Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

THE CHRIS DISCOUNT
People always talk about remembering and using (but not
overusing) your counterpart’s name in a negotiation. And
that’s important. The reality though is people are often tired
of being hammered with their own name. The slick
salesman trying to drive them to “Yes” will hit them with it
over and over.
Instead, take a different tack and use your own name.
That’s how I get the Chris discount.
Just as using Alastair’s name with the kidnapper and
getting him to use it back humanized the hostage and made
it less likely he would be harmed, using your own name
creates the dynamic of “forced empathy.” It makes the other

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side see you as a person.
A few years ago I was in a bar in Kansas with a bunch of
fellow FBI negotiators. The bar was packed, but I saw one
empty chair. I moved toward it but just as I got ready to sit
the guy next to it said, “Don’t even think about it.”
“Why?” I asked, and he said, “Because I’ll kick your
ass.”
He was big, burly, and already drunk, but look, I’m a
lifelong hostage negotiator—I gravitate toward tense
situations that need mediation like a moth to the flame.
I held out my hand to shake his and said, “My name is
Chris.”
The dude froze, and in the pause my fellow FBI guys
moved in, patted him on the shoulders, and offered to buy
him a drink. Turned out he was a Vietnam veteran at a
particularly low point. He was in a packed bar where the
entire world seemed to be celebrating. The only thing he
could think of was to fight. But as soon as I became “Chris,”
everything changed.
Now take that mindset to a financial negotiation. I was in
an outlet mall a few months after the Kansas experience and
I picked out some shirts in one of the stores. At the front
counter the young lady asked me if I wanted to join their
frequent buyer program.
I asked her if I got a discount for joining and she said,
“No.”
So I decided to try another angle. I said in a friendly
manner, “My name is Chris. What’s the Chris discount?”

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She looked from the register, met my eyes, and gave a
little laugh.
“I’ll have to ask my manager, Kathy,” she said and
turned to the woman who’d been standing next to her.
Kathy, who’d heard the whole exchange, said, “The best
I can do is ten percent.”
Humanize yourself. Use your name to introduce
yourself. Say it in a fun, friendly way. Let them enjoy the
interaction, too. And get your own special price.