Guide to Informed Choices
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anxiously. ―Well, we are going to get married anyway, so we will just get married sooner than we planned,‖ he said. I fell into a false sense of security, thinking that no matter what happened, I would be marrying my boyfriend. I was 17 and he was 18. So the February of 1980, before my 18 th birthday that March, I missed my period. I was pregnant. I had butterflies because I anticipated our getting married, but dreaded telling our parents we had conceived out of wedlock at such an early and immature age.
―A cold silence filled the room and an even colder feeling filled my heart‖
I earned little over minimum wage. He was a roofer without a high school diploma. As we sat together in his sister‘s house one evening, I broke the news. ―Well, I‘m pregnant‖ I said
semi-excitedly. I wholeheartedly expected his next words to be, ―Okay, now we have to decide when we will get married.‖ Instead, a cold silence filled the room and an even colder feeling filled my heart. I heard these words, ―Well, I am too young to get married. I‘m not ready for that.‖ My heart shut down and my emotions whirled.
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Joanne was annoyed at her mom because she said nothing while she was pregnant and only, after the abortion and too late, did she bring up the topic. She didn‘t have support: My mother knew I was pregnant, even though I didn't say anything. I became angry at her for not saying anything or doing anything to assist. At that time I decided to play dumb to her as she was playing silent to me. But after those 2 weeks I became very sick. Very sick. I lost 5 pounds, couldn't eat. I even went to the emergency room in the hospital, I was so sick. There was nothing they wanted to give me in case I keep the baby. I was so scared I wouldn't make it to 9 months, I decided to abort, like my friend said. She made the appointment for the same month. It was July 29th. A Monday.
the way out‖
My mother didn't realize I was goin' to abort or she'd say no. So I thought abortion was the way out. I pretended I was goin' to visit my friend in Connecticut. I took the G REYHOUND bus down there. My mother said, ―You can't go there, you're too sick.‖ I pretended I wasn't that bad. She, I believe, had no idea I was on my way to an abortion, but I heard later, "Ya, she went to Connecticut and then when she came back, she wasn't pregnant anymore..." How the hell did they know, I thought? Hmmm. I'll tell you about the abortion next, but I came back from Connecticut and pretended like it was just another day. Then my mother got all these books on abortion and put them on the table and places in the house for me to read, but still never said a word and neither did I. I pretended like nothing had happened, but she knew better. I was really mad now inside, ‗cause it's ―too late!‖ I thought. ―You jerk, you should've helped me out earlier. Too late now.‖ But we never talked about it.
felt insecure about the
pregnancy. She wanted it even though she was scared. She didn‘t have support: At first I wasn't sure how I felt. I was in shock, because I really thought this would never happen to me. There was a little sigh of relief, because now I know I couldn't disappoint him when we were ready to have children. … I told him it was up to him to make the decision. I just assumed we were going to keep it because he is always talking about us having babies. … He said I made my decision. He holds my face and says: "Y OU LOVE ME , RIGHT
?" I
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say, "Y ES ." Then he says: "N O MATTER WHAT I SAY YOU ‘ RE NOT GOING TO LEAVE ME :" I say "O F COURSE I WON ‘ T ." He says, "I
THINK I WANT TO KEEP THE BABY ." My face turned white and I had a scared look on my face — but inside I was so happy. He looked at me and said what was that face for I said because I was scared. Then he said: "B ABY ,
, WE CAN ‘ T KEEP IT RIGHT NOW .
I T ‘ S JUST NOT A GOOD TIME .‖ I
just fell apart inside. He really broke my heart. I was crying inside. But I just won't let him see me crying, and I will never tell him how much he just really hurt me. So I went home and looked for abortion clinics on the computer. I found one and it cost $500. I called him and told him. The next day he handed me the $500. I told him that I didn't want him to go to the doctor with me. So Thursday I made the appointment. I was still in so much pain with his decision. I was thinking of ways I could do it on my own — but I couldn't.
Carol‘s mention of abortion and his non- committal response made her feel insecure and unsure. She didn‘t have support: We decided to move away from South Dakota and start afresh. We would get married and live happily ever after. Mike and I were just taking things as they came. Dealing the best we could. Then I started thinking about our real future. Not the ―let‘s play house‖ future, but reality was sinking in. It scared me to think that he was about to marry me because I was pregnant. I know he loved me, but I needed his reassurance that his love was the reason for us getting married. Not the pregnancy. So I thought if I hypothetically took the pregnancy out of the picture, he would reassure me and everything would be fine. So I casually said that there is one option we never discussed. I could get an abortion. I fully expected him to say, ―N O WAY ‖. But that‘s not what he said. Instead, he just kinda froze, dumbfounded. Then the words that came out of his mouth that had been spoon-fed to him by the supposedly enlightened society that we live in: It‘s Your Body, It‘s Your Choice. I was stunned! Did I hear that right? He not only is NOT stepping up to the plate, he‘s leaving it all up to me? He really doesn‘t want this baby at all?
