being forced into getting married, and when they say ‘no’ they get yelled at and
psychologically tortured. ‘Why are you not listening? Why are you making
things hard on the family? What is wrong with you? Why are you embarrassing
us like this? I knew I should have had a son.’ They have to hear all this garbage.
All this garbage.
All of it is done away with just one expression:
fa-aḥsana ilayhinna
, or
wa-
ttaqā Allāh fīhinn
. The Prophet (
ṣallā Allāh ʿalayhi wa-sallam
) said when he
talks to them, he has
taqwā
of Allah. They are going to be speaking on
judgement day about what rights they had. Allah has given them certain rights
and your job as
walī
is not to tell them what to do, but to protect their rights.
That’s your job as a father, that’s my job as a father, to protect their rights. To
ensure their happiness, not your happiness, their happiness. That’s having
taqwā
of Allah in their matter. We tell them to have
taqwā
of Allah, so they should do
whatever we want. It’s the other way around.
This is the
amānah
of daughters: how softly we have to speak with our
daughters, how kind we have to be with them. I’ve seen so many cases. There
are people that email me from all over the world; the girl tells me my father tells
me I’m fat and I’m ugly and nobody’s going to marry me and I can’t say
anything because he’s my father. So could you please tell me what to do? I don’t
know what to tell this girl. I do know what to tell her father though:
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