Guide to Informed Choices
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violence better step toward healing would be to stop the cycle of violence. The difference between abortion and pregnancy is that with abortion you are making the child a victim of circumstances, but with pregnancy you are breaking the cycle of abuse. Being raped made you a victim. You didn‘t do anything wrong. You didn‘t deserve this but neither did this child. Neither of you are evil or dirty by association. You are just two human beings caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time.
In fact, both you and your child deserve full support as victims because first, you went through something terrible and now she will have to grow up and not know her father. Will the child suffer from being born out of such circumstances? Julie Makimaa has firsthand experience. Her mother was raped and chose to put her up for adoption. Now reunited years later, Julie is happily married with two children of her own, and she has this to say about her life: ―My mother was a victim of an assault, but she did not choose to victimize me. I was not given the death penalty for the crime of my father. I was given the greatest gift that any of us could give — life.‖ 1085
Let‘s put a stop to the cycle of violence!
To find out more about adoption, go to Reason #82: There are so many couples who would love to parent if you don‘t .
For abuse hotlines go to the resources section at the end of this book.
Abortion protects the perpetrator of rape or incest ome people automatically assume that because someone is the victim of rape or incest that they wish to abort the pregnancy. This may not actually be the victim‘s wish. Remember Hope‘s story? She didn‘t want the abortion and it didn‘t remove her from the abuse — instead it kept her in it. In fact, abortion is often forced upon the victim who has already suffered incest or rape. Why? Because it covers up the crime. Instead of seeking to send the rapist to jail and end his abuse, the justice is misdirected on the unborn child. In the case of incest, the victim is returned to the same vulnerable position and nothing has changed. One woman, writing in Victims and Victors , tells her sad story. To her, the only one that benefited from the abortion was the perpetrator: As you can see, the abortion which was to be ―in my best interest‖ just has not been. A S
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As far as I can tell, it only ―saved their reputations,‖ ―solved their problems,‖ and allowed their lives to go merrily on. My daughter, how I miss her so. I miss her, regardless of the reason for her conception. You see, she was a part of me. 1086
Abortion not the choice of this incest victim ―I was a victim of incest, one of the ―hard cases‖ for abortion. I was raped by my father when I was fifteen years old… I refused to have an abortion…. My father demanded that an abortionist be found — regardless of the cost. Within one hour, this man arrived at the hospital, talked with my parents and decided to do the abortion, without speaking to me. I refused and tried to get off the examining table. He then asked three nurses to hold me while he strapped me to the bed and injected me with a muscle relaxant to keep me from struggling while he prepared to kill my baby. I continued to scream that I didn‘t want an abortion. He told me, ―Shut up and quit that yelling!‖ Eventually, I was placed under general anesthesia and my child was brutally killed…I grieve every day for my daughter.‖ 1087
Victims and Victors
Planned Parenthood turning a blind eye to rape? Turn to Reason #68: Planned Parenthood clinics are not neutral . Raped by the abortionist? Yes, it‘s true! A few women have actually been assaulted by their doctor. Turn to Reason #62: Abortionists are known to have bad records .
The answer to rape is not abortion, it is stopping rape. 1088
—Anonymous pro-lifer
e would all like to think that some magical potion that could relieve a woman of the experience of rape. It‘s normal to want to remove such memories. Unfortunately, it‘s not that simple. Abortion may remove the physical evidence, but it can‘t take away the mental and emotional scars of rape. Only God can do that. The problem is, abortion does not purge your memory. Far from it. Some people say that they think of it every day of their life. In fact, for some women, the memory of the abortion is actually worse than the rape, because instead of being the victim of violence, they are the perpetrator. Those feelings are echoed in these comments by women who chose abortion after being raped:
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The negative feelings resulting from the rape were not eliminated by the abortion. Nothing was solved; instead, the grief was now doubled. 1089
—Helene Evans
My pain was not because of the rape, or the shooting, but because of the abortion. I couldn‘t live with what I had done. 1090
It‘s likely that neither the rape nor the abortion will be easily forgotten, so why do something that‘s just going to add fuel to the fire?
