352
Line 4.
Feels different / new
Line 5.
“More than anything I want to
Line 6.
stop punishing myself”.
Line 7.
Pain, deep, deep pain.
Line 8.
Why do I still feel the need to do it?
Line 9.
Why invest so much energy into it?
Line 10.
Assumptions over judgements
Line 11.
from others - always negative.
This next session feels different (line 4). It is as if the space has changed for the client it seems to
feel good and comfortable (line 1). This seems to enable her to do four things, to cry, to be, to
feel embarrassed and yet aware all at the same time (lines 2,3). The next two lines feel important
in that she puts them in speech marks as if she exhorting herself that this is her voice and what
she wants, which is to stop punishing herself (lines 5,6). She wants to do this more than anything
(line 5) as if part of her realises that there is no need to punish herself. But the pain around this is
deep (line 7) and the repetition of the words pain and deep feels powerful as if she wants to
emphasize to herself and the reader that there is almost a need to feel deep pain. It is as if this is
an action that she feels compelled to do but in reflecting on it she seems able to question herself
about why she does it. Perhaps she refers to the trauma (week 2; line 6) that keeps part of her
frozen. She questions why she still needs to punish herself, and why she invests so much energy
into doing so (lines 8,9). Perhaps the questions suggest that this is what she needs to look at next
as if she is preparing herself to do this. She appears to assume that others judgements of her are
always negative (lines 10,11) but perhaps this is how she has judged herself.
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