73 The Skills of Enquiry makes us vulnerable. To be negative is to be well informed and
protected from the ‘slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’.
Whenever we say ‘we must be realistic’, we usually mean that we
should emphasise the negative aspects of the situation.
Given this social norm, to be positive can seem like
challenging reality, or importing some new and alien idea into
our picture of it. Actually, of course, the positive is merely
another part of our picture of reality. In adding it to the negative,
we are completing the picture, not distorting it.
The best kind of feedback is
genuine
,
succinct
and
specific
. If
you fake it, they will rumble you. If you go on, they will suspect
your honesty. If you are too general, they will find it hard to make
use of the feedback.
Balancing appreciation and criticism We tend to think of feedback as a one-off activity. Actually, we are
feeding back to the speaker all the time we are listening to them.
Be sure that the continuous feedback you give indicates your
respect for them, as people and as thinkers, even if you disagree
with their ideas.
Make sure that your positive feedback outweighs the
negative. A good working ratio might be five-to-one: five positive
remarks for every negative one. This can sometimes be difficult
to achieve! The speaker may not have delivered any very good
ideas. It’s more likely that you can only see what’s bad, or wrong,
or incomplete, or inaccurate, about their ideas. Years of training
and experience in critical thinking may have taught you not to
comment on what you approve or like.
Look for things to be positive about. I think that this is a basic
managerial skill, as well as a conversational one. Praise –
genuine, succinct and specific – does more to help you manage
than any other activity, because it helps people to think and work
better than any other motivator.
Get into the habit of asking: ‘What’s good about what this
person is saying?’ Force yourself, if necessary, to find some
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