―Suddenly I was scared to death‖
Suddenly I was scared to death. Those 6 little words carried so much power, and brought down so much fear into my life. I felt abandoned. I could go home to my parents. They already knew I was
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pregnant. They would support us. But, geez, I was 22 and mature… and capable! And scared! I was so scared! No friends or family near me for support. No one but Mike. And suddenly he didn‘t feel so very supportive. 53
Quotable Quote ―Women Need Love, Not Abortion.‖ —pro-life slogan
Didn‘t really want an abortion after all Brittany wanted to turn around: That was the longest drive of my life. I kept going over in my mind how I would tell her to turn around but the words just wouldn't come out. Carol's instinct was to run: My instinct was to run. Run as far and as fast as I could. But the fear glued my butt to that seat. 54
Haley was numb:
All the way to the hospital she kept asking me to think about it and if I was sure this is what I wanted to do? I was numb yet again, and hardly spoke a word…. I was numb. I wanted to cry and run out, but I knew I couldn‘t, ‗cause already I had harmed my baby from that one tablet I had taken on the Friday.
Sheila wanted to leave: A huge part of me wanted to run from the place as fast as I could, but the lead in my heart kept me there.
Funding choices? Why aren‘t pregnancy centers getting the same funding that abortion clinics are? Doesn‘t that predestine women to make a certain choice?
Abortion, the insurance company‘s choice When Nereyda found out she had cancer her insurance company insisted on her abortion as a requirement of funding her
medical treatment. Fortunately she received some pro-life help in ensuring her right to medical treatment. While doctors gave Nereyda 2 months to live, 3 months later she‘s still fighting and she has her life, her baby and her honor. 55
Reason #5 ―Women want support, not abortion‖
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Reason #6 Abortion is an unwanted choice
How would you feel? Story 1 ow would you feel if at age 17 you found yourself between a rock and a hard place, your pregnancy ‗illegal,‘ your father mad and your boyfriend urgent to "get rid of it"? You don‘t stand up strongly enough and your parents fly you out of the country for an abortion…Sounds like an unwanted choice to me!
I am a 17-year-old girl. I had an abortion just yesterday although I never wanted to. This is my story. I live in the Middle East in Muscat, Oman. I am Italian but Muslim. I had been seeing an Arab guy for 1 year 8 months, then found I was pregnant on the 7th of August 2007. I was ever so scared — my father would kill — not to mention the people of Oman are strong believers in Islam. They believe you are not to have sex out of wedlock, heaven forbid having a child out of wedlock! I would be deported, because it is against the law to have a child if I'm not married. Normally when things like this happen, the boyfriend asks her to marry him or the girl kills herself. But even though I knew how everybody would react, I was happy at the thought of being pregnant. I called my boyfriend to tell him but he didn‘t react the way I hoped. He told me not to worry and that everything would be alright; we'll find a way to get rid of it. My heart broke into a million pieces. I wanted my baby, and I was hoping at least he would support me. I did tell him we could have kept it, left the country and had our own little family; but he was too busy thinking about his life, his future, what he wanted. The reason he said ‗find a way‘ is because abortion is illegal in Oman, and there was no way I could have left the country without my parents finding out. After a week he came to me with many different kinds of pills and things to drink and so on. I absolutely disagreed to take anything, because I knew it could cause a lot of damage to me, but he was getting impatient, so I decided to tell my sister. She took it very well but told my mother and father. They were shocked and my father has not spoken to me till this day. My parents didn't even ask me if I wanted to keep my baby — the choice was already made — I was to get rid of it. A few weeks later I flew to England for a pregnancy termination, and within a week of being in the UK I got my appointment. I was due in H
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for my abortion on the 19th of September. I was 10 weeks pregnant with what I was sure was my baby boy, I just felt that it was a boy. Still, I did it, I killed my baby. I have never in my life felt so empty, so cruel. I regret it more than anything. I think to myself, so what if you would have been alone? I would have had my baby. I could have watched him grow, heard him laugh, dried his tears, held him near, loved him every second of every day, but I didn‘t fight for him and I will never forgive myself. I just hope that my baby can. —Eva
Story 2 ow would you feel if at age 16 you find yourself unexpectedly but happily
pregnant, and
your parents tell you that you should abort? They start telling you that you can‘t have this child and even take you to a fake "check up," which is really a brainwashing session with a counselor. You get an abortion but only to please others. Sounds like an unwanted choice to me!
