George Bernard Shaw a penn State Electronic Classics Series Publication

Ellie, Hector, and Lady Utterword are left. Hector is close to
Lady Utterword. They look at Ellie, waiting for her to go.
ELLIE 
[looking at the title of a book]. Do you like stories of
adventure, Lady Utterword?
LADY UTTERWORD 
[patronizingly]. Of course, dear.
ELLIE
. Then I’ll leave you to Mr Hushabye. [She goes out
through the hall].
HECTOR
. That girl is mad about tales of adventure. The
lies I have to tell her!
LADY UTTERWORD 
[not interested in Ellie]. When you
saw me what did you mean by saying that you thought, and
then stopping short? What did you think?
HECTOR 
[folding his arms and looking down at her mag-

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67
GB Shaw
netically]. May I tell you?
LADY UTTERWORD
. Of course.
HECTOR
. It will not sound very civil. I was on the point of
saying, “I thought you were a plain woman.”
LADY UTTERWORD
. Oh, for shame, Hector! What right
had you to notice whether I am plain or not?
HECTOR
. Listen to me, Ariadne. Until today I have seen
only photographs of you; and no photograph can give the
strange fascination of the daughters of that supernatural old
man. There is some damnable quality in them that destroys
men’s moral sense, and carries them beyond honor and dis-
honor. You know that, don’t you?
LADY UTTERWORD
. Perhaps I do, Hector. But let me
warn you once for all that I am a rigidly conventional woman.
You may think because I’m a Shotover that I’m a Bohemian,
because we are all so horribly Bohemian. But I’m not. I hate
and loathe Bohemianism. No child brought up in a strict
Puritan household ever suffered from Puritanism as I suf-
fered from our Bohemianism.
HECTOR
. Our children are like that. They spend their holi-
days in the houses of their respectable schoolfellows.
LADY UTTERWORD
. I shall invite them for Christmas.
HECTOR
. Their absence leaves us both without our natu-
ral chaperones.
LADY UTTERWORD
. Children are certainly very incon-
venient sometimes. But intelligent people can always man-
age, unless they are Bohemians.
HECTOR
. You are no Bohemian; but you are no Puritan
either: your attraction is alive and powerful. What sort of
woman do you count yourself?
LADY UTTERWORD
. I am a woman of the world, Hec-
tor; and I can assure you that if you will only take the trouble
always to do the perfectly correct thing, and to say the per-
fectly correct thing, you can do just what you like. An ill-
conducted, careless woman gets simply no chance. An ill-
conducted, careless man is never allowed within arm’s length
of any woman worth knowing.
HECTOR
. I see. You are neither a Bohemian woman nor a
Puritan woman. You are a dangerous woman.
LADY UTTERWORD
. On the contrary, I am a safe woman.
HECTOR
. You are a most accursedly attractive woman.

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68
Heartbreak House
Mind, I am not making love to you. I do not like being
attracted. But you had better know how I feel if you are
going to stay here.
LADY UTTERWORD
. You are an exceedingly clever lady-
killer, Hector. And terribly handsome. I am quite a good
player, myself, at that game. Is it quite understood that we
are only playing?
HECTOR
. Quite. I am deliberately playing the fool, out of
sheer worthlessness.
LADY UTTERWORD 
[rising brightly]. Well, you are my
brother-in-law, Hesione asked you to kiss me. [He seizes her