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Extract 24b. From the analysis to show internal movement.
She is jealous of another‟s energy (line 4.) and wants it for herself (line 5) as if she can see in
others the potential she has in herself. It is as if she is telling herself to have this energy.
Extract 24c. From the analysis to show internal movement.
She exhorts herself to tell him how she feels (line 9.) as if she needs to demonstrate that she is
different. She perhaps wants to give him back his projections.
Extract 24d. From the analysis to show internal movement.
She exhorts herself to „Be it‟ (line10), as if she is telling herself that she needs to be her feelings.
But it also seems possible that a part of her still does not want to share her internal world, her
burdens, with the counsellor, and is perhaps angry with her. If this story about „T‟ symbolizes
something of the client‟s relationship with the counsellor perhaps she is also wanting to „be it‟,
that is be her feelings in this setting. And perhaps part of that being
is the anger she may feel
with the counsellor for enabling her to be more aware of her feelings, and more aware of her way
of looking at the external world from her defended spy hole.
Such exhortations to the self also help to demonstrate how the journals became part of the
participant‟s journey through counselling, for they are writing to and for themselves as opposed
to only writing to comply with my requests as the researcher. The length of the journals and the
personal way they are written seems to confirm
that they wrote as much, if not more for
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themselves, than they did for me. This is confirmed by one of the participants. In a letter written
to me by Wriggling Fish before she had the opportunity to
feedback on the analysis, she wrote:
“I was reminded as I listened, of my participation in your research and I remembered
how very helpful and insightful that was for me as a client - to write a few lines of
lasting impressions of the session and of how helpful it was to read back through all
the sessions to see the movement and to remember the
moments of excitement and
enlightenment and also the deep darkness at times” (WF).
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