
. Mr. Mangan!
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER. 
What’s that?
HECTOR
. Ha! Ha! Do. Do.
ELLIE. 
Please don’t.
MRS HUSHABYE 
[catching his arm and stopping him].
Alfred, for shame! Are you mad?
MANGAN
. Shame! What shame is there in this house? Let’s
all strip stark naked. We may as well do the thing thoroughly
when we’re about it. We’ve stripped ourselves morally na-
ked: well, let us strip ourselves physically naked as well, and
see how we like it. I tell you I can’t bear this. I was brought
up to be respectable. I don’t mind the women dyeing their
hair and the men drinking: it’s human nature. But it’s not
human nature to tell everybody about it. Every time one of
you opens your mouth I go like this [he cowers as if to avoid a

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122
Heartbreak House
missile], afraid of what will come next. How are we to have
any self-respect if we don’t keep it up that we’re better than
we really are?
LADY UTTERWORD
. I quite sympathize with you, Mr
Mangan. I have been through it all; and I know by experi-
ence that men and women are delicate plants and must be
cultivated under glass. Our family habit of throwing stones
in all directions and letting the air in is not only unbearably
rude, but positively dangerous. Still, there is no use catching
physical colds as well as moral ones; so please keep your
clothes on.
MANGAN
. I’ll do as I like: not what you tell me. Am I a child
or a grown man? I won’t stand this mothering tyranny. I’ll go
back to the city, where I’m respected and made much of.
MRS HUSHABYE
. Goodbye, Alf. Think of us sometimes
in the city. Think of Ellie’s youth!
ELLIE
. Think of Hesione’s eyes and hair!
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER
. Think of this garden in which you
are not a dog barking to keep the truth out!
HECTOR
. Think of Lady Utterword’s beauty! her good
sense! her style!
LADY UTTERWORD
. Flatterer. Think, Mr. Mangan,
whether you can really do any better for yourself elsewhere:
that is the essential point, isn’t it?
MANGAN 
[surrendering]. All right: all right. I’m done. Have
it your own way. Only let me alone. I don’t know whether
I’m on my head or my heels when you all start on me like
this. I’ll stay. I’ll marry her. I’ll do anything for a quiet life.
Are you satisfied now?
ELLIE
. No. I never really intended to make you marry me,
Mr Mangan. Never in the depths of my soul. I only wanted
to feel my strength: to know that you could not escape if I
chose to take you.
MANGAN 
[indignantly]. What! Do you mean to say you
are going to throw me over after my acting so handsome?
LADY UTTERWORD
. I should not be too hasty, Miss Dunn.
You can throw Mr Mangan over at any time up to the last
moment. Very few men in his position go bankrupt. You can
live very comfortably on his reputation for immense wealth.
ELLIE
. I cannot commit bigamy, Lady Utterword.
Exclaiming together.
MRS HUSHABYE
. Bigamy! Whatever on earth are you

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123
GB Shaw
talking about, Ellie?
LADY UTTERWORD. 
Bigamy! What do you mean, Miss
Dunn?
MANGAN
. Bigamy! Do you mean to say you’re married
already?
HECTOR
. Bigamy! This is some enigma.
ELLIE
. Only half an hour ago I became Captain Shotover’s
white wife.
MRS HUSHABYE
. Ellie! What nonsense! Where?
ELLIE
. In heaven, where all true marriages are made.
LADY UTTERWORD
. Really, Miss Dunn! Really, papa!
MANGAN
. He told me I was too old! And him a mummy!
HECTOR 
[quoting Shelley].
“Their altar the grassy earth outspreads
 And their priest the muttering wind.”
ELLIE
. Yes: I, Ellie Dunn, give my broken heart and my
strong sound soul to its natural captain, my spiritual hus-
band and second father.