112
Heartbreak House
people falling in love with me. And then Randall says I run
after men.
RANDALL
. I—
LADY UTTERWORD
. Yes you do: you said it just now.
Why can’t you think of something else than women? Napo-
leon was quite right when he said that women are the occu-
pation of the idle man. Well, if ever there was an idle man on
earth, his name is Randall Utterword.
RANDALL
. Ariad—
LADY UTTERWORD
[
overwhelming him with a torrent of
words]. Oh yes you are: it’s no use denying it. What have you
ever done? What good are you? You
are as much trouble in
the house as a child of three. You couldn’t live without your
valet.
RANDALL
. This is—
LADY UTTERWORD
. Laziness! You are laziness incarnate.
You are selfishness itself. You are the most uninteresting man
on earth. You can’t even gossip about anything but yourself
and your grievances and your ailments and the people who
have offended you. [
Turning to Hector]. Do you know what
they call him, Hector?
Speaking together.
HECTOR.
Please don’t tell me.
RANDALL.
I’ll not stand it—
LADY UTTERWORD
. Randall the Rotter: that is his name
in good society.
RANDALL
[
shouting]. I’ll not bear it, I tell you. Will you
listen to me, you infernal—[
he chokes].
LADY UTTERWORD
. Well: go on. What were you going
to call me? An infernal what? Which
unpleasant animal is it
to be this time?
RANDALL
[
foaming]. There is no animal in the world so
hateful as a woman can be. You are a maddening devil.
Hushabye, you will not believe me when I tell you that I
have loved this demon all my life; but God knows I have
paid for it [
he sits down in the draughtsman’s chair, weeping].
LADY UTTERWORD
[
standing over him with triumphant
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