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sexuality and rescuing (line 3), but these could have been other issues that she encountered. It
seems she spoke about a client (line 4) that she sees, but this client
could also represent the
participant‟s self who is the client in this session and who tells herself what to do. She wants to
contain her own energy (line 5 and 6), within herself and she exhorts herself not to let it drain
away (line 7), as she again tells herself what to do. Perhaps she is fearful of losing the self she
meets during her sessions, the self who feels and experiences. It seems she wants to stop
concentrating on blankness (week 10; line 1.) and keep hold of the self who has more awareness
and energy.
Even with the analysis there is still no clarity of a definite category
yet perhaps this lack of
clarity is part of the participant‟s hidden confusion and anguish. What helped define the category
of overcontained-overfree, with the interpretation was the rhythm created by the words:
Extract 37. From the analysis to show how rhythm defined overcontained-overfree.
There is almost a panic in the rhythm of the words, an invisible beat at the end of each line as if
she is overfree, or cannot quite hold onto herself, as if a part of her is slightly out of control,
skirting round the edge. Perhaps she needs to feel this panic before she can move forwards.
The way the participants wrote their journals again comes into focus. There is a sense of rushing
in the rhythm of the entry as if her unconscious confusion became explicit in the writing. This
helps define the category of overcontained-overfree and shows how the interplay between the
interpretation of the narrative, the rhythm in the words and the way the journals were written, all
need to be considered in the overall analysis. In week 21 of her journal Wriggling fish provides a
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clearer demonstration of overcontained-overfree:
Extract 38. From a journal to show over contained-overfree.
Line 1.
I apologised - felt rather stupid.
Line 2.
I had not expected her soft anger.
Line 3.
The reddened neck spoke it.
Line 4.
It
somehow lacked caring
Line 5.
I felt dishonest, it was the truth.
Line 6.
I shared subsequent reasoning.
Line 7.
It seemed accepted.
Line 8.
Mixed high emotions, anger!
Line 9.
Need to protect own space.
Line 10.
Bicycle, gutter, shudder, fall.
Line 11.
The need to „get on‟ again
Line 12.
Boundaries felt tight.
Extract 39. From the analysis to show the interpretation of the above entry:
After cancelling the previous session she apologises and feels rather stupid (line 1) but perhaps
she is really feeling guilty and angry. She seems to experience the counsellor as being softly
angry (line 2) with her, but it seems possible that this is
projected onto the counsellor, and that
she really feels angry with herself. She appears to see the counsellor as having a reddened neck
(line 3) and it is this that spoke the anger. It is interesting that she sees the counsellor as having a
red neck, for it is her own neck in previous entries that seems to hold the feelings that she cannot
connect with, in that she seems to feel pain in her neck rather than feeling emotional pain. She
feels that the counsellor lacked caring (line 4) but again it seems more likely that she is
projecting out the lack of care for herself (like Beauty) in that she chose not to go for a session
when she needed one, and in this way she denied herself experiencing the feelings aroused by the
funeral. It feels as if she acted out her anger at the death by not attending the previous session.
She then seems to recognize her dishonesty (line 5) presumably by using the snow as a reason to
not attend (week 20). She also sees this as the truth (line 5) and goes on to share her reasoning
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(line 6) from the previous week which she experiences as accepted (line7) by the counsellor.
Having
been honest, perhaps more importantly with herself than with the counsellor, she
experiences what she calls „mixed high emotions, anger!‟ (line 8). She feels a need to protect her
own space (line 9) as if something feels intrusive. She then presents an image „Bicycle, gutter,
shudder fall‟(line10). It seems she is feeling as if she had just fallen off the „bicycle‟ of
counselling so perhaps this is what the missed session now feels like. She recognizes her need to
„get on‟ (line 11) again as if she is aware of losing something if she does not. And she ends by
saying that the boundaries feel tight (line 12) as if she has returned to the feelings noted in earlier
weeks (week 2, 3).
The interpretation of the entry links it to the whole context of the journal as it notes links to a
missed a session, a death, funeral and earlier entries. It is the metaphor of falling off a bicycle
that helps confirm the construct of overcontained-overfree for she uses the word „shudder‟ which
feels like an internal agitated movement. She also refers to the „tightness‟ of the counselling
boundaries as if she feels hemmed in by them rather than freed or held safely. This is perhaps a
reflection of the overcontained-overfree state of her internal world
that holds the feelings and
opinions of others rather than her own voice.
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