George Bernard Shaw a penn State Electronic Classics Series Publication

priety.)
RICHARD 
(quickly slipping down from the table with in-
stinctive good manners). Your servant, madam: no offence.
(He looks at her earnestly.) You deserve your reputation; but
I’m sorry to see by your expression that you’re a good woman.
(She looks shocked, and sits down amid a murmur of indignant
sympathy from his relatives. Anderson, sensible enough to know
that these demonstrations can only gratify and encourage a man
who is deliberately trying to provoke them, remains perfectly
goodhumored.) All the same, Pastor, I respect you more than
I did before. By the way, did I hear, or did I not, that our late
lamented Uncle Peter, though unmarried, was a father?
UNCLE TITUS
. He had only one irregular child, sir.
RICHARD
. Only one! He thinks one a mere trifle! I blush
for you, Uncle Titus.
ANDERSON
. Mr. Dudgeon you are in the presence of your
mother and her grief.
RICHARD
. It touches me profoundly, Pastor. By the way,
what has become of the irregular child?
ANDERSON 
(pointing to Essie). There, sir, listening to you.
RICHARD 
(shocked into sincerity). What! Why the devil didn’t
you tell me that before? Children suffer enough in this house
without— (He hurries remorsefully to Essie.) Come, little cousin!
never mind me: it was not meant to hurt you. (She looks up
gratefully at him. Her tearstained face affects him violently, and
he bursts out, in a transport of wrath) Who has been making
her cry? Who has been ill-treating her? By God—

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18
The Devil’s Disciple
MRS. DUDGEON 
(rising and confronting him). Silence your
blasphemous tongue. I will hear no more of this. Leave my
house.
RICHARD
. How do you know it’s your house until the will
is read? (They look at one another for a moment with intense
hatred; and then she sinks, checkmated, into her chair. Richard
goes boldly up past Anderson to the window, where he takes the
railed chair in his hand.) Ladies and gentlemen: as the eldest
son of my late father, and the unworthy head of this house-
hold, I bid you welcome. By your leave, Minister Anderson:
by your leave, Lawyer Hawkins. The head of the table for
the head of the family. (He places the chair at the table be-
tween the minister and the attorney; sits down between them;
and addresses the assembly with a presidential air.) We meet
on a melancholy occasion: a father dead! an uncle actually
hanged, and probably damned. (He shakes his head deploringly.
The relatives freeze with horror.) That’s right: pull your long-
est faces (his voice suddenly sweetens gravely as his glance lights
on Essie) provided only there is hope in the eyes of the child.
(Briskly.) Now then, Lawyer Hawkins: business, business. Get
on with the will, man.
TITUS
. Do not let yourself be ordered or hurried, Mr.
Hawkins.
HAWKINS 
(very politely and willingly). Mr. Dudgeon means
no offence, I feel sure. I will not keep you one second, Mr.
Dudgeon. Just while I get my glasses—(he fumbles for them.
The Dudgeons look at one another with misgiving).
RICHARD
. Aha! They notice your civility, Mr. Hawkins.
They are prepared for the worst. A glass of wine to clear your
voice before you begin. (He pours out one for him and hands
it; then pours one for himself.)
HAWKINS
. Thank you, Mr. Dudgeon. Your good health,
sir.
RICHARD
. Yours, sir. (With the glass half way to his lips, he