The Upside of Falling

missed games in a row, I added to my mental tally. This wasn’t looking good.
Brett, on the other hand, was looking great. That smile on his face could fool
anyone. It hadn’t left since his team won. It was weird, because he’d been kind
of moping around at school this week. He didn’t talk about it much, but I knew
his parents were weighing him down. Especially since they’d missed this game
too. But now? In this clearing? He was the normal Brett Wells that everyone

---

loved. One-hundred-watt smile and all.
So, sure, I’d go along with it. Tonight we’d be Brett and Becca: The Couple.
We already had the hand-holding part down. Even the couple bantering. And I’d
yet to take one glance at the book in my bag. The night was off to a good start.
If only I could find somewhere to sit so I could take my feet out of this
grass/water situation.
I was eyeing one of the tree logs. There was a puddle separating me from it.
It looked pretty shallow. But it was wide, stretching right into the trees lining
each side of the narrow clearing. Long too. There was no way I could jump
across. Maybe if I got a running start . . .
Brett appeared beside me and bent over, nearly knocking me backward. I
yelled his name, waved my arms at my sides like a windmill to stay upright. He
spun around and caught me. It was those football player reflexes. And he was
smiling. Always smiling.
“Sorry,” he said then, hands still on my hips. His hair was wet somehow, and
a drop of water was slowly trailing down his nose. “I was trying to give you a
piggyback ride across the puddle.” He turned around again, bent over, and
reached behind to pat his back. “Hop on.” I only had to glance down at my white
sneakers for a second before deciding that this was a no-brainer. I wrapped my
arms around his neck and in one swift motion Brett hooked his hands behind my
knees and lifted me onto his back. I felt like a kid being carried through the
puddle, water splashing up on either side. Brett pretended to almost tip over—at
this point I had a death grip on his neck—then slowly let me down where the
grass was dry.
“I’m gonna get a drink. Want something?” he asked. I shook my head and he
disappeared.
I was looking around for a friendly face when I spotted Jenny standing on
her own, leaning against a tree. I took a deep breath and walked over, careful to
watch where I was stepping.
“Hey,” I said, waving.
“Becca,” she replied, sipping from her cup.
“I just wanted to say thank you.” She looked confused, so I added, “For
handing out those flyers for my mom’s bakery? Jeff told me you gave some to
the football team. That was cool of you.”
She shrugged, eyes scanning the trees. “It was no big deal. The pastries were
really good and you know how much the football team eats. . . .”
Well, I didn’t, but I could imagine.
“Anyway,” I said, “thanks again.”
I started to walk away, then stopped, remembering what she had said in the

---

bakery.
“I didn’t think we were friends anymore,” I blurted out, turning around.
She looked kind of stunned. “What?”
“That’s why I didn’t tell you about Brett. I didn’t think you would care. Or
even want to know. And I didn’t want to tell you, Jenny. You always mocked me
for being single, you made me feel horrible about it. So why would I want to
share this with you?”
“I . . . I didn’t know I made you feel like that.”
“Well, you did.”
She was staring at her cup, kicking her foot in the dirt. It was weird to see
her not looking confident like usual. “Is it too late for me to apologize?”
“Maybe,” I said. “But if you keep handing out those flyers for my mom,
maybe we can call it even.”
Jenny smiled. “Maybe.”
She held up her cup in a mock cheers and I took another step in the right
direction, heading back over to the tree bench, and took a seat. Brett appeared a
second later, kissed my cheek, and sat beside me. His hand immediately went to
my knee. I reminded myself this was what couples did. This was what Brett
expected me to do.
I placed my hand on top of his.
“Talking with Jenny?” he said, sounding surprised. “What’s that about?”
I glanced at her again, standing by herself in the trees. I knew what that felt
like, to be the outsider looking in. But Jenny had never been an outsider . . . so
where were all her friends?
I met Brett’s eyes and smiled. “We were talking about you,” I said, “and why
I let you bring me into this mess. I don’t get the hype. At all. This is really gross.
My shoes are destroyed and my legs are covered in bug bites.”
“I told you not to wear shorts,” he said.
“You told me when I was already wearing them!”
His shoulders shook as he laughed. Brett had this contagious laugh. It was
loud and booming and demanded attention. Kind of like him.
“I like the shorts,” he said. Pause. “You look nice.”
He was sitting too close to me and I was wondering how he still managed to
smell so freaking good in the grossest situations. He smelled like cinnamon, kind
of warm. Then I started to think about this cinnamon cake my mom used to
bake. It was my favorite before the jelly bells. Then I was thinking about the
selfie Brett sent me of him lying in bed that night after the arcade.
I blinked. Pulled myself together. We were already in dangerous waters,
literally, and I did not need this fake relationship messing with my feelings,

