George Bernard Shaw a penn State Electronic Classics Series Publication

picks up the book and places it on the table]. Sorry to wake
you, miss, I’m sure; but you are a stranger to me. What might
you be waiting here for now?
THE YOUNG LADY
. Waiting for somebody to show some
signs of knowing that I have been invited here.
THE WOMANSERVANT
. Oh, you’re invited, are you? And
has nobody come? Dear! dear!
THE YOUNG LADY
. A wild-looking old gentleman came
and looked in at the window; and I heard him calling out,
“Nurse, there is a young and attractive female waiting in the
poop. Go and see what she wants.” Are you the nurse?

---

40
Heartbreak House
THE WOMANSERVANT
. Yes, miss: I’m Nurse Guinness.
That was old Captain Shotover, Mrs Hushabye’s father. I
heard him roaring; but I thought it was for something else. I
suppose it was Mrs Hushabye that invited you, ducky?
THE YOUNG LADY
. I understood her to do so. But really
I think I’d better go.
NURSE GUINNESS
. Oh, don’t think of such a thing, miss.
If Mrs Hushabye has forgotten all about it, it will be a pleas-
ant surprise for her to see you, won’t it?
THE YOUNG LADY
. It has been a very unpleasant sur-
prise to me to find that nobody expects me.
NURSE GUINNESS
. You’ll get used to it, miss: this house
is full of surprises for them that don’t know our ways.
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER 
[looking in from the hall suddenly:
an ancient but still hardy man with an immense white beard,
in a reefer jacket with a whistle hanging from his neck]. Nurse,
there is a hold-all and a handbag on the front steps for every-
body to fall over. Also a tennis racquet. Who the devil left
them there?
THE YOUNG LADY
. They are mine, I’m afraid.
THE CAPTAIN 
[advancing to the drawing-table]. Nurse, who
is this misguided and unfortunate young lady?
NURSE GUINNESS
. She says Miss Hessy invited her, sir.
THE CAPTAIN
. And had she no friend, no parents, to warn
her against my daughter’s invitations? This is a pretty sort of
house, by heavens! A young and attractive lady is invited
here. Her luggage is left on the steps for hours; and she her-
self is deposited in the poop and abandoned, tired and starv-
ing. This is our hospitality. These are our manners. No room
ready. No hot water. No welcoming hostess. Our visitor is to
sleep in the toolshed, and to wash in the duckpond.
NURSE GUINNESS
. Now it’s all right, Captain: I’ll get the
lady some tea; and her room shall be ready before she has
finished it. [To the young lady]. Take off your hat, ducky; and
make yourself at home [she goes to the door leading to the hall].
THE CAPTAIN 
[as she passes him]. Ducky! Do you sup-
pose, woman, that because this young lady has been insulted
and neglected, you have the right to address her as you ad-
dress my wretched children, whom you have brought up in
ignorance of the commonest decencies of social intercourse?
NURSE GUINNESS
. Never mind him, doty. [Quite un-
concerned, she goes out into the hall on her way to the kitchen].

---

41
GB Shaw
THE CAPTAIN
. Madam, will you favor me with your name?
[He sits down in the big wicker chair].
THE YOUNG LADY
. My name is Ellie Dunn.
THE CAPTAIN
. Dunn! I had a boatswain whose name was
Dunn. He was originally a pirate in China. He set up as a
ship’s chandler with stores which I have every reason to be-
lieve he stole from me. No doubt he became rich. Are you
his daughter?
ELLIE 
[indignant]. No, certainly not. I am proud to be able
to say that though my father has not been a successful man,
nobody has ever had one word to say against him. I think
my father is the best man I have ever known.
THE CAPTAIN
. He must be greatly changed. Has he at-
tained the seventh degree of concentration?
ELLIE
. I don’t understand.
THE CAPTAIN
. But how could he, with a daughter? I,
madam, have two daughters. One of them is Hesione
Hushabye, who invited you here. I keep this house: she up-
sets it. I desire to attain the seventh degree of concentration:
she invites visitors and leaves me to entertain them. [Nurse