Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

THE BOOK
Like a contractor building a house, this book is constructed
from the ground up: first comes the big slabs of foundation,
then the necessary load-bearing walls, the elegant but
impermeable roof, and the lovely interior decorations.
Each chapter expands on the previous one. First you’ll
learn the refined techniques of this approach to Active
Listening and then you’ll move on to specific tools, turns of
phrase, the ins and outs of the final act—haggling—and,
finally, how to discover the rarity that can help you achieve
true negotiating greatness: the Black Swan.
In Chapter 2, you’ll learn how to avoid the assumptions
that blind neophyte negotiators and replace them with Active
Listening techniques like Mirroring, Silences, and the Late-
Night FM DJ Voice. You’ll discover how to slow things
down and make your counterpart feel safe enough to reveal
themselves; to discern between wants (aspirations) and
needs (the bare minimum for a deal); and to laser-focus on
what the other party has to say.
Chapter 3 will delve into Tactical Empathy. You’ll learn
how to recognize your counterpart’s perspective and then
gain trust and understanding through Labeling—that is, by
repeating that perspective back to them. You’ll also learn
how to defuse negative dynamics by bringing them into the
open. Finally, I’ll explain how to disarm your counterpart’s
complaints about you by speaking them aloud in an
Accusation Audit.
Next, in Chapter 4, I’ll examine ways to make your

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counterpart feel understood and positively affirmed in a
negotiation
in
order
to
create an atmosphere of
unconditional positive regard. Here, you’ll learn why you
should strive for “That’s right” instead of “Yes” at every
stage of a negotiation, and how to identify, rearticulate, and
emotionally affirm your counterpart’s worldview with
Summaries and Paraphrasing.
Chapter 5 teaches the flip side of Getting to Yes. You’ll
learn why it’s vitally important to get to “No” because “No”
starts the negotiation. You’ll also discover how to step out
of your ego and negotiate in your counterpart’s world, the
only way to achieve an agreement the other side will
implement. Finally, you’ll see how to engage your
counterpart by acknowledging their right to choose, and
you’ll learn an email technique that ensures that you’ll never
be ignored again.
In Chapter 6, you’ll discover the art of bending reality.
That is, I’ll explain a variety of tools for framing a
negotiation in such a way that your counterpart will
unconsciously accept the limits you place on the discussion.
You’ll learn how to navigate deadlines to create urgency;
employ the idea of fairness to nudge your counterpart; and
anchor their emotions so that not accepting your offer feels
like a loss.
After this, Chapter 7 is dedicated to that incredibly
powerful tool I used at Harvard: Calibrated Questions, the
queries that begin with “How?” or “What?” By eliminating
“Yes” and “No” answers they force your counterpart to

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apply their mental energy to solving your problems.
In Chapter 8 I demonstrate how to employ these
Calibrated Questions to guard against failures in the
implementation phase. “Yes,” as I always say, is nothing
without “How?” You’ll also discover the importance of
nonverbal communication; how to use “How” questions to
gently say “No”; how to get your counterparts to bid against
themselves; and how to influence the deal killers when
they’re not at the table.
At a certain point, every negotiation gets down to the
brass tacks: that is, to old-school haggling. Chapter 9 offers
a step-by-step process for effective bargaining, from how to
prepare to how to dodge an aggressive counterpart and how
to go on the offensive. You’ll learn the Ackerman system,
the most effective process the FBI has for setting and
making offers.
Finally, Chapter 10 explains how to find and use those
most rare of negotiation animals: the Black Swan. In every
negotiation there are between three and five pieces of
information that, were they to be uncovered, would change
everything. The concept is an absolute game-changer; so
much so, I’ve named my company The Black Swan Group.
In this chapter, you’ll learn how to recognize the markers
that show the Black Swan’s hidden nest, as well as simple
tools for employing Black Swans to gain leverage over your
counterpart and achieve truly amazing deals.
Each chapter will start with a fast-paced story of a
hostage negotiation, which will then be dissected with an

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eye to explaining what worked and what didn’t. After I
explain the theory and the tools, you’ll read real-life case
studies from me and others who’ve used these tools to
prevail while negotiating a salary, purchasing a car, or
working out nettlesome problems at home.
When you finish this book, I will have succeeded if
you’ve applied these crucial techniques to improve your
career and life. I’m sure you will. Just remember, to
successfully negotiate it is critical to prepare. Which is why
in the Appendix you’ll find an invaluable tool I use with all
my students and clients called the Negotiation One Sheet: a
concise primer of nearly all our tactics and strategies for you
to think through and customize for whatever kind of deal
you’re looking to close.
Most important to me is that you understand how urgent,
essential, and even beautiful negotiation can be. When we
embrace negotiating’s transformative possibilities, we learn
how to get what we want and how to move others to a better
place.
Negotiation is the heart of collaboration. It is what makes
conflict potentially meaningful and productive for all