"The Unbearable Lightness Of Being"
By Milan Kundera
103
housewives, and female functionaries, each of whom represented a potential erotic
engagement.)
What did he look for in them? What attracted him to them? Isn't making love merely an
eternal repetition of the same?
Not at all. There is always the small part that is unimaginable. When he saw a woman
in her clothes, he could naturally imagine more or less what she would look like naked
(his experience as a doctor supplementing his experience as a lover), but between the
approximation of the idea and the precision of reality there was a small gap of the
unimaginable, and it was this hiatus that gave him no rest. And then, the pursuit of the
unimaginable does not stop with the revelations of nudity; it goes much further: How
would she behave while undressing? What would she say when he made love to her?
How would her sighs sound? How would her face distort at the moment of orgasm?
What is unique about the I hides itself exactly in what is unimaginable about a person.
All we are able to imagine is what makes everyone like everyone else,
what people
have in common. The individual I is what differs from the common stock, that is, what
cannot be guessed at or calculated, what must be unveiled, uncovered, conquered.
Tomas, who had spent the last ten years of his medical practice working exclusively
with the human brain, knew that there was nothing more difficult to capture than the
human I. There are many more resemblances between Hitler and Einstein or Brezhnev
and Solzhenitsyn than there are differences. Using numbers, we might say that there is
one-millionth part dissimilarity to nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred
ninety-nine millionths parts similarity.
Tomas was obsessed by the desire to discover and appropriate
that one-millionth part;
he saw it as the core of his obsession. He was not obsessed with women; he was
obsessed with what in each of them is unimaginable, obsessed, in other words, with the
one-millionth part that makes a woman dissimilar to others of her sex.
(Here too, perhaps, his passion for surgery and his passion for women came together.
Even with his mistresses, he could never quite put down the imaginary scalpel. Since
he longed to take possession of something deep inside them, he needed to slit them
open.)
We may ask, of course, why he sought that millionth part
dissimilarity in sex and
nowhere else. Why couldn't he find it, say, in a woman's gait or culinary caprices or
artistic taste?
To be sure, the millionth part dissimilarity is present in all areas of human existence, but
in all areas other than sex it is exposed and needs no one to discover it, needs no
scalpel. One woman prefers cheese at the end of the meal, another loathes cauliflower,
and although each may demonstrate her originality thereby, it is an originality that
demonstrates its own irrelevance and warns us to pay it no heed, to expect nothing of
value to come of it.
"The Unbearable Lightness Of Being" By Milan Kundera
104
Only in sexuality does the millionth part dissimilarity become precious, because, not
accessible in public, it must be conquered. As recently as fifty years ago, this form of
conquest took considerable time (weeks, even months!), and the worth of the
conquered object was proportional to the time the conquest took. Even today, when
conquest time has been drastically cut, sexuality seems still to be a strongbox hiding
the mystery of a woman's I.
So it was a desire not for pleasure (the pleasure came as an extra, a bonus) but for
possession of the world (slitting open the outstretched body of the world with his
scalpel) that sent him in pursuit of women.
Men who pursue a multitude of women fit neatly into two categories.
Some seek their
own subjective and unchanging dream of a woman in all women. Others are prompted
by a desire to possess the endless variety of the objective female world.
The obsession of the former is
Dostları ilə paylaş: