Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

Fooled by Randomness (Taleb), 215
framing effect, 12, 20
Freeh, Louis, 14
fundraising, 89–91
Gaddafi, Muammar, 99–100
Getting to Yes (Fisher and Ury), 11, 13, 14, 16, 20, 80, 98,
252
Giffe, George, Jr., 9–10
goals/outcome goals, 12, 52, 81, 95, 112, 160, 170, 174,
201, 211, 240, 242, 243
Ackerman model and, 206, 208
agreement or “yes” as, 94
ascertaining counterpart’s, 28, 231
bargaining styles and, 193, 195, 196
BATNA and, 252
best/worst range, 69, 253
extracting information as, 25, 47, 110, 147
four steps for setting, 253–54
human connection as, 72
Negotiation One Sheet, 252–54

---

win-win or compromise, 115, 116, 253
Griffin, William, 213–14, 216–17, 235, 244
Haiti
as kidnap capital, 113–14
kidnapping case, 113–15, 133–35, 207–8
Harvard Negotiation Research Project, 2, 10–11
Harvard University, 4
executive negotiating course, 1, 5–8
Heen, Sheila, 5–6, 7
HelpLine, 81
“CareFronting,” 82, 84
Voss answering phones for, 81–84, 85
Heymann, Philip B., 14
hostage mentality, 159
hostage negotiation. See kidnapping or hostage negotiations
How to Become a Rainmaker, 126
humor, 187
“I” messages, 203–4
influence, 16, 20
BCSM and, 97, 98
demeanor, delivery, and, 32
FBI’s psychological tactics and, 43
identifying and influencing emotions, 50
negative, clearing out, 72
negotiation and, 18
persuading from other’s perspective and, 84, 225, 227–29
Iran, 123–24

---

ISIS, 232
Israel Defense Forces (IDF), 2
Israeli National Security Council, 2
Jobs, Steve, 219
Kahneman, Daniel, 11, 12, 13, 127
kidnapping or hostage negotiations, 9–10, 21, 78
airplane hijacking, 9–10
America’s hostage negotiation policy, 232
Attica prison riots, 9
bank robbery, Brooklyn, 23–43, 179
Burnham-Sobero case, 140–48
calibrated, or open-ended, questions, use of, 141, 149,
165, 166, 167, 170
compromise as a bad deal, 115, 133
Ecuador kidnapping, 164–67, 169–70
exercise called “sixty seconds or she dies,” 64
FBI and, 1, 141, 147, 170
FBI Pittsburgh case, 148–49
gauging the level of a threat in, 118
Griffin case, 213–14, 216–17, 235, 244
Haitian kidnapping 113–15, 133–35
hostage survival debriefing, 170
late-night FM DJ voice and, 33–34, 38
leverage in, 114, 118
Munich Olympics, 9
Negotiation Operation Center (NOC), 27
negotiator teams, 27
never split the difference in, 18–19

---

Onglingswan kidnapping, 173–75, 179
prison siege, St. Martin Parish, Louisiana, 162–63, 171
“proof of life” and, 34, 147, 148–49, 165, 170
Schilling case, 96, 98–105
terrorists and, 232
“that’s right” and, 101–5
“knowing their religion,” 225, 228–29, 244
offering reasons that reference counterpart’s religion, 231
power of hopes and dreams and, 230–31
similarity principle and, 229–30
Koresh, David, 13
labeling, 19, 50, 54–73, 112
accusation audit, 64–68, 73, 254–55
Assertive (bargaining style) and, 196
avoiding “I,” 56
cranky grandfather example, 59
deescalating angry confrontations with, 58–59
to discover source of incongruence, 176
empathy as a mood enhancer, 62
empathy building and, 239
to extract information, 239, 257–58
of fears, 61–62
fill-in-the-blank examples, 255, 258
Girl Scout fundraiser and, 62–63
intentionally mislabeling an emotion, 91, 94
key lessons of, 71–73
labeling and calming fear, 61, 63, 64, 67, 73
lawyers and “taking the sting out” technique, 65

---

Lieberman brain imaging study, 55
negativity and, 57–61, 64–68, 70
phrasing the label, 56
Rule of Three and, 177
rules about form and delivery, 55
Schilling kidnapping case and, 103
silences and, 56–57, 71, 72
step one: detecting the other person’s emotional state, 55–
56
step two: labeling it aloud, 56
as transformative, 63
Washington Redskins ticket holder script, 60–61
“words, music, and dance” and, 55
Lanceley, Fred, 14–15
Langer, Ellen, 231
late-night FM DJ voice, 19, 31–33, 47
contract discussion and, 34
downward-inflecting statement, 32, 33
general demeanor and delivery, 32
Harlem fugitive stand-off negotiation and, 51
hostage negotiation and, 33–34, 38
lawyer-negotiators, 192–93
Leonsis, Ted, 231
“Lessons of Waco: Proposed Changes in Federal Law
Enforcement” (Heymann), 14
leverage, 220–24
Black Swans as leverage multipliers, 220–21, 224, 244
in a kidnapping, 221

---

loss aversion and, 128
negative, 222–23, 226, 227, 244
normative, 224, 226, 244
personal negotiation styles and, 192
positive, 221–22, 226, 244
what it is, 220
liars. See falsehoods and liars
Lieberman, Matthew, 55
listening. See active listening
loss aversion, 12, 127–28, 139, 223, 257
Macapagal-Arroyo, Gloria, 140
Malhotra, Deepak, 178, 179, 233
Mehrabian, Albert, 176
Memphis Bar Association, 132
Middle Eastern merchants, 33
Miller, George A., 28
Miller, Winnie, 227
mindset
finding and acting on Black Swans and, 218, 219
as key to successful negotiation, 43
multiple hypotheses approach, 25
positive, 33, 47
ready-to-walk, 204–5
win-win, 115
mirroring (isopraxism), 19, 35–36, 44, 48, 70, 71, 183
active listening and, 103
body language and, 36
to elicit information, 185

---

four step process for workplace negotiation, 44–46
reaction to use of “fair” in negotiations, 125
silences and, 37, 44, 72
use with Assertive bargainers, 196
use with assertive people, 191–92
verbal, 36
Wiseman waiter study, 36
Misino, Dominick, 41–42
Mnookin, Robert, 2–4, 5
Moore, Don A., 120
Moore, Margaret, 214–15, 217
Mousavian, Seyed Hossein, 124
MSU (making shit up) approach, 30
Mueller, Robert, 143
negotiation. See also bargaining hard; specific situations;