George Bernard Shaw a penn State Electronic Classics Series Publication

pressed laughter] Here! what are you sniggering at?
FREDDY
. The new small talk. You do it so awfully well.
LIZA
. If I was doing it proper, what was you laughing at?
[To Higgins] Have I said anything I oughtn’t?
MRS. HIGGINS 
[interposing] Not at all, Miss Doolittle.
LIZA
. Well, that’s a mercy, anyhow. [Expansively] What I
always say is—
HIGGINS 
[rising and looking at his watch] Ahem!
LIZA 
[looking round at him; taking the hint; and rising] Well:
I must go. [They all rise. Freddy goes to the door]. So pleased
to have met you. Good-bye. [She shakes hands with Mrs.
Higgins].
MRS. HIGGINS
. Good-bye.
LIZA
. Good-bye, Colonel Pickering.
PICKERING
. Good-bye, Miss Doolittle. [They shake hands].
LIZA 
[nodding to the others] Good-bye, all.
FREDDY 
[opening the door for her] Are you walking across
the Park, Miss Doolittle? If so—

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51
Shaw
LIZA
. Walk! Not bloody likely. [Sensation]. I am going in a
taxi. [She goes out].
Pickering gasps and sits down. Freddy goes out on the balcony to
catch another glimpse of Eliza.
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL 
[suffering from shock] Well, I re-
ally can’t get used to the new ways.
CLARA 
[throwing herself discontentedly into the Elizabethan
chair]. Oh, it’s all right, mamma, quite right. People will
think we never go anywhere or see anybody if you are so old-
fashioned.
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL
. I daresay I am very old-fashioned;
but I do hope you won’t begin using that expression, Clara.
I have got accustomed to hear you talking about men as
rotters, and calling everything filthy and beastly; though I
do think it horrible and unladylike. But this last is really too
much. Don’t you think so, Colonel Pickering?
PICKERING
. Don’t ask me. I’ve been away in India for
several years; and manners have changed so much that I some-
times don’t know whether I’m at a respectable dinner-table
or in a ship’s forecastle.
CLARA
. It’s all a matter of habit. There’s no right or wrong
in it. Nobody means anything by it. And it’s so quaint, and
gives such a smart emphasis to things that are not in them-
selves very witty. I find the new small talk delightful and
quite innocent.
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL 
[rising] Well, after that, I think
it’s time for us to go.
Pickering and Higgins rise.
CLARA 
[rising] Oh yes: we have three at homes to go to
still. Good-bye, Mrs. Higgins. Good-bye, Colonel Pickering.
Good-bye, Professor Higgins.
HIGGINS 
[coming grimly at her from the divan, and accom-
panying her to the door] Good-bye. Be sure you try on that
small talk at the three at-homes. Don’t be nervous about it.
Pitch it in strong.
CLARA 
[all smiles] I will. Good-bye. Such nonsense, all this
early Victorian prudery!
HIGGINS 
[tempting her] Such damned nonsense!
CLARA
. Such bloody nonsense!
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL 
[convulsively] Clara!

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52
Pygmalion
CLARA
. Ha! ha! [She goes out radiant, conscious of being thor-
oughly up to date, and is heard descending the stairs in a stream
of silvery laughter].
FREDDY 
[to the heavens at large] Well, I ask you [He gives it
up, and comes to Mrs. Higgins]. Good-bye.
MRS. HIGGINS 
[shaking hands] Good-bye. Would you like
to meet Miss Doolittle again?
FREDDY 
[eagerly] Yes, I should, most awfully.
MRS. HIGGINS
. Well, you know my days.
FREDDY
. Yes. Thanks awfully. Good-bye. [He goes out].
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL
. Good-bye, Mr. Higgins.
HIGGINS
. Good-bye. Good-bye.
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL 
[to Pickering] It’s no use. I shall
never be able to bring myself to use that word.
PICKERING
. Don’t. It’s not compulsory, you know. You’ll
get on quite well without it.
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL
. Only, Clara is so down on me if
I am not positively reeking with the latest slang. Good-bye.
PICKERING
. Good-bye [They shake hands].
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL 
[to Mrs. Higgins] You mustn’t
mind Clara. [Pickering, catching from her lowered tone that