Clients‟ experience of counselling within a narrative framework
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6.3.5. Adjectives
Adjectives appear to describe the participants‟ present condition that is how they are feeling or experiencing themselves as they write. This is similar to imaging their present condition, and perhaps now I would put them both into one set to avoid repetition. However it is interesting to see how adjectives were used. When first reading Turned On, the journal feels simply written and not particularly descriptive yet it is full of feeling. It almost feels as if the adjectives are hidden in a kind of internal commentary. In the following extract from week two she writes: Extract 27. From a journal to show the use of adjectives Line 1. My week has been low and Line 2. seemed dark, couldn‟t lift out Line 3. of it. Day of counselling come Line 4. didn‟t want to go felt it would Line 5. be better to stay home. But went Line 6. anyway and glad I did my Line 7. emotions are so raw I couldn‟t Line 8. have survived another week Line 9. on my own I felt comfort 161 Line 10. just from the room and went Line 11. deep into the hurts that I Line 12. have been holding onto for Line 13. some time The only adjectives used are: low, dark, raw, and deep yet with the other words they seem to describe what may be a depressed state and appear to show her felt condition at the time clearly. The journal Little Girl feels sparse in the way it is written yet when adjectives are used they create powerful images. In the following entry, week nine, she uses four adjectives: Extract 28. From a journal to show the use of adjectives. Line 1. JUST A FRIGHTENED Line 2. LITTLE GIRL Line 3. TALKING ABOUT Line 4. A NOTHING Line 5. THAT CAME SO CLOSE Line 6. TO BEING Line 7. A SOMETHING Line 8. AND SHOCKED BY Line 9. HOW MUCH Line 10. IT HURTS. „Frightened‟ and „little‟ image how the client is in the moment and create the impression of a small cowering child. „Close‟ appears to suggest that she came near to accomplishing something; while „shocked‟ seems to say that her internal child is surprised by pain. On their own the adjectives may suggest the present feeling condition but it is difficult without looking at the other words to understand what is happening. There is also the fact that the entry needs to be looked at within the context of the whole journal. The interpretation of the entry puts the adjectives 162 together with these other aspects of the entry: Extract 29. From the analysis to show how adjectives affect the analysis. In this entry the client seems to tell us the reality of her present condition with the image of a frightened little girl (lines 1,2). While talking about a nothing (lines 3, 4) that came very close to turning into something (lines 5,6,7) she was shocked by how much it hurts (lines 8,9,10). She moves between the present and past tense and there is more sense of the session having happened rather than her still being in it as in other entries. But the hurts remain and still exist in the moment of writing as she seems to reflexively allow herself to re-experience the feelings. Perhaps she was shocked to realize that the anguish of the loss of her mother is still with her so strongly, still hidden in the words that she has previously hidden that reality in. The nothing seems to hide something very powerful. It seems that she is writing out the process of her counselling as it is affecting her. Perhaps she came closer to the hurts than she has ever done before. The adjectives are only part of the image that is created. The other words move the whole entry through the tenses, perhaps through the past and present of the participant‟s life. There is so much of „something‟ created by the image of a „nothing‟ for the „nothing‟ seems to have an enormous presence. In this way the whole of the journal context affects the analysis of each individual entry. For example in the above week of „Little Girl‟ the loss of the client‟s mother in childhood seems present even though it is not actually written about in this entry. It seems no one entry can be interpreted without some reference to the whole. 6.4 From sets of expression to categories The sets of expression enabled entry into the narratives at a time when I was unable to think 163 about the categories. However, as the process of analysing progressed it seemed to reawaken my enthusiasm for the work. It was as if I had been going through a period of gestation of which I was unaware at the time. There was also a realization that although one category might be seen as most evident in an entry that others may be implicitly present. This allowed the process of using the categories to feel more manageable and also enabled a growing clarity to develop. The more in depth interpretation of the narratives, separate from the construct categories, seems to have enabled a greater understanding of the construct to emerge. 6.5 The categories The categories were confirmed in the main study analysis as they were defined and became clearer. Realizing that the polarity may be understood as a continuum (p.122) helped me to make sense of the categories being implicit in that one is within or alongside others. It seems impossible to view the categories without the interplay between them and the interpretation of the narrative being discussed alongside, for one, impacts upon the other. The form of the journal writing, condensing thoughts and feelings into short phrases also impacts on the categories for the way the participants write also creates rhythm and feelings within those rhythms. This weaving of all the elements makes for a complex analysis which adds to the richness of the work. All the participants are placed in each of the categories (appendix 12) several times in their journals. There does not appear to be any pattern between moving from one category to another. Some participants are in one category more than others but this seems to relate to the individual process of each participant rather than showing anything about order of movement which was not found. |