When the seclusion period was over, I was sent back to the kitchen to suffer at the hands of the cook.
And suffer I did. But the truth is, as bitter as I might be toward him, I never broke the cook’s rules—that
is, until the evening Shams of Tabriz arrived. That night, when the cook finally caught up with me, he gave
me
the worst beating of my life, breaking willow stick after willow stick on my back. Then he put my
shoes in front of the door, with their fronts pointing out, to make it clear it was time for me to leave. In a
dervish lodge, they never kick you out or tell you openly that you have failed;
instead they make you
silently leave.
“We cannot make you a dervish against your will,” the cook announced. “A man can bring a donkey to
the water but cannot make him drink. The donkey should have it in him. There’s no other way.”
That makes me the donkey, of course. Frankly, I would have left this place a long time ago had it not
been for Shams of Tabriz. My curiosity about him kept me anchored here. I had never met anyone like him
before. He feared no one and obeyed no one. Even the cook respected him. If there ever were a role
model for me in this lodge,
it was Shams with his charm, dignity, and unruliness. Not the humble old
master.
Yes, Shams of Tabriz was my hero. After seeing him, I decided I didn’t need to turn myself into a meek
dervish. If I spent enough time next to him, I could become just as brash, steadfast, and rebellious. So
when autumn came and I realized that Shams was leaving for good, I decided to leave with him.
Having made up my mind, I went to see Baba Zaman and found him sitting, reading an old book by the
light of an oil lamp.
“What do you want, novice?” he asked wearily, as if seeing me tired him.
As forthright as I could be, I said, “I understand that Shams of Tabriz is leaving soon, Master. I want to
go with him. He might need company on the way.”
“I didn’t know you cared for him so much,” the master said suspiciously. “Or is it because you are
looking for ways to avoid your tasks in the kitchen? Your trial is not over yet. You can hardly be called a
dervish.”
“Perhaps going on a journey with someone like Shams is my trial,” I suggested, knowing that it was a
bold thing to say but saying it anyhow.
The
master lowered his gaze, lapsing into contemplation. The longer his silence, the more I was
convinced he would scold me for my insolence and call the cook to keep a better eye on me. But he did no
such thing. Instead he looked at me forlornly and shook his head.
“Perhaps you were not created for life in a lodge, my son. After all, out of every seven novices that set
out on this path, only one remains. My feeling is you are not fit to be a dervish and need to look for your
kismet
elsewhere. As for accompanying Shams on his journey, you will have to ask him about that.”
Thus giving me notice, Baba Zaman closed the subject with a polite but dogged gesture of his head and
went back to his book.
I felt sad and small, but strangely liberated.