blasphemy to ordinary ears, shocking and provoking people, even those who loved him. He threw my
books into water, forcing me to unlearn all that I knew. Though everyone had heard that he was critical of
sheikhs and scholars, very few people knew how capable of
tafsir he was. Shams had deep knowledge in
alchemy, astrology, astronomy, theology, philosophy, and logic, but he kept his knowledge hidden from
ignorant eyes. Though he was a
faqih
, he acted as if he were a
faqir
.
He opened our doors to a prostitute and made us share our food with her. He sent me to the tavern and
encouraged me to talk to drunks. Once he made me beg across from the mosque where I used to preach,
forcing me to put myself in the shoes of a leper beggar. He cut me off first from my admirers, then from the
ruling elite, bringing me in touch with the common people. Thanks to him I came to know persons I would
have otherwise never met. In his belief that all idols that stood between the individual and God had to be
demolished, including fame, wealth, rank, and even religion, Shams cut loose all the moorings that tied me
to life as I knew it. Wherever he saw any kind of mental boundary, a prejudice or a taboo, he took the bull
by the horns and confronted it.
For him I went through trial and tests, states and stages, each of which made me look more deranged in
the eyes of even my most loyal followers. Before, I had plenty of admirers; now I have gotten rid of the
need for an audience. Blow after blow, Shams managed to ruin my reputation. Because of him I learned
the value of madness and have come to know the taste of loneliness, helplessness, slander, seclusion, and,
finally, heartbreak.
Whatever you see as profitable, flee from it!
Drink poison and pour away the water of life!
Abandon security and stay in frightful places!
Throw away reputation, become disgraced and shameless!
At the end of the day, aren’t we are all put on trial? Every day, every passing minute, God asks us,
Do
you remember the covenant we made before you were sent to this world? Do you understand your role
in revealing My treasure?
Most
of the time, we are not ready to answer these questions. They are too frightening. But God is
patient. He asks again and again.
And if this heartache, too, is part of a trial, my only wish is to find Shams at the end of it. My books,
sermons, family, wealth, or name—I am ready to give up anything and everything, just to see his face one
more time.
The other day Kerra said I was turning into a poet, almost despite myself. Though I have never thought
highly of poets, I wasn’t surprised to hear that. At any other time, I might have objected to what she said,
but not anymore.
My mouth is spewing out lines of poetry, constantly and involuntarily, and, listening to them, one might
conclude that I am becoming a poet indeed. The Sultan of Language! But the truth, insofar as I am able to
tell, is that the poems do not belong to me. I am only a vehicle for letters that are placed in my mouth. Like
a pen that writes down the words it is ordered to inscribe or a flute that plays the notes blown into it, I,
too, am simply doing my part.
Marvelous sun of Tabriz! Where are you?