Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

While some claim that the best way to deal with an unfortunate situation, such as an unsatisfactory occupation or lack of money, is to accept it, others believe that it is better to attempt to improve such bad situations. (very nice paraphrasing)

On the one hand, embracing unpleasant situations can be utterly helpful. Firstly, (if the topic sentence doesn’t introduce the concept of ‘a number of ideas’, it feels slightly mechanical to start the next sentence with ‘firstly’) when attempting to rectify such abysmal (too strong) things (issues such) as a job that one is not content with, people often exacerbate their problems. In other words, in an attempt to land a more satisfactory job, they will run the risk of losing their current job, which will make them even more depressed. If, on the other hand, they learn to accept these disappointing life events, they will not have to worry about how things can go wrong. More importantly, accepting such situations can help people become more resilient to new changes. Accepting bad things means that a person is able to adapt to almost anything. After all, this is how our ancestors learned to live through challenges before eventually adapting to climate variations, for example (is this the best example of ‘accepting bad things’? - it’s ok, but perhaps there’s something better - the fact that many people migrated comes to mind… again, nothing wrong with the example, but this essay is extremely high level, so I want to find any slight potential weakness). Therefore, accepting these challenges not only helps people maintain their overall well-being, but also makes them more resilient.
On the other hand, attempting to solve problems can be (is usually… this would make the position of your paragraph and essay a bit clearer… ‘can be’ leaves things a bit too open in my opinion) a better solution. If people simply ignore misfortunes, they are highly likely to regret (have the regret) at the end of their lives that they never tried to better the situation. My grandmother, for example, says that the biggest sorrow of her life is not that she did something bad, but that she did nothing about that (nothing about what???) when she had the opportunity and the time. She would dwell on the consequences (of what?) so much so that she missed out on how she could have a better life. However (Moreover… in my opinion, you are continuing the argument made in previous sentences), when trying to call a halt to (address) problems like being underpaid at work, people will at least have the chance to do one thing that they always wanted to fulfill. This gives them the level of satisfaction that nothing else will. Thus, at least doing something about bad things can be worthwhile. (To me, this paragraph lacked concrete examples - everything was a bit abstract and it was hard to see how the argument applied in real life for this reason - this paragraph makes the reader create the links between the evidence and conclusion… better to be more explicit)
Although acceptance is claimed to be practical when (people are) faced with challenges, I believe that leaving them the way they (can you leave a challenge alone?? it feels slightly weird to me) are is not helpful, and that putting an end to them is far better mainly because of regret of inaction.

—

Overall: Some of this essay was truly textbook quality. I thought the first paragraph was in the 8 to 9 range. I thought the second paragraph was in the 7 range due to all the changes I would have made. There were issues that touched on all band descriptors. The overly abstract nature made body 2 a bit less persuasive. I think this would be the main reason for a 7 in TR. The flow of ideas in this essay was excellent, but the ‘However’ was the one imperfection I would say. The grammar was at a very high level throughout. I guess this would bring your essay to a 7.5 overall. If you can put together two paragraphs like body 1, you will be in the 8 to 9 range.

Score: TR 7, CC 8, LR 7, GR 8 = 7.5

Sorry about the delay. I had a Zoom call late last night and forgot to do some corrections.