The Fault in Our Stars

Imperial Affliction meets The Price of Dawn. You’ll love it.” I kept nodding, faking a
smile, and then he hugged me, his strong arms pulling me into his muscular chest, and I
sogged up his polo shirt a little but then recovered enough to speak.
“I spent your Wish on that doucheface,” I said into his chest.
“Hazel Grace. No. I will grant you that you did spend my one and only Wish, but you
did not spend it on him. You spent it on us.”
Behind us, I heard the plonk plonk of high heels running. I turned around. It was
Lidewij, her eyeliner running down her cheeks, duly horrified, chasing us up the sidewalk.
“Perhaps we should go to the Anne Frank Huis,” Lidewij said.
“I’m not going anywhere with that monster,” Augustus said.
“He is not invited,” Lidewij said.
Augustus kept holding me, protective, his hand on the side of my face. “I don’t think
—” he started, but I cut him off.

---

“We should go.” I still wanted answers from Van Houten. But it wasn’t all I wanted. I
only had two days left in Amsterdam with Augustus Waters. I wouldn’t let a sad old man
ruin them.
Lidewij drove a clunky gray Fiat with an engine that sounded like an excited four-year-old
girl. As we drove through the streets of Amsterdam, she repeatedly and profusely
apologized. “I am very sorry. There is no excuse. He is very sick,” she said. “I thought
meeting you would help him, if he would see that his work has shaped real lives, but . . .
I’m very sorry. It is very, very embarrassing.” Neither Augustus nor I said anything. I was
in the backseat behind him. I snuck my hand between the side of the car and his seat,
feeling for his hand, but I couldn’t find it. Lidewij continued, “I have continued this work
because I believe he is a genius and because the pay is very good, but he has become a
monster.”
“I guess he got pretty rich on that book,” I said after a while.
“Oh, no no, he is of the Van Houtens,” she said. “In the seventeenth century, his
ancestor discovered how to mix cocoa into water. Some Van Houtens moved to the United
States long ago, and Peter is of those, but he moved to Holland after his novel. He is an
embarrassment to a great family.”
The engine screamed. Lidewij shifted and we shot up a canal bridge. “It is
circumstance,” she said. “Circumstance has made him so cruel. He is not an evil man. But
this day, I did not think—when he said these terrible things, I could not believe it. I am
very sorry. Very very sorry.”
We had to park a block away from the Anne Frank House, and then while Lidewij stood in
line to get tickets for us, I sat with my back against a little tree, looking at all the moored
houseboats in the Prinsengracht canal. Augustus was standing above me, rolling my
oxygen cart in lazy circles, just watching the wheels spin. I wanted him to sit next to me,
but I knew it was hard for him to sit, and harder still to stand back up. “Okay?” he asked,
looking down at me. I shrugged and reached a hand for his calf. It was his fake calf, but I
held on to it. He looked down at me.
“I wanted . . .” I said.
“I know,” he said. “I know. Apparently the world is not a wish-granting factory.”
That made me smile a little.
Lidewij returned with tickets, but her thin lips were pursed with worry. “There is no
elevator,” she said. “I am very very sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I said.
“No, there are many stairs,” she said. “Steep stairs.”
“It’s okay,” I said again. Augustus started to say something, but I interrupted. “It’s
okay. I can do it.”
We began in a room with a video about Jews in Holland and the Nazi invasion and

---

the Frank family. Then we walked upstairs into the canal house where Otto Frank’s
business had been. The stairs were slow, for me and Augustus both, but I felt strong. Soon
I was staring at the famous bookcase that had hid Anne Frank, her family, and four others.
The bookcase was half open, and behind it was an even steeper set of stairs, only wide
enough for one person. There were fellow visitors all around us, and I didn’t want to hold
up the procession, but Lidewij said, “If everyone could be patient, please,” and I began the
walk up, Lidewij carrying the cart behind me, Gus behind her.
It was fourteen steps. I kept thinking about the people behind me—they were mostly
adults speaking a variety of languages—and feeling embarrassed or whatever, feeling like
a ghost that both comforts and haunts, but finally I made it up, and then I was in an eerily
empty room, leaning against the wall, my brain telling my lungs it’s okay it’s okay calm