No Longer Human Osamu Dazai


gone to all the trouble. Thank you so much." Then, turning in my



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gone to all the trouble. Thank you so much." Then, turning in my
direction, "How about one for you? Mother made it specially. Ahh . .
this is delicious. Really terrific." He ate with a gusto, almost a rapture,
which did not seem to be altogether play acting. I also spooned my bowl
of jelly. It tasted watery, and when I came to the piece of fruit at the
bottom, it was not fruit after all, but a substance I could not identify.
I by no means despised their poverty. (At the time I didn't think that
the jelly tasted bad, and I was really grateful for the old woman's
kindness. It is true that I dread poverty, but I do not believe I ever have
despised it.) The jelly and the way Horiki rejoiced
over it taught me a
lesson in the parsimoniousness of the city-dweller, and in what it is
really like in a Tokyo household where the members divide their lives
so sharply between what they do at home and what they do on the
outside. I was filled with dismay at these signs that I, a fool rendered
incapable by my perpetual flight from human society from
distinguishing between "at home" and "on the outside," was the only
one completely left out, that I had been deserted even by Horiki. I


should like to record that as I manipulated the peeling lacquer
chopsticks to eat my jelly, I felt unbearably lonely.
"I'm sorry, but I've got an appointment today," Horiki said, standing
and putting on his jacket. "I'm going now. Sorry."
At that moment a woman visitor arrived for Horiki. My fortunes
thereby took a sudden turn.
Horiki at once became quite animated. "Oh, I am sorry. I was just on
my way to your place when this fellow dropped in without warning. No,

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