Abortion Alternatives I, having lived through a rape, and also having raised a child ―conceived in rape,‖ feel personally assaulted and insulted every time I hear that abortion should be legal because of rape and incest. I feel that we‘re being used to further the abortion issue, even though we‘ve not been asked to tell our side of the story. 1091
n abortion after rape can be worse precisely because rape IS one of those ―hard cases.‖ Women often feel like they have no choice in the matter, so on top of the psychological trauma of rape, they have to face the psychological trauma of a pressured abortion. Despite what you would think, it is in these hard cases, specifically, that some recommend against abortion. ―Indeed, in what are
generally very
difficult psychological circumstances, abortion almost invariably tends to aggravate and complicate the woman‘s problems.‖ 1092
and that there are no simple solutions. However, there are alternatives to abortion. The most obvious — to raise your child yourself — may not be right for everyone. The second alternative is to place your child in the hands of a family of your choice.
Quotable Quote ―Women who become pregnant as a result of incest are frequently told that their baby will be a monster or that their child will be stigmatized and never have a normal life or be happy. They are often manipulated into having abortions by this fear. But my daughter is now 18, loves the Lord and is happy and well adjusted.‖ 1093
—Nancy ―Cole,‖ rape survivor
There is no doubt that each person deals with stresses differently. Some women will be able to see that it wasn‘t the child‘s fault and, while an appalling deed, it could still result in something pure — a child. While A
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others may be focusing on the child‘s evil father, she may be focusing on herself as a good mother. Other women may not have the emotional strength to bring up a child conceived in rape. A totally different spin on this is that a woman might choose to see the child as something good coming out of the pain. Rape survivor and president of Life After Assault League, Kay Zibolsky says, ―a baby is the only good thing that comes out of rape.‖ 1094
This is also how Elizabeth chose to see her pregnancy after she was raped while waiting for her mother in a parking lot. The 16-year-old faced opposition from virtually everyone — who all thought that she should have an abortion. But it was while looking at the ultrasound (in an abortion clinic no less) that she decided she could not take this life. As the Daily Mail
reported, ―To her amazement, though, the first sight of that 'mass of cells' on the screen triggered waves of tenderness rather than revulsion.‖ Still, it wasn‘t all easy. While it was ―surprisingly easy‖ beginning to love this new life she also says, ―I have to admit I was scared my feelings would change when I saw her.‖ Thankfully, those feelings did not change and ―she did not remind me of that night, and I knew, then, that having her was more important than what had happened.‖ The pregnancy was certainly nothing anyone would plan. However, it has all worked out good in the end. Her family loves the little girl and Elizabeth is just beginning her college studies. Her future is just starting. 1095
Another rape victim who became pregnant looked at it as though both she and her child were victims: This was another difficult thing to deal with. I‘d grown to love this child and even though I‘d tried to abort him, now he was a part of me and I didn‘t want him to die… We‘d been though a lot together. We were both victims of this assault. 1096
We‘ve got to remember here, that the unborn child is innocent. She hasn‘t committed any crimes. Says Julie Makimaa, herself conceived by rape: Women who become pregnant through assault need to know that it was not their fault, and that they are not dirty because of it. They are innocent, just like their children who are conceived in rape. 1097
Perhaps a woman‘s feelings may change if she knew this was the only child she would ever have. One rape victim said, ―At that time, how could I have known she‘d be the only child I would ever give birth to?‖
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Reason #81 ―Rape and abortion are both violent acts‖
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Reason #82 There are so many couples who would love to parent if you don‘t
First thoughts on adoption ep, this is the reason you expected to find in this book. Adoption. What a scary word. For many people, their first reaction is ―I could never do that to my child!‖ The irony is they believe that killing the him before birth is somehow a kinder option than allowing that child to continue her life with another family who does want a child. The number of American babies adopted in the United States annually exceeds 30,000.
1099 Yet the number of couples waiting to adopt is around 1,300,000. 1100
There are simply not enough babies to go around. Indeed, some U.S. couples are so desperate for a family of their own that they are paying as much as $50,000 for a child of their own. 1101
from years ago, when it was impossible to choose the parents, receive updates on your child‘s progress or perhaps even keep in contact with the family.
