Power Questions: Build Relationships, Win New Business, and Influence Others

write your obituary today, what would you like it to say about you
and your life?”
Suggestions for How to Use This Question
“If you had to write your obituary today,
what would you like it to say about you and
your life?”
Obituaries are normally for those who stay behind. They help the family and friends of
those who have departed celebrate their lives.
An obituary can become something important to the living in another way.
Envisioning it ahead of time can help shape your life. It can bring what's most important
to you—and what you truly enjoy—into sharp focus. Writing your obituary now will
highlight the choices you are making and can make.
When to use this question
When coaching or mentoring someone.
When a young person is making important career and life choices.

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Alternative versions of the question
“Looking ahead in your life, what do you think will give you the greatest sense of
achievement? The most personal fulfillment?”
“What are some things you haven't done but which you would like to do before
you die?”
Follow-up questions
“Why did you put those particular things in your obituary?”
“What could get in the way of accomplishing that?”

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21
Who Do You Say I Am?
A financial executive leaves his office tower on Wall Street, walks past City
Hall, goes east on Worth Street, and onto the Bowery. Empty bottles and
garbage litter the door stoops. People are sleeping in cardboard boxes. In
front of a shelter, he meets a homeless woman—a woman with a tortured
life history. She is clutching a paper cup of black coffee. She looks at his
crisp navy suit and wonders, What is he doing here?
He turns to her and quietly asks, “Could you get me a cup?” That simple
question leads to an extraordinary conversation, and a changed life.
A real event? Re-imagined would be the best description. This encounter
did actually take place, although it was long ago and far away from New
York City.
Two thousand years ago, a Jewish Rabbi named Jesus walks through the
desert with his 12 disciples. He is traversing Samaria, a region into which
Jesus's Israelite contemporaries would not venture. Sitting next to an
isolated well in the desert, outside of a small town, Jesus waits until a lone
woman appears.
“Will you give me a drink?” he asks. It's actually a shocking question.
Jews of that day will never, not ever, associate with Samaritans. They are
considered detestable and unclean. The woman is taken aback. She
responds, “How can you ask me for a drink? For Jews do not talk to
Samaritans.” He draws her out, and uncovers a troubled past. She has had
many husbands, many men in her life. She is an outcast even in her own
village.
Their subsequent conversation, about how Jesus can help the woman's
spiritual emptiness and social isolation, has been studied for centuries. The
encounter, which Jesus starts with the question, “Will you give me a drink?”
transforms her.

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Jesus was a revolutionary. He wanted nothing less than to overturn the
established order and save humankind from its own brokenness. In His
kingdom, esteem for power, money, and status would be replaced by
humility, service, and love for one's neighbor.
Asking questions was one of His main tools for transforming others.
At times, Jesus would ask a simple question to reach out to a
marginalized person. A person who did not expect to be treated with respect
—let alone spoken to—by a man and a member of the educated class. He
spoke to prostitutes, lepers, beggars, criminals, and the downcast.
He used “counter-questions” to fend off the religious authorities of the
day. They would ask Him a question intended to trick Him into
incriminating Himself. Instead of answering, He would counter their
questions with a question of His own. A question He knew they could not
adequately answer. He asked deep, rhetorical questions, to make His
followers and the people He encountered think.
Jesus asked His most penetrating and profound question just before His
final entry into Jerusalem.
He gathers His disciples around him in the region of Caesarea Philippi.
He asks them, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”
“Well,” they reply, “Some say John the Baptist. Others say Elijah. Then
there are those who say Jeremiah or one of the other prophets.” There is a
thundering silence. Jesus gives a piercing look into the eyes of each
disciple. Then, the most direct question ever asked. He turns to Simon
Peter:
“But who do you say I am?” Jesus needs to know. Peter stands up. It
becomes very quiet. He looks at Jesus.
“You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”
Within a week, Jesus will be accused, tried, and crucified. His disciples
will be bereft of their leader.
Why does Jesus ask this question at this critical juncture in His short
ministry—“Who do you say I am?” Why not, “Do you think you can
manage on your own now?” or “Would you like a few more tips from me
before I perish next week?”
Think about it this way: He knows He is going to die on the cross, and
has repeatedly told his followers that this will be His fate.

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He wants His revolution, His kingdom of heaven, to take root and grow
after He is gone from the physical world. But He needs to know if they
truly understand who He is and what He stands for. He wants to hear a
personal proclamation of faith.
If He is just another wise Rabbi, then they can all go back to their day
jobs—fishing, tax collecting, doctoring. They can forget about the three
years they have spent with Jesus.
But if they truly believe He is the Messiah, they will be unequivocally
and completely committed to His values of humility, servant leadership, and
building a direct relationship with God through Him. Yes, if they believe,
He knows they will have the energy and inspiration to carry on. It takes the
resurrection appearances of Jesus, after his crucifixion, to cement their
faith. And they do carry on—even though it costs most of them their lives.
Are you a leader in an organization? A business professional? A parent?
A teacher? In any of these roles, you need to know if those around you
understand who you are. You need to know if they truly appreciate the
beliefs and values that define you. They need to know what you stand for—
and what you don't stand for.
Do others know who you really are?
Do those around you understand what you stand for? Ask them this
direct question: “How do you see me as a leader?” (. . .or, as a