talking, you don't empower the other person.
Your job is not to listen and respond. Your job is to gain information and
create a vibrant dialogue. That's an important distinction.
Tell me more is
the magic key to open up the next layer of the other person's thinking and
experiences.
Gain more information and open the other person up by asking,
“Can
you tell me more?” Ask it often. It is
to conversations what fresh-
baked bread with soft creamery butter is to a meal.
Suggestions for How to Use This Question
“Can you tell me more?
A woman has dinner, within one month, with two great rival British statesmen of the
nineteenth century, Gladstone and Disraeli. Both have been Prime Minister of the
country. When
asked to compare the two men, she says, “After my dinner with Mr.
Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in all of England.” When her friends ask
about her second evening out, she replies, “After my dinner with Mr. Disraeli, I felt as
though
I were the cleverest woman in all of England!”
When you make the conversation all about you, others may think you are clever. But
you will not build their trust. You will not learn about them. You will squander an
opportunity to build
the foundations for a rich, long-term relationship.
When to use the question
Often and everywhere.
As a general prompt to encourage someone to go deeper and say more.
Alternative versions of the question
“Can you say more about that?”
“What do you mean by. . .?” (ask them to define their terms more carefully)
Follow-up questions
“When. . .?”
“What. . .?”
“How. . .?
“Why. . .?
