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Extract 40. From a journal to show fighting containment-freedom.
Line 1.
Felt free to reflect on last session
Line 2
.
Felt safe
Line 3.
Anger needs
to be expressed for it
Line 4.
to go away.
Line 5.
Helps others and me if I am
Line 6
.
assertive.
Line 7.
Visualising something can help
Line 8.
make it happen.
The entry stands out from all the others because it is in red. The passion of red (of the Beast who
can be angry) is seen in the colour of the words yet when read the words sound passive as if the
battle within her to own her anger is made visible on the page. The interpretation of the entry
looks at the use of colour:
Extract 41. From the analysis to show the use of colour.
Whereas the rest of the journal is written in blue,
black ink or pencil, this one entry is in red.
Perhaps there was a desire to express anger (line 3.) – to be the Beast - that was stronger than the
client realized. It also seems possible that the red colour helped her to visualise (line 7.) her
anger almost making it visible on the page. By writing in red she may also have a sense of
making something happen (line 8.) as if she is making the anger happen. It seems she has done
some processing during the break for she feels free enough to reflect on the last session (line 1.).
She also feels safe (line 2.) as if there has been a shift in her ability contain her own feelings. She
recognises that anger needs to be expressed (line 3.), but this does not feel the same as owning it,
letting it be hers. She feels that if it is expressed, anger goes away (line 4.) so perhaps this is just
another way of momentarily getting rid of it rather than owning it. It is as if she both wants
power, in the anger, but also wants rid of it. She seems to connect anger with being assertive as
she goes on to say that it helps her and others if she is assertive (lines 5 and 6.) which is a good
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illustration of the Beast. Perhaps she needs to visualize (line 7.) being assertive, or even angry in
order to make it happen. But it feels as if this takes away her spontaneity and enables her to keep
her sense of control. Using the red ink on the other hand may have been a spontaneous action,
even an unconscious action so perhaps a part of her was owning her anger.
The category fighting containment-freedom was chosen because she seems to want to have her
anger and not have it. She does not own it, yet she seems to unconsciously
express it in the
colour red. It is as if she lets a part of her Beast out by writing in red but then denies this self by
writing about it as opposed to owning it.
In week 19 of her journal Little Girl seems very angry as if she has found her Beast:
Extract 42. From a journal to show anger.
Line 1. I SEE ME
Line 2. AND I KNOW
Line 3. WHO I AM
Line 4. AND IF YOU
Line 5. ONLY SEE
Line 6. THE ME I WAS
Line 7.
HOW SAD
Line 8. I HAVE LEFT YOU
Line 9. BEHIND
The interpretation of the entry tries to uncover what the anger is about,
to discover whether she is
expressing her anger or using it as a defence against hidden feelings. To just presume what the
category is would mean that a great deal of understanding would be lost for although this appears
to be an angry entry it is also important to discover what that anger may be about and whether it
is owned or repressed:
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Extract 43. From the analysis to show what the anger is about.
The client appears to be reflecting on who she was and is. Although she appears to be writing to
another, it seems that she is also talking to different parts of herself using the first and second
person. She sees herself (line 1) and she knows who she is (lines 2,3). But she tells herself that if
this other part of her only sees her as who she used to be (lines 4,5,6) that it is sad (line 7),
because a part of her has been left behind (lines 8,9). It seems that the client wants to hold onto
all of herself and not leave any part behind. It feels as if she really wants to integrate all aspects
of herself, -like the marriage of Beauty and the Beast - while at the same time realizing that this
might not be possible. This also feels like an angry statement, as if
part of her really wants to
take charge, and be in control. It is possible that this entry is also addressed to the counsellor, and
perhaps this is the client‟s way of getting ready to end the counselling, and she wants to be seen
as changed and capable. It may also show distrust of the counsellor. Her anger perhaps defends
against being held by the counsellor or being dependant upon her.
Little girl does appear to be fighting containment-freedom whether she is speaking to herself
and/or the counsellor. It feels she fights against owning her own feelings and fights against being
dependant on the counsellor. Fighting containment-freedom appears to demonstrate the struggle
for a client to own their own affect and to own their dependence on the counselling. But it is this
tension between opposing feelings that seems to enable movement through opposition in that
once the choice becomes conscious there is a greater possibility of change.
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