Accomplishments: What are the most important things you’ve done? What are
you proud of? Asking what you have accomplished, whom you have helped,
what you have created is a powerful way of taking stock and seeing your own
footprint. These questions identify accomplishments and contributions.
Appreciation: What do you want your great grandchildren to know about you?
Ask yourself this: if a stranger read your biography, what would she say were
the significant things you’ve done? Fresh eyes may see more clearly than your
own the contributions you’ve made along the way.
Adversity: What is a lesson you’d share from a mistake you made? Ask about
adversity, mistakes, and regrets. Most everyone will have a clock they’d turn
back, but mistakes can be redemptive. These questions seek meaning in mistakes
by asking what we’ve learned from them and how we’ve used them to teach
others. Asking about the downside in this way has an upside.
The Bucket List: What’s an adventure you’d like to go on? What do you want
to do most? What’s your unfinished business? These questions ask you to
daydream. You probably won’t do it all, but your bucket can become a road
map, a way to focus on the future, on the things that matter and the story you’re
writing.
Ending Questions: How do you want to be remembered? Speaking of story,
who is the character you want to be? These questions cut through all the others.
Time’s up. Book’s done. What do you want the title to be? What do you want on
the inside flap? How do you want the critics to write about you? How do you
want the story to unfold?
Listen to Your Own Voice: Listen for nuggets of accomplishment, expressions
of pride, gratitude and satisfaction. Pick up on names and ask more about each.
Listen for the high notes and pursue them. Listen for regrets and ask what
lessons they taught.
Try: Set up a time to speak with a family member, making clear that you want
to ask about significant moments, experiences and people. Prepare your
questions in “clusters” so you have several that flow from the first. For example:
What’s the most significant, yet challenging, relationship you’ve ever had? Ask
follow-ups from the cluster, corresponding to what you just heard. Tell me more.
Where did you meet? What was this person like? Why significant? How were
you similar? How were you different? What was the best day you had together?
The toughest? The point here is to ask in series—half a dozen questions or more
per cluster—to dig in deliberately and listen intently in search of recollection,
meaning and the defining stories of life.
INDEX
The index that appeared in the print version of this title was intentionally
removed from the eBook. Please use the search function on your eReading
device to search for terms of interest. For your reference, the terms that appear in
the print index are listed below.
A/B testing
accomplishments
accountability
accountability questions
aim of
vs. open-ended questions
accusation
acknowledgment
active listening, and job interviews Adams, John
adversity
affirmation
aggressiveness, confronting power
AIDS
Airbnb
air-conditioning
Al Qaeda
alternatives, in strategic answers ambiguity, in strategic answers America Online
American Folklife Center
anger, listeners and
Apollo mission
Appalachian Mountains
appreciation
Arafat, Yasser
Armstrong, Lance
Associated Press Radio
atheism, of Sendak
audience
confrontation and
and entertaining
and entertaining
authority, responsibility of citizen to question autoimmune system
AZT
bad news
Baker, Howard
Bank of America study of wealthy people bankruptcy
behavioral questions, in job interview Ben & Jerry’s
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