Power Questions: Build Relationships, Win New Business, and Influence Others

happiest day of your life?”
Suggestions for How to Use This Question
“What has been the happiest day of your
life?”
This question can illuminate a darkened room and brighten someone's black mood. The
other person may not even be able to answer it—or provide a single answer. That's
okay! You will set their mind in motion, flipping through the most pungent memories in
their life.
Whether the answer is a revelation or just thoughtful silence, this question always has
a positive if not thrilling impact.
When to use the question

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Any time you want to deepen your understanding of the other person and build a
stronger relationship with them.
To understand the important events that have shaped someone's character.
Alternative versions of the question
“What was the greatest day of your life?”
“What event in your life has brought you the greatest joy?”
Follow-up questions
“Why was that so special for you?”
“Are there any other days or events that stand out for you?”

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23
Your Plans or Their Plans?
Gathered in the boardroom are the eight most senior executives of one of
the largest financial institutions in the world. Individual bottles of both
sparkling and flat mineral water are carefully arranged around the
zebrawood conference table. The only sound is a slight whirr as a discrete
white projection screen slides down from a hidden recess in the ceiling.
“You can tell them to come in now,” one of the eight tells an attendant.
The management consultants enter and shake hands all around. These
consultants represent one of the most prestigious, blue-chip management
consulting firms in the world. It is an organization that wields such behind-
the-scenes influence that a leading business publication dubbed its partners
the “Jesuits of the modern business world.” A book on the consulting
industry calls them the “lords of strategy.”
Today, they are one of three finalists competing to win a major project for
the bank's CEO and his team. It's a very large contract. This is one of the
most coveted assignments in the entire management consulting industry.
The stakes could not be higher.
The presentation lasts an hour. An occasional polite question is thrown
across the burnished table. The lead partner of the consulting firm,
Westervelt, goes in depth into corporate banking, one of the bank's main
business lines. He chooses the subject to demonstrate how the firm would
think about developing a new strategy for the bank. He is brilliant.
(He must have been familiar with my father's maxim, “There is no
substitute for genuine lack of preparation.” Westervelt is nothing if not fully
and utterly prepared).
He knows the large corporate market inside out and is familiar with all the
bank's key competitors. He displays a verbal fluency that is mesmerizing.
No “ums” or “you knows” from this master of elocution.

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Westervelt's presentation is a tour de force. Surely he is one of the world's
leading experts in this sector. Probably there is no other consultant,
anywhere, who could trump his extraordinary knowledge and experience.
Only a few minutes of their time allocation remain. Westervelt pauses.
“Are there any other questions?” Heads shake from side to side around the
room.
“Thank you very much,” says the CEO. “That was very instructive.”
As they ride the elevator down from the forty-seventh floor, one of the
younger partners says to Westervelt, “You were awesome.”
Westervelt smiles. He and his partners feel good about the presentation.
Why shouldn't they? They know banking inside and out.
Back in the conference room, the bank executives huddle for a quick
debriefing. The consultants they have heard are the CEO's favorites. I know,
because the CEO had told me they were. He wants them to get the job. But
he isn't going to impose them on his team. There are many positive
comments as he goes around the table. Good so far.
The most restrained comes from Jennifer, the bank's chief human
resources officer. She has worked with the bank for nearly 30 years. The
last to speak is Peter, the head of global corporate banking—the very
business the consultants had spent the most time on.
Peter is clearly upset after the consultants’ presentation. He is slightly red
in the face. Agitated.
“I couldn't possibly have these people as my consultants,” he blurts out.
He can hardly contain his anger. “Especially the lead partner, Westervelt.
He doesn't listen. He. . .he has no empathy!”
Concerned, the CEO asks him to elaborate.
“They asked us almost no questions about our strategy and our plans.
About the choices we've made. About the strengths we can bring to bear in
trying to grow the business. They did not acknowledge our own leading
position in corporate banking. They were just full of themselves. Especially
Westervelt.”
Later on, the CEO also hears from Jennifer, his Human Resources head,
who sat through the consultants’ presentation. “He never made eye contact
with me,” she tells the CEO in private. “Not once. It was like I wasn't in the
room. They focused the presentation entirely on you. It makes you wonder.

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What would it be like working with them day-to-day? I don't think their
style is aligned with our culture.”
A few days later, the CEO calls the consultants to tell them they have lost
the job. It's not that they didn't win it. They lost it!
The CEO says something about all the firms being “very close” in their
capabilities. Westervelt and his colleagues are surprised. Deeply
disappointed. No, crestfallen. How could this happen?
It's one year later. The firm that won the project is still working with the
bank. They are now onto their third assignment.
I'm having coffee with the CEO. “I'm curious,” I ask him. “In the end,
could Westervelt's firm really have done anything different in your bidding
process, something that would have made a difference?”
The CEO looks at me. He raises an eyebrow and cocks his head to one
side. “Done anything? It was all about one question Westervelt never asked.
One simple question he could have asked Peter, about corporate banking:
‘Can you tell me about your plans?’ He asked me. But he never asked Peter
himself.
“He overlooked the simplest but most endearing and informative
question: Can you tell me about your plans?”
A few years ago, I experienced what Peter might have felt in that
boardroom. I was going to London on a business trip and planned to spend
a few extra days on my own. I met an acquaintance just before leaving. As
soon as the word “London” left my lips, he straightened up and cleared his
throat. “Oh, you must—you simply must stay at the Lanesborough Hotel.
Everything else is second rate compared to the Lanesborough. It's your only
real choice.” There was a heavy silence.
Had my friend bothered to ask about my plans, he would have learned I
was leaving the next day. He would have discovered I was already booked
into a lovely hotel—my favorite—that cost a lot less than the $1,000-a-
night Lanesborough.
He didn't ask what my plans were—he told me what they should be. And
as a result he came across as an unpleasant and insensitive cad.
Don't start by talking about your own plans. And don't start by talking
about your plans for the other person. First, ask them, “Can you tell