Why do people choose adoption?
not wanting to raise a child at such a young age or as a single mom
difficult circumstances like drug
addiction, being homeless or becoming pregnant after an affair
being unwilling to raise a child with disabilities
Why might people want to adopt?
not able to have their own children
want to have another child but not able to
carrying a genetic problem and don‘t want to pass it on
Famous adoptees Halle Berry, Marilyn Monroe, Priscilla Presley, Charles Dickens, Leo Tolstoy, Alexander the Great, Aristotle, Jean Jacques Rousseau, Bill Clinton, Eleanor Roosevelt, Nancy Reagan, Jesse Jackson, Malcolm X, Nelson Mandela, and of course, baby Moses. 1102
Tip: You can also choose adoption later if single parenting doesn‘t work out for you. Y
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Unwanted vs. Wanted hen faced with an unwanted pregnancy, the question is, should we eliminate unwanted children by eliminating the actual
unwanted children or by eliminating the unwanted aspect and
giving them
families? 1103
There are no unwanted children, only unwanted pregnancies. 1104
—Dave Hepburn.
While there are unwanted pregnancies, there are no unwanted children. 1105
—Virtue Media TV ads
There are no unwanted children, just unfound families. —Slogan on an agency‘s website 1106
If women are forced to carry unwanted pregnancies to term, the result is unwanted children.… This is not good for children, for families, or for the country. Children need love and families who want and will care for them. 1107
abortion
Perhaps adoption is an answer to ‗Every child a wanted child‘?
A soul searching decision eedless to say, the decision requires intense soul searching and prayer. Think through your thoughts, feelings and motives. Will you be happy 40 years down the track? No one can know for sure, but do think seriously about it. Of course, you can still change your mind at the last minute after seeing your child. There is no requirement to sign the adoption papers straight after birth. If you find yourself in that position, you might request that your child be cared for temporarily in a foster home while you reconsider… Or perhaps even better try it out yourself for a week or two and see how you like having a baby. Of course, if you are thinking this way to begin with, then maybe you shouldn‘t be adopting in the first place. If and when you sign the adoption papers the decision becomes final at that point. 1108
Some differences between abortion and adoption I still think about my baby girl every day, but those thoughts don't consume me the way the abortion did. 1109
—From Ashley‘s Story, a testimonial on Bethany Christian Services website
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ith abortion you quickly solve ―the problem.‖ You also don‘t have to worry about how your child is being raised or if you‘re missing them, as you probably haven‘t bonded with them yet. With adoption you don‘t have to feel bad about taking your child‘s life, especially as the years go by and you start to think about meeting your Maker or if abortion really kills a baby. You did the most selfless thing and allowed her to stay living, even though you wouldn‘t have the joy of caring for her.
What agency is best? oth not-for-profit and private
organizations handle
adoptions. Non-profit agencies are preferable for obvious reasons (they are more likely to have your interests at heart). Adoption procedures are free to the birth mother. They are also a legal responsibility. When you sign the papers before a judge you are transferring your rights and responsibilities to the adoptive parents. There may be agreements involved, such as a contract designating what kind of contact you want to keep with your child. These, however, are not legal documents in most states.
Open or Closed? he type of contact you have with your child will depend on whether or not your adoption is open or closed. Closed adoption is just that, closed. There is no contact between you and your identity is kept secret. In contrast, open adoptions have
varying degrees
of openness, depending on the agencies you go with. Some will let you maintain contact with your child and the adoptive parents, by phone, with photos and letters and/or with visits. This degree of contact can and must be agreed upon before
any kind of contract is signed . This most open type of adoption is called cooperative adoption and is currently used in only 10% of adoptions. 1110
Usually, the more open it is, the more satisfying the experience is for both of you.
Can you pick the parents? bsolutely! Just take a look at the parent profiles of hopeful couples on any adoption agency‘s website and see how many different types of couples are eager to have your child join their family. You can decide whether you want the young sporty couple who likes visiting the beach with their pet dog, the professional couple who live in a nice neighborhood and have all the goods, or the church-going Christian couple who share a big happy family. You can spend many hours going over the profiles; and once you‘ve narrowed it down you should be able to interview the couples and meet W B T A
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them in person, so that you can find someone that you feel very comfortable with.
Family Adoption nother fairly common occurrence in the adoption world is to have a parent, grandparent or aunt adopt your child to keep the child in the family. This may have benefits but should be handled legally, so there is no confusion in the future if ever you two stop speaking to each other (has happened). Are your parents helping you raise your child or are Yüklə 4,63 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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