On the 10th of August my period was due and it didn't come. I was with my boyfriend and his parents on a holiday and I waited a week till I did a test. I did it and for some reason I was absolutely thrilled because I wanted a change and a challenge in my life. I went out and gave my boyfriend a look and he knew exactly what I was talking about. We went for a walk by ourselves and we were so happy and in disbelief. We were talking about our new lives together and the godmothers and fathers and names if it was a boy or girl.
because I wanted a change and a challenge in my life‖
We went back home the next day and we decided we were going to tell our parents; we had no idea how to tell them and what they would do. The whole day I spent trying to get it out of my mouth to my mum, but it just wouldn't, and I had to tell her! So I got my mobile and wrote a text message to her. (I was at work at the time) I came home for lunch and I had the rest of the day off. Stephen (my boyfriend) went home to tell his mum, and my mum took me to the Women Health Resource Center.
There they did a pregnancy test again and the counselor left my mum and I to talk. All she said was, ―Lauren, I am making the decision for you because all your H
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hormones will be playing around and making you feel you need to keep this child. It is only a clump of cells at the moment. Get it done now and it won't be as painful.‖ I just broke down crying and all I wanted to do was see Stephen and let him tell me everything I wanted to hear. I cried all day in fear of what I should do, because my second mum said that I should keep it and she will help, and so did all of my friends. I couldn't take it anymore. I was so sick of Stephen‘s parents and mine. plus there was also my two aunties and cousins. I decided I don't care what anyone thinks. I am keeping it and I am going to raise my child. No one was happy in my family. A month went by, and in that month my mum took me to see a doctor because they thought it was an ectopic; but the results were good. And then my mum took me to a lady for supposedly a "checkup" but it was more of a brainwashing session, telling me there was no way in hell that I could raise a child financially and physically, plus I had the rest of my teenage years to live; it would ruin my life. She had no idea. My boyfriend and I were having tea at his parents‘ house and my dad came over. He had wrote in a notebook all the costs of living with a child and a chart with the good and bad. I was trying to stick up for my baby, but everything they said would bring me down. They had nothing positive to say. Stephen and I went for a drive and he had (apparently to him) had a reality check; it was impossible to have a child this young and he wants to travel the world with me. We broke up that night but then made up the next day. He decided he didn't want to lose me and he would be happy with whatever decision I made. He would be there for me (and he did stick by his word).
―I couldn't take it anymore‖
I went home one night and thought by myself, and I made a decision that will make my family happy. On the 28th of September I went to Perth with Stephen and my mum. I was so nervous; it was the last day with my baby, the last morning. I kept crying but thank God Stephen was there. I couldn't have been there without him. My name got called after waiting there for 2 hours. I went and talked to a nurse and found out I was 9.5 weeks pregnant. Then I filled out the forms and my mum handed over the money. I went into this small room with Stephen. Various types of people came and saw me and talked to me; I signed the forms and put a
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sarong on me. I left Stephen and I couldn't even kiss him goodbye. As soon as I left him I cried, and the people put me on this bed, I don't even remember the room I was in because all I was focusing on is the doctor that was going to kill my baby. I cried my heart out, and the lady next to me was comforting me and another guy next to me put a needle in me.
but cry‖
I vaguely remember moving from the bed where I had the operation to the recovery room. I woke up to a lady next to my bed and I couldn't do anything but cry. I had the one thing I was ready to have to change my life taken away from me. I had cramps and I was starving. I then went out to another room where Stephen was. I felt so alone before, but with him there I just wanted to be in his arms and cry on his shoulder forever. I went back to my state of mind and I felt a little relieved. I didn't feel regret. I even filled out a survey for the abortion clinic with high marks. That day I traveled back home. To face my friends who didn't know what had happened that day at 11:00 was so hard. A couple of days later I started telling people it was a miscarriage and my friends did not believe me. They knew what I had done and they believed it was because my parents and Stephen's parents and Stephen had ganged up on me. One was angry at the start, but my best friend was disgusted in me and said she never wants to talk to me again. Everyone was making me feel so guilty and rubs it in all the time. I can't face it anymore and even writing this story is so painful. It has not even been a week and I have already started thinking how can I take it back but I can't. I can't even forgive myself. I never can, no matter how hard I try. I now am going to be in pain for the rest of my life. There is no way anyone can help me out of this. —Chelsea How would you feel? Story 3 ow would you feel if at age 19 your boyfriend shows his true colors upon learning of your pregnancy? He distances himself from you and threatens to leave town if you don‘t get that abortion. You might be able to do it alone but you have no clue who to turn to. Sounds like an unwanted choice to me!
At nineteen, you don‘t think something H |