Power Questions: Build Relationships, Win New Business, and Influence Others

colleague, friend, parent?)
Suggestions for How to Use This Question
“How do you see me as a leader?” (. . .or, as
a colleague, friend, parent?)
We take for granted that the people who work for us or with us understand and respect
what we stand for—that they appreciate our values and approach to work. The same
goes in our personal lives, with regard to our family members and friends. But do they
know who we really are? How do we know?
You can create a truly intimate and inspired conversation by asking this question.
You may learn something unexpected.
When to use the question
Any time you want to know how others perceive your leadership.

---

To discover if those closest to you—family, friends, colleagues—understand who
you are and what you stand for.
To shake people up who are on the fence about your intentions.
Alternative versions of the question
“What do you think I stand for?”
“If you were to summarize the principles or values I exemplify, what would some
of them be?”
Follow-up questions
“What have I done that has really reinforced that?”
“What else could I do to better communicate and be a role model for these
things?”
“Why do you think that?”

---

22
That Special Moment in Life
Get ready. I'm going to ask you the power question that this chapter is all
about.
What was the happiest day of your life?
Was it the day you got that all-important promotion? When your first
child was born? The day you met your future spouse? Or perhaps when you
married?
What day was special for you beyond all others? What memory, even
years later, still makes you smile?
Take a minute and think about this question. What was the happiest day
of your life, your best moment? Get your answer firmly in your mind. Savor
it. When you finish, read on. I am going to share with you a story about
Bob.
You've met a few people in your life like him. But not many. They walk
into a room and they command the space. Their very presence fills the
room.
That's Bob. He's one of those people.
I'm talking about Robert Reynolds, Chief Executive Officer and President
of Putnam Investments. It's one of the five top investment houses in the
country.
When he went to Putnam, the company was in shambles. There were a
number of years of bad returns and civil charges involving improper
trading. You wonder why Bob, the darling of the financial world at the time,
would want to take on that kind of challenge.
Well, he has turned it around. The Wall Street Journal wrote about him
launching a whole new era at Putnam. The paper goes on to say, “He has
restored the company's reputation as well as performance.”

---

“When I first arrived at Putnam,” Bob says to me, “I found a staff focused
on not losing more money. I told them if they wanted to stick around, they
had better focus instead on making money.”
His office is a cornucopia of photographs, statues, mementos, and gifts he
received when he left Fidelity, the big gorilla in the investment business. I'll
tell you more about his involvement there in a moment.
First let me tell you about this visit with Bob. I ask him lots of questions.
I do this on every visit when I meet with someone. There's one question that
usually elicits a poignant response (and is the most inner-reaching): What is
the greatest disappointment in your life?
I ask Bob this question. I don't get a glimmer from him.
I figure I know the answer. I'm thinking it's too bitter a memory for him to
talk about. But Bob finally responds.
“You know, I don't really experience disappointments. I can't really
remember any major ones. I'm a very positive guy.”
I probe a bit more. I think I know Bob fairly well. I am pretty certain he
will tell me the great disappointment in his life is not getting the job as
Commissioner of the National Football League. He had actually been told
he was the choice of the team owners.
“There were a number of candidates. Then it got down to eight. Then
four. Then finally an internal candidate and me.
“I get a call from Paul Tagliabue. He was Commissioner at the time and
just retiring. He says to me, ‘I think you're the guy, Bob. We should talk.’ I
went to see him and had a good meeting.
“And no, in the end I wasn't offered the job. But I actually wasn't
disappointed. I was proud I was even a candidate and got as far as I did.”
I cover a great deal of ground with Bob on this three-hour visit. There is a
lot of catching up to do.
I decide to ask him another power question. “Think back, Bob. What has
been the happiest day in your life? The very happiest.”
“That's easy. It was the day Ned Johnson (the founder of Fidelity
Investments) tells me I would be his successor, the Chief Executive Officer.
I am absolutely thrilled. It is the culmination of so much.
“As it turns out, it doesn't end up that way. If you want the details, check
Fortune magazine. It's a long story. But it was an amiable parting. It was

---

just time to leave.”
When he left Fidelity, Bob was number two at the company and Chief
Operating Officer.
We talked a long time about Fidelity. As well as I know Bob, I had never
explored this with him. “What has been the happiest day in your life?”
That's what opened up a great deal of insight into his Fidelity experience.
It's very hard and at times stressful to be number two in a family business—
especially if there are members of the family on the staff you're supervising.
Akin to that, I'm reminded of a similar story.
Someone asked Christian Herter what it was like being the second in
command under John Foster Dulles, Secretary of State. “It's very hard being
number two in a one-person department.”
In my session with Bob, the question that produced the most substantial
response is, “What has been the happiest day in your life?” Every time I ask
someone this question, the reaction is deeply revealing.
Keep in mind that what might be the happiest day for one person may not
necessarily be the most joyful for another.
President John Adams wrote in his journal one day: “I went fishing with
Charles. It was the worst day in my life.” His son, nine-year-old Charles,
wrote in his journal. “I went fishing today with father. It was the happiest
day in my life.”
Dig deep and learn something special about the other person. You will
also bring a smile to their face when you ask, “What has been the