Ask More: The Power of Questions to Open Doors, Uncover Solutions, and Spark Change pdfdrive com

Uncover Your Negative Thoughts
Find a quiet space to contemplate what you believe to be true about your
presence. Write down any negative thoughts that may hold you back.
• What do you currently think about your own executive presence and
your ability to affect it?
• What assumption of yours is getting in the way or holding you back,
and why? How long have you felt this about yourself?
• Try on the idea that you already possess the presence you seek in the
various areas of your life. What’s your reaction?
Knowing what our limiting thoughts are, and replacing them intentionally, is

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the only way to create a different possibility. Eventually, the possibility becomes
the new and improved shortcut.
How Intention Plays in the Course of Work
A few years ago, I was coaching Alan S., a senior executive at a Fortune 500
finance company. He was frustrated because he felt that with his experience and
background, he should be perceived as a high-performer with the C-suite in his
grasp. Yet he was passed over for a promotion. Believing his communication
style might be to blame, Alan hired me as his executive coach to work on it.
As I do with most engagements, I started out by speaking with Alan’s
colleagues to get an accurate picture of how he was perceived by other people.
(See Chapter 4 for how to conduct your own presence audit.) Their take was that
Alan was rarely positive about other people’s suggestions. They felt that since he
was overly critical, it was best to avoid him. He had great skills, they said, but it
was easier to stay clear of him than to solicit his help. Who had the time in a
busy day to be dragged down?
At first, Alan bristled at this feedback. He thought of himself as a pragmatist,
but overall a positive person. After we delved into his thinking patterns, it
became clear that more often than not, his pragmatism caused him to look for
what could go wrong in a situation. Only after debunking every negative would
he entertain any positive. We also assessed situations where he had face time
with his colleagues and corporate officers: executive team meetings. Because
there were so many voices competing during meetings, he tended to hang in the
back of the room because he didn’t see his contribution as additive (pragmatism
again). When I asked what his thoughts were in the meetings, he realized his
internal dialogue was, “Don’t say anything stupid.” Sometimes he even scowled
without knowing it, either in reaction to a comment or his own thoughts.
Not surprisingly, Alan was unintentionally making an impression, even
though he believed that being in the background would keep him from making
one. As I came to learn, he was actually a very caring person, but most of his
colleagues didn’t venture close enough to learn that about him.
After diagnosing what wasn’t working, we began to create some new
intentions that felt right to Alan. To develop them, we looked at leaders he
respected and wanted to emulate, both inside the company and in his personal
life. He stated a personal intention that he wanted to be seen as capable, positive,
and helpful—someone his colleagues actively sought out. Next, we began
determining when his stated intention counteracted his actions. One was

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obvious: He needed to smile more. He also made a conscious decision to hold
back reservations when others brought ideas to him; in fact, he would even
encourage what was good about their suggestions. He began to drop by people’s
offices, just to talk or offer help. And he completely changed his role in
executive team meetings by sitting near the middle of the room and making a
point to contribute something encouraging in every session.
An intentional presence creates the desired emotional reaction in others.
We used the exercise shown in
Figure 1-1
to recognize and change Alan’s
intentions. This may be a good starting point for you as well to begin noticing
how intention plays in your life.
Figure 1-1. Exercise to Observe Intention.