George Bernard Shaw a penn State Electronic Classics Series Publication

ottoman next Mrs. Eynsford Hill, on her left]. And now, what
the devil are we going to talk about until Eliza comes?
MRS. HIGGINS
. Henry: you are the life and soul of the
Royal Society’s soirees; but really you’re rather trying on more
commonplace occasions.
HIGGINS
. Am I? Very sorry. [Beaming suddenly] I suppose
I am, you know. [Uproariously] Ha, ha!
MISS EYNSFORD HILL 
[who considers Higgins quite eli-
gible matrimonially] I sympathize. I haven’t any small talk. If
people would only be frank and say what they really think!
HIGGINS 
[relapsing into gloom] Lord forbid!
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL 
[taking up her daughter’s cue] But
why?
HIGGINS
. What they think they ought to think is bad
enough, Lord knows; but what they really think would break
up the whole show. Do you suppose it would be really agree-
able if I were to come out now with what I really think?
MISS EYNSFORD HILL 
[gaily] Is it so very cynical?
HIGGINS
. Cynical! Who the dickens said it was cynical? I
mean it wouldn’t be decent.
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL 
[seriously] Oh! I’m sure you don’t
mean that, Mr. Higgins.
HIGGINS
. You see, we’re all savages, more or less. We’re
supposed to be civilized and cultured—to know all about
poetry and philosophy and art and science, and so on; but
how many of us know even the meanings of these names?
[To Miss Hill] What do you know of poetry? [To Mrs. Hill]
What do you know of science? [Indicating Freddy] What does
he know of art or science or anything else? What the devil do
you imagine I know of philosophy?
MRS. HIGGINS 
[warningly] Or of manners, Henry?
THE PARLOR-MAID 
[opening the door] Miss Doolittle.
[She withdraws].
HIGGINS 
[rising hastily and running to Mrs. Higgins] Here
she is, mother. [He stands on tiptoe and makes signs over his
mother’s head to Eliza to indicate to her which lady is her hostess].
Eliza, who is exquisitely dressed, produces an impression of such
remarkable distinction and beauty as she enters that they all
rise, quite flustered. Guided by Higgins’s signals, she comes to

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48
Pygmalion
Mrs. Higgins with studied grace.
LIZA 
[speaking with pedantic correctness of pronunciation and
great beauty of tone] How do you do, Mrs. Higgins? [She
gasps slightly in making sure of the H in Higgins, but is quite
successful]. Mr. Higgins told me I might come.
MRS. HIGGINS 
[cordially] Quite right: I’m very glad in-
deed to see you.
PICKERING
. How do you do, Miss Doolittle?
LIZA 
[shaking hands with him] Colonel Pickering, is it not?
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL
. I feel sure we have met before,
Miss Doolittle. I remember your eyes.
LIZA
. How do you do? [She sits down on the ottoman grace-
fully in the place just left vacant by Higgins].
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL 
[introducing] My daughter Clara.
LIZA
. How do you do?
CLARA 
[impulsively] How do you do? [She sits down on the
ottoman beside Eliza, devouring her with her eyes].
FREDDY 
[coming to their side of the ottoman] I’ve certainly
had the pleasure.
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL 
[introducing] My son Freddy.
LIZA
. How do you do?
Freddy bows and sits down in the Elizabethan chair, infatu-
ated.
HIGGINS 
[suddenly] By George, yes: it all comes back to
me! [They stare at him]. Covent Garden! [Lamentably] What
a damned thing!
MRS. HIGGINS
. Henry, please! [He is about to sit on the edge