---

blurring what was and wasn’t real.
This, I reminded myself, was not.
“You’ve been looking forward to this for how long?” I asked him.
“Three years,” Brett answered. “Me and Jeff tried to sneak in during
sophomore year. We waited until the game ended and followed the seniors
through the forest. We thought we were so smart, that we’d get away with it. No
luck.”
Jeff, appearing out of nowhere, sat on my left and effortlessly joined the
conversation. “It was like they could smell the sophomore on us. We barely
made it out of my truck before they kicked us out.”
“You two are so weird.”
“It’s Lovers’ Lake,” they said at the same time.
“And?”
“I was an un-kissed sixteen-year-old boy looking for a little love,” Jeff said,
placing his hand over his heart dramatically. “Where better to look—”
“Than Lovers’ Lake,” I finished, “got it.” I turned to Brett. “What about
you? Were you looking for love at Lovers’ Lake?”
Brett held up our joined hands. “Not anymore.” Jeff made a vomiting noise
and stood up, declared he was going to get a drink. “For the record,” Brett
whispered, too close again; my nerve endings were on high alert, “I was not an
un-kissed sixteen-year-old boy.”
“Let the world know,” I called out, “Brett Wells was not an un-kissed
sixteen-year-old boy!” Brett laughed, pinching my lips. When he let go, I said,
“If Jeff’s your best friend, why doesn’t he know the truth about us?”
“We don’t really talk about that stuff.”
“Right. Guys only talk about dirt and cars and whatever else is ‘manly.’ I
forgot.”
“That’s not what I meant. Believe me, not telling Jeff is for the greater
good.”
“How so?” I asked.
Brett gave me a face, said, “Watch and learn,” and called Jeff back over. I
watched him run through the water, spraying a group of girls who shrieked, and
sit back down next to Brett.
“What’s up?”
“Duuuude,” Brett said in this voice that did not sound like his, “did you see
who went into the trees together?”
Jeff’s eyes bulged out. “No. Who?”
“Tallani and Ryan.” Brett nodded toward our left. “Just walked right through
there. We saw the whole thing.”

---

“No damn way! I thought they broke up!”
Brett looked at me and winked. To Jeff, he said, “Guess not.”
Jeff, about to explode, ran away, re-splashing the same group of girls, who
screamed even louder now.
“What was that about?” I asked.
“Give it a few minutes.”
We sat and waited. At first, nothing. People were milling around, minding
their business. Then there was a shift. People were whispering, leaning in closer.
It was kind of amazing. And slowly, I started to realize exactly what Brett had
done. A guy walked up to us, shaved head, white T-shirt, and bumped his fist
against Brett’s shoulder. “Did you hear about Tallani and Ryan?” he said,
wiggling his eyebrows. “Explains why he’s been missing so much practice.”
I was dumbfounded.
Jeff actually could not be trusted.
Brett turned to me and brushed his shoulder in that stupid, prideful way. “See
why I didn’t tell Jeff?”
I mean, it was a good display. But there was one flaw. “You realize you just
started a rumor about two people that’s a complete lie, right?”
Brett began to say something. Shut his mouth. “Well—” Shut it again. Drew
his eyebrows together. Then bit down on his lips, nodding. “I probably shouldn’t
have done that.”
“Bingo.”
“I was trying to make this a little more interesting. You don’t seem too
impressed by Lovers’ Lake.”
“Not at all.”
“What does it take to impress you, Becca? A library? Maybe a bookstore?”
I bumped my knee against his. “I’ll have you know I’m a multidimensional
person, Brett. I do more than just read and study for calc.”
“Yeah?” he asked, grin stretching impossibly wider.
The way he was looking at me made me nervous.
“Yeah.” My voice was shaking. Stop shaking!
“Then why don’t you show me one of those dimensions of yours,” he said.
I wanted to catch him off guard, show Brett that there was more to me than
the girl who kept her nose in a book. So, without thinking about it too much—
and definitely without making a pro-con list—I leaned in and kissed him. It was
quick. Maybe a second or two. Our lips barely touched. But it was nothing like
that kiss in the hallway when we were strangers. Now my heart started to race
and my fingers had a life of their own, wanting to latch onto his face and tug him
closer. But I didn’t do any of that.

---

I reminded myself this was fake and I pulled away.
I reminded myself that feelings, especially the weird ones stirring inside me
right now, were dangerous. So I pushed them down, closed all the windows, and
shut them out. I twisted the key to the lock on my heart and swallowed it whole.
No one was getting in. Nothing was getting out.
I opened my eyes. His face was so close. I could see the exact spot where the
blue of his eyes was swallowed by his pupil. And he looked kind of stunned.
Also a little impressed. I noticed how his navy long-sleeve shirt made his eyes
look more blue. Even in the moonlight, they were so damn blue. And oh my god,
what was happening to me tonight? Something was in the air at Lovers’ Lake,
because my heart had taken control of my brain.