It Ends with Us

Chapter Nine
I drop the journal on my chest. I’m surprised to feel tears running down
my cheeks. Every time I pick up this journal I think I’ll be fine—that it all
happened so long ago and I won’t still feel what I felt back then.
I’m such a sap. It gives me this longing to hug so many people from my
past. Especially my mother because for the past year, I haven’t really
thought about everything she had to go through before my father died. I
know it probably still hurts her.
I grab my phone to call her and look at the screen. There are four
missed texts from Ryle. My heart immediately skips. 
I can’t believe I had it on
silent!
Then I roll my eyes, annoyed with myself, because I should 
not
be
this excited.
Ryle: Are you asleep?
Ryle: I guess so.
Ryle: Lily . . .
Ryle. : (
The sad face was sent ten minutes ago. I hit Reply and type, “Nope. Not
asleep.” About ten seconds later, I get another text.
Ryle: Good. I’m walking up your stairs right now. Be there in twenty seconds.
I grin and jump out of bed. I go to the bathroom and check my face.
Good enough.
I run to the front door and open it as soon as Ryle makes it
up the stairwell. He practically drags himself up the top step, and then
stops to rest when he finally reaches my door. He looks so tired. His eyes
are red and there are dark circles under them. His arms slip around my
waist and he pulls me to him, burying his face in my neck.
“You smell so good,” he says.
I pull him inside the apartment. “Are you hungry? I can make you
something to eat.”
He shakes his head as he wrestles out of his jacket, so I skip the kitchen
and head for the bedroom. He follows me, and then throws his jacket over

---

the back of the chair. He kicks off his shoes and pushes them against the
wall.
He’s wearing scrubs.
“You look exhausted,” I say.
He smiles and puts his hands on my hips. “I am. I just assisted in an
eighteen-hour surgery.” He bends down and kisses the heart tattoo on my
collarbone.
No wonder he’s exhausted
. “How is that even possible?” I say. “Eighteen
hours
?”
He nods and then walks me to the side of the bed where he pulls me
down next to him. We adjust ourselves until we’re facing each other,
sharing a pillow. “Yeah, but it was amazing. Groundbreaking. They’ll write
about it in medical journals, and I got to be there, so I’m not complaining.
I’m just really tired.”
I lean in and give him a peck on the mouth. He brings his hand to the
side of my head and pulls back. “I know you’re probably ready to have hot,
sweaty sex, but I don’t have the energy tonight. I’m sorry. But I’ve missed
you and for some reason I sleep better when I sleep next to you. Is it okay
that I’m here?”
I smile. “It’s more than okay.”
He leans in and kisses my forehead. He grabs my hand and then holds
it between us on the pillow. His eyes close, but I keep mine open and stare
at him. He has the type of face that people shy away from, because you
could get lost in it. And to think, I get to look at this face all the time. I
don’t have to be modest and look away, because he’s mine.
Maybe.
This is a trial run. I have to remember that.
After a minute, he releases my hand and begins to flex his fingers. I
look down at his hand and wonder what that must be like . . . to have to
stand for so long and use your fine motor skills for eighteen hours
straight. I can’t think of much else that would match that level of
exhaustion.
I slide out of the bed and retrieve some lotion out of my bathroom. I go
back to the bed and sit cross-legged next to him. I squirt some lotion on
my hand and then pull his arm to my lap. He opens his eyes and looks up
at me.
“What are you doing?” he mumbles.

---

“Shh. Go back to sleep,” I say. I press my thumbs into the palm of his
hand and rotate them upward and then out. His eyes fall shut and he
groans into the pillow. I continue massaging his hand for about five
minutes before switching to his other hand. He keeps his eyes closed the
whole time. When I’m finished with his hands, I roll him onto his stomach
and straddle his back. He assists me in pulling off his shirt, but his arms
are like noodles.
I massage his shoulders and his neck and his back and his arms. When
I’m finished, I roll off of him and lie down beside him.
I’m running my fingers through his hair and massaging his scalp when
he opens his eyes. “Lily?” he whispers, looking at me sincerely. “You just
might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Those words wrap around me like a warm blanket. I don’t know what to
say in response. He lifts a hand and gently cups my cheek, and I feel his
stare deep in my stomach. Slowly, he leans forward and presses his lips to
mine. I expect a peck, but he doesn’t pull back. The tip of his tongue
slides across my lips, parting them softly. His mouth is so warm, I moan as
his kiss grows deeper.
He rolls me onto my back and then drags his hand down my body,
straight to my hip. He moves closer, sliding his hand down my thigh. He
pushes against me and a surge of heat shoots inside me. I grab a fistful of
his hair and whisper against his mouth. “I think we’ve waited long enough.
I would very much like for you to fuck me now.”
He practically growls with a renewed sense of energy and begins to pull
my shirt off. It becomes an interlude of hands and moans and tongues and
sweat. I feel like this is the first time I’ve ever been touched by a man. The
few who came before him were all boys—nervous hands and timid
mouths. But Ryle is all confidence. He knows exactly where to touch me
and exactly how to kiss me.
The only time he’s not giving my body his undivided attention is when
he reaches to the floor and fishes a condom out of his wallet. Once he’s
back under the covers and the condom is in place, he doesn’t even
hesitate. He takes me brazenly in one swift thrust and I gasp into his
mouth, every muscle in me tensing.
His mouth is fierce and needy, kissing me everywhere he can reach. I
grow so dizzy, I can do nothing but succumb to him. He’s unapologetic in
the way he fucks me. His hand comes between my headboard and the top

---

of my head as he pushes harder and harder, the bed crashing against the
wall with every push.
My fingernails dig into the skin of his back as he buries his face against
my neck.
“Ryle,” I whisper.
“Oh, 
God
,” I say.
“Ryle!” I scream.
And then I bite down on his shoulder to muffle every sound that comes
after it. My whole body feels it—from my head to my toes and back up
again.
I’m afraid I might literally pass out for a moment, so I tighten my legs
around him and he tenses. “
Jesus
, Lily.” His body ripples with tremors, and
he shoves against me one last time. He groans, stilling himself on top of
me. His body jerks with his release and my head falls back against the
pillow.
It’s a full minute before either of us is able to move. And even then, we
choose not to. He presses his face into the pillow and lets out a deep sigh.
“I can’t . . .” He pulls back and looks down at me. His eyes are full of
something . . . I don’t know what. He presses his lips to mine and then
says, “You were so right.”
“About what?”
He slowly pulls out of me, coming down on his forearms. “You warned
me. You said one time with you wouldn’t be enough. You said you were
like a drug. But you failed to tell me you were the most addictive kind.”

---