No Longer Human Osamu Dazai


THE THIRD NOTEBOOK: PART TWO



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THE THIRD NOTEBOOK: PART TWO


Horiki and myself.
Despising each other as we did, we were constantly together, thereby
degrading ourselves. If that is what the world calls friendship, the
relations between Horiki and myself were undoubtedly those of
friendship.
I threw myself on the chivalry of the madam of the bar in Kyobashi.
(It is a strange use of the word
to speak of a woman's chivalry, but in
my experience, at least in the cities, the women possessed a greater
abundance of what might be termed chivalry than the men. Most men
concerned themselves, all fear and trembling, only with appearances,
and were stingy to boot.) She enabled me to marry Yoshiko and to rent
a room on the ground floor of an apartment building near the Sumida
River which we made our home. I gave up drink and devoted my
energies to drawing cartoons. After dinner we would go out together to
see a movie, and on the way back we would stop at a milk bar or buy
pots of flowers. Rut more than any of these things it gave me pleasure
just to listen to the words or watch the movements of my little bride,
who trusted in me with all her heart. Then, just when I had begun to
entertain faintly in my breast the sweet notion that perhaps there was a
chance I might turn one of these days into a human being and be
spared the necessity of a horrible death, Horiki showed up again.


He hailed me, "How's the great lover? Why, what's this? Do I detect
a note of caution in your face—you, of all people? I've come today as a
messenger from the Lady of Koenji." He lowered his voice and thrust

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