Power Questions: Build Relationships, Win New Business, and Influence Others

you mind if we start over?”
Suggestions for How to Use This Question
“Do you mind if we start over?”
Be careful not to jump right into a request without probing and asking questions. It is
comparable to pushing a nonswimmer into the deep end. They may not come up for air.
And they may take you down with them.
People are forgiving. They want to have a great conversation with you. Asking, “Do
you mind if we start over?” will disarm the other person and make them smile. That

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smile will ease the way to a new beginning.
When to use the question
When a conversation gets off to a very bad start.
If you get into an unproductive, emotionally charged argument with a friend or
family member.
Alternative versions of the question
“I've gotten off on the wrong foot. Do you mind if I begin again? I haven't done
this justice.”
“Can we step back from this? What should we be talking about?”
Follow-up questions
“Thanks. Do you mind if I ask you a question?”
“The reason I'd like to start over is that I put my foot in my mouth. Can I give it a
second try?”

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9
You Can Overcome Anything If You
Understand Why
I read the job description again. Good grief! Where do they come up with
this stuff?
I am sitting at a large conference table, high atop one of the tallest
buildings in Manhattan. I'm about to reconvene the group. Sitting with me
are 18 of the most seasoned bankers in the world. They are among the
senior account executives for a global financial powerhouse.
They can arrange huge credit facilities. Ensure financing for a
transformational takeover. Move billions of dollars around the globe in
seconds. The bank's revenues, profits, and share price are heavily dependent
on the performance of this elite group of individuals.
But they are frustrated. Stymied by internal bureaucracy. Pressed by
shareholders who want even greater returns on capital. Monitored by
measurement systems that record their every move. Hemmed in by metrics
that make long-term investment in relationships difficult.
I am helping them redefine their role and develop a client-centric rather
than product-driven approach. These powerful executives are the vanguard
meant to be ushering in a new era of client focus.
They put their mission at the top of a sleek PowerPoint slide. The
headline says, “Our Mission.” It contains many elegant words like
maximize, align, synergize, profitable, and multi-faceted. But the mission
that's been defined doesn't sound client-centric. No, it sounds about as
“client first” as the turkey is “first” on Thanksgiving. In plain English, it
reads something like this:
Our mission is to sell, as often as possible, all of the bank's services to
our key clients.
It's not inspiring or distinctive.

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It is at odds with the genuine enthusiasm this group of 18 über-bankers
has for serving their clients while acting as trusted advisors who always put
their clients’ interests first.
“When people ask how,” I tell them, “they stay busy and always have a
job. They become good managers. But if they ask why they become more
than that. They start to lead, not just manage.”
I turn to my audience. “Shall we start up?” Heads nod.
“Let's talk about your mission and your role. I have a question: Why do
you do what you do?”
I wait. I do not repeat the question, or elaborate on what I mean. Its
meaning is clear to them.
The room becomes still.
Then, slowly, heads start nodding. Several of them begin to smile
knowingly.
“That's a good question,” one of them says.
I look around the room. Gradually, the dam is bursting. We go around the
table. One by one they began to talk enthusiastically about how important
their role is. How they love helping their clients grow their businesses and
thrive in their careers.
“I do this because I make such a big difference to my clients,” says one.
“I like having an impact,” says another.
“This is the best job at the bank. The toughest, but also the best.”
“I feel like I'm on the deck of an aircraft carrier, scanning the horizon to
see if there's an opportunity to help.”
“I bring it all together for clients.”
“I'm the one who is ultimately accountable for the entire relationship, and
I make it happen.”
“I love the deep, personal relationships I build with my clients.”
I am smiling. The room lights up with their passion for the why of their
work. Their energy is palpable. I now see what allows them to surmount the
bureaucratic hurdles of their global organization. I am reminded of what
Friederich Nietzsche said: “He who has a why to live can bear almost any
how.”

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Twenty minutes later we have the basic elements of their new mission. It's
not a mission based on selling more products and making “superior
returns.” No, it's one founded on helping clients achieve their most
important goals. On using the unique strengths of their organizations. It is
motivating and distinctive.
The mood in the room is transformed. The dead hand of internal meetings
and endless reports is pushed aside. In its place is excitement and passion
for the real job.
When you're trying to define an organizational role, to restore a sense
of purpose and pride, or just understand what makes people tick, ask: